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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Apparently I'm the laughing stock of the school

247 replies

MavisFrench · 09/09/2017 19:05

Last year I threw a Halloween party for DD (10 at the time). I did spooky snacks and drinks, had pumpkins to carve and games. It was fancy dress themed and DH and I dressed up too. I was a witch (naturally) and DH was a vampire. DH can be rather theatrical so he had a little smoke machine set up near the front door so that when people arrived he could answer it clouded in smoke and play out his vampire role. He stayed in character throughout the night and the kids seemed to have a good time.

This year I suggested doing the same thing. DD was mortified and said no chance as she was bullied for weeks after the first one!!! I asked why and she said it was DH's "vampire thing" which everyone (including parents!) laughed about and took the piss out of for weeks. So yesterday I asked one of the parents I'm friendly with what the problem was with the first party. She looked uncomfortable and said a few of the parents were laughing about us being "try hards" and one of the dads (chavvy type) said DH was obviously a "peado"!!!

I'm gutted because I put a lot of effort and money into that and had no idea the feedback was so bad, not to mention the piss taking and bullying.

AIBU to take it to the head a year later?

OP posts:
Bunnyfuller · 10/09/2017 18:22

Why do the ' have' element bandy the paedophile word around to anyone who actually does nice/fun stuff for kids? I've had 2 shitbag parents throw the word at me - it's utterly irresponsible apart from being vile and damaging - their children won't know when they do meet one!

I did a party for my DDs a few years ago, invited all the local kids. Most didn't bother RSVPing then turned up and hour late and looked pissed off the food had gone! And didn't bring a thing with them! I didn't dress up particularly but zombie-field a bit.

I wouldn't bring it up with the head after all this time though, presumably it's stopped now and there's nothing to be done? Just put it down to experience and stuff the miserable fuckers!

Wickedstepmum67 · 10/09/2017 18:24

Bah, sorry, thought it was a birthday at Halloween for some reason (which would be very cool). Halloween parties are great, and the cheesier the better. We've had all sorts of dressing up and silly games at ours and we are all decidedly 'mature' adults.

Smudge100 · 10/09/2017 18:24

It was a social occasion outside of school and therefore nothing to do with the head. The head can't actually put other parents in detention just because they reacted with ingratitude and derision to your best endeavours to entertain their little brats. You are overestimating his powers. Besides, I'm sure he's got more important things to worry about than your hurt feelings. It was a year ago, everyone has forgotten about it and you should too. You will do your children no favours by confronting anyone twelve months on.

KnowsStuff · 10/09/2017 18:25

Clarkl2:
"Why take it to the head? Grow up"
????
The Head in a school is the equivalent of an authority figure such as the government in the real world. This mother is acting extremely grown up by wanting to engage the school authority to protect her child. It is unfortunate that in this instance it will make things worse to bring it up again. As a previous helpful poster said, IF any remaining issues the best person to control the bullying is the front line teachers. Children who exude confidence are less likely to be bullied so Id focus alot on building DDs.

spiney · 10/09/2017 18:29

Clarke god are you always so rude?

OP did you mean go to the head about the bullying?

Relightmyfire2017 · 10/09/2017 18:31

Ungrateful bunch of undeserving twats! I think what you did last year sounds amazing! As for the chav making the paedo rematk, I would have a (very) quiet word. I bet he's a little wimp when he's on his own. As for this year if your kids enjoy your creative party ideas then go all out - just don't invite any of the idiots that came last year! They don't deserve to be invited to what sounds like a fabulous event 😊

LittleLionMansMummy · 10/09/2017 18:32

If she had been full on bullied that's hard to belive and that you wouldn't have known it.

What is full on bullying? How long and how bad does it have to be before it meets the criteria of full on? A smack here or there, or a handful of spiteful words? A few days or a few weeks, months? Bullying is bullying, simple as that. Minimising bullying is as much of a problem as the bullying itself. I say this as someone who had the piss taken out of me for months (not physical but plenty of mental abuse) for wearing the wrong trainers. I didn't tell my parents because they couldn't afford the 'right' pair and I felt guilty, as I knew how pleased my mum was to have afforded the ones I got. They knew nothing about any of it. The fact op's dd didn't say anything for a year or that the parents knew nothing about it is actually not that difficult to comprehend if you've ever been in a similar situation. There are all kinds of reasons why kids feel unable to approach their parents and tell them and it has bugger all to do with how close the parents and child are.

The bullying happened at school. Who is to say it's not still happening? The op's dh may have been ott. That does not justify the reaction of these bunch of ingrates or their children who I bet continued to lap up their hospitality despite their 'discomfort'. Ok I'd put the party down to experience - choose your guests more wisely and ask your dh to tone it down. But I actually do think the bullying is worth mentioning - "it has recently come to light that my dd was bullied a while back. It was sufficiently long ago that we no longer want to pursue it but I'd be grateful if you could be alert to potential bullying in the school and keep a close eye on dd".

Allthewaves · 10/09/2017 18:33

You know what it's just some pathetic parents who can't be arsed to make an effort to put down anyone else who does. Who want to.spend their life being cool and missing out on the fun.

I take my kids trick or treating and theres 3/4 houses who make a huge effort and adults dress up. My kids adore it and I hi k it's great too

Sad when people just can't have fun

Gertiegoolash · 10/09/2017 18:36

I definitely wouldn't go to the head about it a year later, but I'm angry on your behalf that you've been on the recieving end of such nasty comments from a bunch of horrible ungrateful cunts!! For what it's worth I'd love to come to your Halloween party! It's my favourite time of year and love when people make an effort Smile

00100001 · 10/09/2017 18:37

Wait.
Your child at ten years old knew the word paedo? And Knew what parents were saying? At what point did she have conversations with these adults for them to be laughing at her?

And she was bullied for "a few weeks" and failed to mention anything at the time? Nobody at home noticed? Did the party nor come up in conversation at home? Was she acting differently?

Hangupyourhangups · 10/09/2017 18:39

Wow some people are just plain awful! They were obviously very jealous, or even one of the adults was, mentioned it to another and the circle became a witch hunt.
Please don't take it any further (I know it's hard as it's upsetting) but it wouldn't only make it all worse. I would stick to the decent friends you already know, don't hesitate to not throw another one as they have won. Just rise above it xx

spiney · 10/09/2017 18:43

Exactly what Little lion mans mummy said.

Who cares when the bullying happened if it happened.
Who cares if DH was OTT . Is that a reason for bullying?

My only concern would be was there actual bullying? Your daughter will have to be clear with you. I notice that my kids and their peers chuck that word around willynilly now. And that's with no disrespect to your daughter OP.

OP those parents sounds beyond pathetic. Head up, ignore, move on.

Howlongtilldinner · 10/09/2017 19:01

If your DD is ok now I would just leave it. They are a bunch of ignorant twats. You sound like great fun, I'd hv had a ball with the whole character thingGrin.

Their poor DC's having parents like that.

Catwaving · 10/09/2017 19:07

I doubt if they were jealous TBH. That's a sort of lazy conclusion people like to draw when they're trying to make you or themselves feel better. I'm afraid it does sound a bit cringey, especially if he was leaping out of smoke and continuing on in character the entire time, even with the parents.
It's not always easy, but it is part of our job to try and embarrass our children as little as possible as they grow up. It's no biggy. A bit of a lesson learned though I think

keffie12 · 10/09/2017 19:08

The person who made the comment calling your husband a paedo; it says more about him than your husband.

They sound a horrible lot to be honest. Nothing wrong with the party you did. We did similar. My adult youngsters do similar as do alot of friends etc of there's.

They don't sound a pleasant lot. I would find different company and have no more parties.

Ask your daughter why she didn't tell you is more important. Unfortunately too late to go to the head about the bullying

treacletoffee23 · 10/09/2017 19:13

Your party sounds fab. We used to do the same for ours when younger. No doubt there are some parents who think they are making an effort giving their off spring a giant pack of Haribo and a copy of The Exorcist
Just sounds like bullying/ jealousy to me. Dont bother with the Head, it would make matters worse.
Can l come this year lve got such a great Adams Family outfit lol.

user1470055656 · 10/09/2017 19:46

The party sounds wonderful! The mentality of the parents who called it "try hard" and your OH a "paedo" is essentially the same as the "cool" guy at school who never makes any effort with anything, brags about it and calls anyone who does a nerd/teacher's pet. Turns out they grow up to be losers and, envious of anyone interesting or successful, call them names. Pathetic. Please continue hosting such fab parties. My parents always did and continue to do so and now, aged 30, all my friends come too!

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 10/09/2017 19:50

Freaking assholes!

I'd think it was brilliant if I'd have been invited.
" try hards" pfft jealous much. Of course you did try hard to make it spooky what's wrong with that.
I'd change schools rather than go to the head. Obviously a load of rubbish parents at that school.
Next time please invite me. I'll come dressed up too as I do every year anyway. Yeah and I'm trying bloody hard too

lilypoppet · 10/09/2017 19:56

You need new friends.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 10/09/2017 19:57

The party sounds great and suitable for 10 year olds but probably not for this year. Maybe check what your daughter would like to do for Halloween which does not necessarily have to involve other kids.

Kids like to show when they have 'grown out' of things, unfortunately some adults never seem to get past this phase...

Lovelymess · 10/09/2017 20:04

Ignore them! At least you made the effort and I bet the kids loved it

sima74 · 10/09/2017 20:05

Agree with NYconcrete, it sounds like a fantastic party. The other parents are manipulating and ungrateful. I hate it when adults behave like this.

sima74 · 10/09/2017 20:07

Oh and just to add, if it had been my child you had invited to a party with so much going on I would still be thanking you for it.

Madeyemoodysmum · 10/09/2017 20:18

I would NOT take it to head but what a bunch of ungrateful bitches and outrageous to say paedo about yr dh.

How horrible.

I dressed up as a witch last year and set up garden games and the kids loved it. Our street is competitive though.

Carriecakes80 · 10/09/2017 20:32

Unless...your kid was just very embarrassed and made it sound worse than it was, and the friend that you asked was a bit jealous and saw a chance to have a dig at you??

You tried to do something fun, if it is true, ignore and maybe have a more low key affair. Me and my young family live in the dullest village in the world where almost every home has a bloody 'DO NOT KNOCK, WE DO NOT SUPPORT HALLOWEEN!!' that some miserable b-stard has knocked up...We would have loved what you did, and appreciated the invite no matter how cheesy!
Ignore, kids seem to be embarrassed so easily by parents these days! x But no point in dragging all this to the Head either, they won't be able to do nowt now really. xxx