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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To breathalyse DP before he drives tomorrow?

203 replies

Ilovecoleslaw · 10/09/2017 02:28

DP gone out for the night with the 'lads', but due to drive at 9-10 tomorrow as planned to go see an old mate and get out of my hair whilst i do my dissertation.

He has form for wanting to drive the morning after a heavy session and sometimes he gets a bit angry/annoyed if i dare suggest the alcohol may still be in his system even though he feels fine.
I have a pack of the france breathalysers that you need to carry in your car when over there, and don't think he can argue with that!
My judgement may be clouded by annoyance as we had planned to spend the night together and he's also just text asking for a lift home at 3, which most certainly won't be happening Hmm
I'm also not entirely sure he'll be going now, as he'll have a stinking hangover and he normally sleeps for the majority of the day after!
But wibu if i were to get him to do the breathalyser?

OP posts:
user1497997754 · 10/09/2017 07:14

Def hide his keys.....I did exactly the sane as your husband and was caught drink driving and banned or 3 years....I was more upset that I could have hurt someone....very ashamed

TheLegendOfBeans · 10/09/2017 07:23

Yikes. Unlike some on this thread I get what you're saying. As someone who knows a three folk who've been banned from driving for exceeding the limit - every time it was the next morning - ask him to do it or lose his keys or whatever.

Having a blazing domestic is better than him losing his actual license which he will if he was out for a sesh last night and is planning on driving in a couple of hours.

Once you lose your license it's not so easy to get back anymore.

TheLegendOfBeans · 10/09/2017 07:24

Ps: Sunday morning is peak time for the police to be on breathalyser patrol.

Especially if you live rurally highlight of their week

Cambionome · 10/09/2017 07:32

There are some people on this thread who are determined to minimise the risk here. If he insists on driving when he is in this state he could cause a serious accident/possibly kill.

In this instance, I wouldn't give a flying fuck about being controlling. I would do what I could to keep him and others safe, and I would be highly irresponsible to do anything else.

AnotherLegoBrick · 10/09/2017 07:34

If you're such a big girl Fremantle I am sure you would t drink heavily and then get in a car and drive the next morning? But then most big girls don't say they will deck and murder people metaphorically or otherwise.

Bovneydazzlers · 10/09/2017 07:40

Weird responses. Who cares whether the OP is doing it out of anger (she isn't).

He's potentially planning to drive drunk, of course she should try and stop him. And no way will he not be still drunk.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/kirsty-gallacher-drink-driving-court-case-three-times-over-limit-alcohol-a7928931.html

ZaphodBeeblerox · 10/09/2017 07:40

To all the wankers who're going on about personal agency and choice on this thread - you are talking about the personal responsibility and decision making of someone who is by definition incapacitated by alcohol! Does that not strike you as odd?
Ie: I shouldn't say or do anything because it's his choice (even though he isn't making this choice sober because he is or could be drunk).

I hope when you read stories of people being mowed down on the motorway by a drunk driver on a Sunday morning you at least reflect for a minute on your ridiculous "principles" and how you claim you'd react. Fuck your OH or whichever blazing idiot decides to get behind the wheel drunk - what about the rest of us who just wake up on a Sunday morning and want to head out with our family for a nice day out?

bmbonanza · 10/09/2017 07:44

I'd ask him to take the breathalyser. If he passes then its fine but if he doesnt he is illegal, dangerous to himself and needs to know that.

MaisyPops · 10/09/2017 07:47

I actually can't believe how many people are suggesting it's wrong to be concerned that someone might drive when they are over the limit.

In my area the police went through a phase of spot checking drivers in the morning because of the problem with morning after drunk driving. Apparently, lots of people.wouldn't get in a car at 3am and drive, but they would get in a car at 7am under the impression that they are fine.

BananaBottom · 10/09/2017 07:48

If he has been drinking until 3 then it is likely he is well over the limit....and in fact still drunk. How alcohol works is that it builds up, so you can stop drinking but increase your blood alcohol over a period of hours. (Which is why you can feel more drunk an hour or so after stopping)

Also..... apparently a bottle of wine takes about 18 hours to clear in a woman's system - not sure about men.

However.... I am Australian and we are shit hot on drink driving. We have booze buses out on the streets every single weekend... and you know the highest 'catch rate'? Monday mornings when people are driving to work after having a good night sleep on the Sunday. Because they think they are 'fine'.

wannabestressfree · 10/09/2017 08:13

You are right but I wouldn't breathalyse just say 'nope' to the driving anywhere.
My cousin was killed at two by his father who was still over the limit. Wasn't secured properly and hit his head. No other injuries.

It's not 'controlling' or any other bullshit. It affects others lives.

Well done op.

orlantina · 10/09/2017 08:29

I know someone who was an alcoholic, had a heavy night, crashed car in the morning and spent 6 months in jail. His partner knew he was an alcoholic and he is controlling. Surprised she's still with him.

If you know someone is not capable of driving and then goes out driving, then I think you have a responsibility to call the police. Even with all the ramifications.

But I know that's easy to say. I know how this guy would have reacted if his partner had called the police.

MrsHathaway · 10/09/2017 08:39

It sounds as though he often drives "the morning after" despite the OP's misgivings, believing himself to be safe and legal.

One instance of saying "no, I really think you're likely to be still over the limit even though you seem sober, just because of the numbers involved" and using a breath test as an objective arbiter, can't be thought of as controlling, can it?

If he drives for work, even just to commuting, then he really can't afford to get stopped over the limit.

I'm focusing on the legality and practicality because he clearly isn't bothered about his actual capacity.

voxnihili · 10/09/2017 08:44

YANBU. I would do the same with DP and I'm not at all controlling. If he was caught for drink driving he would lose his job and the consequences would be catastrophic. I've used them myself before now when I've felt unsure.

WellThisIsShit · 10/09/2017 08:58

I hope you haven't run into the same attitude as some have shown on here. The stubbornness of some, to pretend it's just 'a relationship issue' vs the reality of the cost of drunk driving.

I guess those posts that whittering on about 'not wanting to be controlled' are written by those who believe no one else deserves any 'control' over their lives either... personally I'd prioritise the rights of everyone else to be on or around roads as safely as possible. I guess others aren't bothered if they exercise some of their 'control' when they decide to drink drive and end up killing innocent people, or 'merely' maiming them for life and breaking those people's lives and relationships forever.

Or perhaps people have forgotten what they are actually talking about - I hope it's that, rather than some posters on here being so selfish that they believe they should be allowed to put other people's lives in danger.

OP I hope all is well.

LakieLady · 10/09/2017 09:48

People metabolise alcohol at approximately 1 unit per hour. If he had 8 pints, that's 16 hours for it to get out of his system.

I think it very unlikely that someone drinking till 3 am would be legal to drive at 9-10 am, but he should be enough of an adult to know this himself.

I'd offer him the breathalyser, but not insist he uses it. He's old enough to make his own decisions.

specialsubject · 10/09/2017 10:20

If he's been up to 3am he is probably too tired to drive, and as he's been on the swill he will be unfit.

If he is too selfish or stupid to understand that, refuse the keys and call the cops if he still insists.

It might not be him that ends up killed or disabled. Someone else's loved one, breadwinner, parent...

Original poster
Ilovecoleslaw · 10/09/2017 10:27

UPDATE

DP arrived home at half 3, didn't seem that drunk to be honest!
However he's now woken up and said he'll be leaving about lunchtime. I said i was a bit unsure about this as he might still be over the limit.
He insists he's fine to drive now so I ask him if he gets pulled over, would he pass a breathalyser? He says yes of course and i disagree. He tells me to bloody go get one then and he'll do it!
I say he can do one of the single use ones that we have before he plans to leave then.
He soon changes his tune and refuses, fair enough I can't make him. Cue big argument where he said he will be driving today and i can't stop him :( i have hidden the keys and the car is mine, he's just a named driver on it, so i suppose i can stop him.
I'm happy if he waits till 2pm to drive or do the breathalyser before hand!

We worked out he had approx 15 units from 9pm-3am :/

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovecoleslaw · 10/09/2017 10:28

Now i just feel awfully controlling and not sure whether I shoild just let him :(

OP posts:
exLtEveDallas · 10/09/2017 10:29

The RMP/CivPol regularly breathalyse Forces personnel in Garrisons on Saturday and Sunday mornings, especially around the times of Summer and Christmas Balls. It got so bad in one garrison that a Regiment made all the Sgts mess sign in their car keys at the door, whether they'd driven in or not, and they could only sign them back out after 12pm the next day! Caused an uproar but it was the only function to have no drink drivers picked up that year.

Cambionome · 10/09/2017 10:35

Don't let him go. If he injures/kills himself or someone else it will be far worse than an argument with a drunken twat your dp.

Slowtrain2dawn · 10/09/2017 10:39

morning-after.org.uk/?page_id=82

Walkingdead11 · 10/09/2017 10:42

Well if he doesn't agree to the test thrn a quick call to the police will be in order.....zero tolerance to drink driving arseholes.

RJnomore1 · 10/09/2017 10:44

Is it fuck controlling to try to stop someone committing a criminal offence which would put other people at risk.

He doesn't want to do the test because he knows he is over he just thinks he's not affected by that in the same way other people are so he is fine to drive.

Some very weird responses on this thread op but I'd be questioning whether I wanted to spend my life with someone prepared to put other lives in danger due to their arrogance.

TidyDancer · 10/09/2017 10:46

The fact that it's your car ends this whole thing tbh OP. He doesn't have to take a breathalyser but he doesn't get your car keys if he doesn't. Very simple.