Apparently I'm the laughing stock of the school

[MavisFrench]

Last year I threw a Halloween party for DD (10 at the time). I did spooky snacks and drinks, had pumpkins to carve and games. It was fancy dress themed and DH and I dressed up too. I was a witch (naturally) and DH was a vampire. DH can be rather theatrical so he had a little smoke machine set up near the front door so that when people arrived he could answer it clouded in smoke and play out his vampire role. He stayed in character throughout the night and the kids seemed to have a good time.

This year I suggested doing the same thing. DD was mortified and said no chance as she was bullied for weeks after the first one!!! I asked why and she said it was DH's "vampire thing" which everyone (including parents!) laughed about and took the piss out of for weeks. So yesterday I asked one of the parents I'm friendly with what the problem was with the first party. She looked uncomfortable and said a few of the parents were laughing about us being "try hards" and one of the dads (chavvy type) said DH was obviously a "peado"!!!

I'm gutted because I put a lot of effort and money into that and had no idea the feedback was so bad, not to mention the piss taking and bullying.

AIBU to take it to the head a year later?

Yes and no. The bullying isn't acceptable and if it still continues today then see the head. However...the rest of it you just need to put on your big girl pants and deal with it!

i really dont think going to the head would benefit anyone, it sounds like your party was ace and there were some jealous people who were gutted they hadnt thought of it. I just wouldn't bother next time with the ungrateful buggas

Yes, I wouldn't report it unless the kids are still bullying. Which it doesn't seem like they are.

Doesn't a certain TV show host give a massive Halloween party every year that is very theatrical and over the top?

Party sounds fab, it's the sort of parties our friends/us have, in fact we even do themed dinner evenings with just adults, it's fun and not cringey at all if everyone is up for a laugh.

I wouldn't go to the head now as long as the bullying has stopped but I wouldn't invite them over again, ungrateful, miserable twats.

Interesting that your concern is that you are the laughing stock of the school, not that you humiliated your daughter [albeit without meaning to]. Interesting too that a year down the line you expect the school to do something about a situation that has nothing to do with them. And most interesting of all is that your ten-year-old daughter was bullied for weeks afterwards and you never noticed, and she never told you. Sounds to me as if someone feels a trifle over-entitled. Just saying.

Oh wow, I read this and remembered my own party very similar to this over 25 years ago. My parents did this for my 11th birthday and I got bullied too - but it was because the girls were jealous.
You threw an amazing party and it's just so sad people are so mean and cruel, nothing has clearly changed even 25 years on, so so sad!
I remember my invites went out and two days later, one of the "popular" girls in my class decided to throw a party too - luckily those who had already replied came but there were lots who got coerced into going to the other party.
I got bullied but I did get told my party was the best anyone had ever been to - it was jealously which led to a) the other girl throwing a party b) post party being bullied as if was the "best"
Seriously feel other people are taking piss because they're jealous. I think you all should be proud, in years to come your daughter will feel bad for you guys feeling sad about being taken the piss off. I know I do.

I'd be most concerned about the fact that your DD didn't tell you she was having a hard time - I think your priority should be helping her feel she can always come to you, and you'll help, and can be trusted NOT to storm down to the school if she hates that idea.

My children don't believe in going to parents bc they are afraid that we would involve school which makes things worse. We promised to stay out of school and they were slightly more forthcoming. Luckily, they have each other. Let your child call it bc she understands what will happen. Idk why people are not kind, but if you do decide to do this in a year or two, invite your adult friends and let dd do her own if she chooses.

Children and parents are hyper-aware of perverts. Even mothers are eyed with suspicion sometimes, its better to be wary of that group if they think dh was not right....let them and the party go but comfort your poor dd.

Do not resurrect the matter. Fact that DD didn't mention the bullying (perhaps a bit more ridiculing than bullying) and guessing she is happy at school you should leave well alone. Can't figure how folk didn't enjoy the party antics. Parents must have made comments perhaps "like he is a twat" meaning DH was a bit ott on the night and kids have picked up and taken it to another level. Those parents obviously have no humour genes, after all it was for kids.

What a horrible and ungrateful bunch of children and their parents.

My parents loved putting on full Halloween parties. I would be gutted if people took the piss after going and having a fun time.

You seem to have gone op but if you are still reading this please please don't go to the head before you ask your dds permission.

See I don't think she was badly bullied just teased because you and your dh might have gone OTT. Don't stir it up now. Leave it alone

For what it's worth I think the party sounds fab! I'd love to go to a Halloween party like that! What's wrong with people these days, everyone seems so intent on being miserable and nasty about things!

If you're having another party can I come?! 😁

DS school has a big Halloween Party. Some parents get involved, dress up, help out, paint faces, set up games and do the mammoth tidy up afterwards. Some just sit and have a cup of tea until it's over. The children love it, all ages, some even come back after they've gone to high school to help out. It's graft for the parent helpers but it is genuinely a highlight of the year and makes many happy memories.

Point is many 10 year olds thoroughly enjoy some Halloween nonsense and think nothing of parents getting into the spirit of it. I'm sure plenty of kids enjoyed the party and it's a pity a few people seem to have spoiled the fun.

I agree with NYConcreteJungle - usually when people laugh behind your back and call you a "Try Hard", they are jealous because they know that they are either too lazy to make the effort or not organised or thoughtful enough. As far as the kids bullying is concerned, I'm sure the other kids were also jealous that your daughter has such fantastic and fun parents. Most bullying (and I'm including the laughing about you behind your back as bullying) is about jealousy or because you're a threat to the bully in some way. They were probably terrified that you would become more popular than them because you're so fun and thoughtful so they had to undermine you by laughing about you behind your back. Unfortunately it seems that those of us who are prepared to make an effort to organise these sorts of things are fewer in number than those that don't so those that don't tend to stick together and undermine you as a group.
Keep organising these fun parties but only invite your true friends and their children. Explain to your DD that those kids who bullied her last time are not her true friends. At the age of 10 children need to start learning what the meaning of true friendship is so that they can make the right choices going forwards. I was bullied verbally at school and it took years for me to realise that they were just jealous because I was clever, nice, kind and had a loving family. And just for your DD - the best way to deal with any bully is to remember that they are usually jealous of you for some reason and to not show that they have affected you, as they are looking for a negative reaction, so if you don't give them one, you're effectively saying you don't even figure in my life and they soon get bored.

Good Luck and have fun with the parties!!

How rude! they sound awful and what a thing to say that about your partner, the kids are obs getting their attitudes from the parents. Idk whether I would mention it to the head though, if it bothers you maybe have a word but retrospectively if you know what I mean, the head won't be able to do anything about it now, but awareness about bullying is something they should know about and act on.
I would be really hurt though but tbh these people are not worth the energy, maybe try to talk to your DD about bullying and what to do when it happens, talking to you at the time might have helped and then you could have supported her through it. How awful for her to experience something like that, reassure her about opening up about things maybe?

Ignore them, like many Brits (I'm British myself) they're probably just too self-conscious to dress up and get into the spirit of things.

O dear putting my smoke machine back in the attic.... I love halloween. Parents are being dicks and jealous. I think some parents who see bringing up kids as birthing them and then letting them fend for themselves (din't do me no arm) are very distrustful of parents who talk, play with or entertain their kids. Or treat them as people to have fun with as a family. Being called a peodo for it shows the mentality of these people.

Id be peed your kid was bullied by it and you didn't know but it is too late.

I'd be pretty upset that someone was calling my partner a peadophile for wanting to entertain his daughter and friends at bloody 10. Don't do it again and just make Halloween for your family now on and enjoy it in all its silliness. I personally love Halloween I'd have loved it lol

DS school has a big Halloween Party. Some parents get involved, dress up, help out, paint faces, set up games and do the mammoth tidy up afterwards. Some just sit and have a cup of tea until it's over. The children love it, all ages, some even come back after they've gone to high school to help out. It's graft for the parent helpers but it is genuinely a highlight of the year and makes many happy memories

Same here. For many years it was the same parent who set it all up and tidied it all away while other parents came to collect their kids and just stood in the dining room watching their kids eat while we ran about daft, washing floors and pulling heavy games aparatus and tables about the room.

Our school party was the highlight of the year and the kids loved it, they talked of nothing else for weeks leading up to it and afterwards. Their costumes were brilliant whether home made or bought and some of the adults dressed up too.

SOme people are just killjoys and dont like the fact that other people make an effort when they cant be arsed.

In Central London some of the squares have very lavish themed homes for Halloween and people come from all over London to enjoy them. Yes, there are men standing in the doorways in clouds of smoke and the kids love it. My guess is your so called friends are a little bit jealous as they can't match it. Have a little wry smile of comfort to yourself instead of raking things up which are probably long forgotten.