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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To breathalyse DP before he drives tomorrow?

203 replies

Ilovecoleslaw · 10/09/2017 02:28

DP gone out for the night with the 'lads', but due to drive at 9-10 tomorrow as planned to go see an old mate and get out of my hair whilst i do my dissertation.

He has form for wanting to drive the morning after a heavy session and sometimes he gets a bit angry/annoyed if i dare suggest the alcohol may still be in his system even though he feels fine.
I have a pack of the france breathalysers that you need to carry in your car when over there, and don't think he can argue with that!
My judgement may be clouded by annoyance as we had planned to spend the night together and he's also just text asking for a lift home at 3, which most certainly won't be happening Hmm
I'm also not entirely sure he'll be going now, as he'll have a stinking hangover and he normally sleeps for the majority of the day after!
But wibu if i were to get him to do the breathalyser?

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 10/09/2017 12:31

Finalmente
I would walk away to be honest

Fine as long as you don't drive.
Your fuck ups can fuck other people up too

BigChocFrenzy · 10/09/2017 12:32

If the only consequences were a driving ban, or even risking his job, that would be his business.

When the consequences are that he may kill or seriously injure other people,
then it is everyone's business to stop him driving under the influence.

Toblernone · 10/09/2017 12:32

What do you suggest then Finalmente? Sit back while someone who you think is over the limit goes off driving? OP had already tried discussing it with him and got nowhere. Assuming their relationship is otherwise fine LTB? Do nothing as it's on his head if he runs someone over/kills himself in a crash?

peekyboo · 10/09/2017 12:36

Regardless of anything else, it's the OP's car. He has no right to drive it just because they're in a relationship.

Obviously under normal conditions, she doesn't mind, but drink driving isn't normal.

pointythings · 10/09/2017 12:37

So Fianlmente thinks OP's DP should be free to fuck up other people's lives and she should stand by and let it happen... Words absolutely fail. No wonder some people still think it is OK to drink and drive.

RJnomore1 · 10/09/2017 12:39

There are a few people on this thread who appear to be very hard of thinking.

user327854831 · 10/09/2017 12:42

Go out in the car yourself and then he can't drive? If he has his own car then maybe the keys will be in your bag when you go out.

Huffletuff · 10/09/2017 12:44

If my DH drove that early in the morning when he was still out at 3am, I would report him to the police myself.

Stoneagemum · 10/09/2017 12:48

We had a works night out (bozzy gala dinner) during the week. Taxis home booked for midnight. Due to the Industry we are in we have several breathalysers as testing takes place. Each person. Who had to drive to work the next today took one home and were told not to come to work until they could pass the breathe test and be well under the drink drive level.
Nobody got to work before midday and a couple didn't go in at all

Izzabellasasperella · 10/09/2017 12:49

Fianlmente If you are prepared to drive over the limit because you refuse to be 'policed' by your partner then you don't know the meaning of responsibility.

Cambionome · 10/09/2017 12:52

Tell that to the people whose relatives have been killed.

ZaphodBeeblerox · 10/09/2017 12:53

Meh. If I was finalemente's partner I'd just call the police on them. Not worth getting into a physical altercation with someone who is so prone to violence (cf.. I'd deck them, I'd go for them etc), probably more so when drunk.

It's not my job to police a partner yes. And if the car was her partner's then OP's only legal real choice is to call the police on her partner if she suspected he was driving drunk.

In the real world though most of our partners aren't such twatbuckets and most of us can exercise some influence on our OHs without being "controlling".

Cambionome · 10/09/2017 12:53

Post above to Finalmente.

AnotherLegoBrick · 10/09/2017 12:57

Finalmente - are you always so agrressive?

FallingOrbit · 10/09/2017 13:03

Obviously not unreasonable OP, not in the least. As has been said already drink driving is some serious shit and it's not just his own life or your car he could ruin - it's other peoples too. Some of the "that's controlling" etc comments here are just batshit.

Just to add a twist, isn't is also an offence to "allow" someone to drive if you know (or strongly believe) they're over the limit? I'm not sure but I suspect it might be. And yes OP would have to ALLOW it because it's her car (just before we have more silly nonsense about controlling behaviour etc)

Finalmente · 10/09/2017 13:28

Lol. I'm actually on another thread here simultaneously and the last response I made was that I would blow like fuck if breathalysed. I was confused when I saw all these responses. Different thread.

Anyway. Back to this thread. I take responsibility for me. Nobody else takes responsibility for me. Therefore, nobody else polices me. Apart from the police. Who are being paid to police me. Other than that? Fuck right off.

Finalmente · 10/09/2017 13:30

LegoBrick. Yes, this is me. I am who I am.

orlantina · 10/09/2017 13:30

Other than that? Fuck right off

Would you be ok if your partner called the police on you if you went out drunk driving?

Or would you have a go at your partner for calling the police on you?

orlantina · 10/09/2017 13:32

Nobody else takes responsibility for me

And if you are acting in an irresponsible and dangerous manner. Would you want someone to look out for you?

Finalmente · 10/09/2017 13:32

Ok. I've read back now. I wouldn't like being policed like that as I am a big girl now and I can make responsible decisions ALL BY MYSELF.

Finalmente · 10/09/2017 13:34

Orlantina - I wouldn't go out 'drunk driving' for a start. If I did, then it's anyone's business to report me.

orlantina · 10/09/2017 13:34

I wouldn't like being policed like that as I am a big girl now and I can make responsible decisions ALL BY MYSELF

What if the decision you make isn't responsible and has an impact on you, your family and society...

Should someone intervene?

Finalmente · 10/09/2017 13:35

If I was atrociously drunk, fair enough. I trust my own judgment though.

Toblernone · 10/09/2017 13:36

If you're such a big girl it won't be hard for you to appreciate some of your decisions affect other people - so other people get a certain amount of say, not ultimate control but a right to an input, in what you do. If OP's DH runs someone over it's not just him it affects, don't be so naive!

Finalmente · 10/09/2017 13:36

Well in that case, I'd sign myself into a care home.

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