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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Apparently I'm the laughing stock of the school

247 replies

MavisFrench · 09/09/2017 19:05

Last year I threw a Halloween party for DD (10 at the time). I did spooky snacks and drinks, had pumpkins to carve and games. It was fancy dress themed and DH and I dressed up too. I was a witch (naturally) and DH was a vampire. DH can be rather theatrical so he had a little smoke machine set up near the front door so that when people arrived he could answer it clouded in smoke and play out his vampire role. He stayed in character throughout the night and the kids seemed to have a good time.

This year I suggested doing the same thing. DD was mortified and said no chance as she was bullied for weeks after the first one!!! I asked why and she said it was DH's "vampire thing" which everyone (including parents!) laughed about and took the piss out of for weeks. So yesterday I asked one of the parents I'm friendly with what the problem was with the first party. She looked uncomfortable and said a few of the parents were laughing about us being "try hards" and one of the dads (chavvy type) said DH was obviously a "peado"!!!

I'm gutted because I put a lot of effort and money into that and had no idea the feedback was so bad, not to mention the piss taking and bullying.

AIBU to take it to the head a year later?

OP posts:
Beadieeye · 09/09/2017 20:33

Set of jealous basts.
One of the dads near us really gets into character at Halloween and it is bloody awesome for all the kids trick or treating, and for the grown ups. Makes me feel like I should make a bit more effort!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/09/2017 20:33

What horrible people

Are you American ? As Britain doesn't really do Halloween quite so ,erm dramatically !

Put it down to hurtful experience and keep an eye out for bullying

converseandjeans · 09/09/2017 20:36

Ignore them. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you are even remotely upset. They sound pretty nasty tbh. You went to the effort of buying in stuff, decorating the house, welcoming people at the door, organising games and because DH made an effort then he must be some sort of weirdo. Try and move on and focus on making new friendships with some nicer people.

Sportsnight · 09/09/2017 20:39

Our neighbours do this every year and it's awesome. Your school parents are idiots.

Summerisdone · 09/09/2017 20:57

@SlugKiller I'm so glad I'm not the only one who though Modern Family and the Dunphy's, that's the first thing that came to my head haha

All honesty though OP, I'd leave things now as it's been a year, but shame on all the parents laughing about it as it sounds like it was great fun

LynetteScavo · 09/09/2017 21:31

Don't go to the head.

Don't invite those rude people to any party ever again.

Have another party, invite more select people, and hold off with the over involvement.

Arealhumanbeing · 09/09/2017 21:32

I wouldn't take it to the head unless she is still being bullied.

They sound awful though. No imagination and not happy unless everything is noooorrrrrmal and, 'down to erf'.

Absolute nightmare. Do try to expand your social circle and maybe join in the celebrations in a different area (away from the school crowd) this year.

SilverFactory · 09/09/2017 21:55

Sounds amazing. Exactly the type of thing I would of loved as a child. Ignore the stupid idiots who took the piss. when you are an idiot (or a chav idiot like the man who said that about your husband) anything a bit different or done with effort is 'weird'. It's not though!!
There's no point taking it to the head now but just make sure your DC knows she can tell you if people are bullying her so you can take it up with the school if it happens again.

Raaaaaah · 09/09/2017 22:12

We had neighbours who did this last year. They had tombs which they rose from amidst smoke when you approached the garden. It was AMAZING and the kids loved it.
However you would be unreasonable to bring it up with the head. They are obvs just a conservative boring bunch.

Mittens1969 · 09/09/2017 22:33

Sounds like it was a fab party, how horrible some people are and what a vile comment. As has been said, it was probably jealousy that your DH is such a great dad.

But there's no point bringing it up with the head, what is she supposed to do a year after the event? The bullying has stopped after all.

Pixel · 09/09/2017 22:42

Of course you can't take it to the Head but I expect you know that. I completely understand why you feel you need to do something because it must have been a terrible shock to find out that people you saw as friends and your child's friends are anything but, and a fond memory has been ruined. I'd be hurt and angry too. I feel angry on your behalf!

As others have said though you need to rise above it otherwise you will just make things worse.

ILoveDolly · 09/09/2017 22:44

Obvious you don't live round my way, Halloween is massive and there is a lot of stupid dressing up which a lot of grown ups participate in. What killjoys in your area!

Jaxhog · 09/09/2017 23:56

We're in the UK, and Halloween is definitely becoming a thing. Kids in our road all dress up - as do the adults with them. We prearrange who can be visited for treats, as we have killjoys too. We dress up to hand out the treats (my DH also does a mean vampire). Then all the kids go onto a large green opposite and bash the heck out of a Pinata. By torchlight. Great fun!

Don't go to the head though. It just makes a thing out of their meaness.

BenLui · 10/09/2017 00:44

Atopfuckingshouting Britain does in fact "do" Halloween.

England might not celebrate the festival but large parts of Britain have done for many many years.

Where do you think the Americans got the traditional from? Scotland and Ireland.

In Scotland it's called guising rather than trick or treating and you have to do a party piece for your sweets but it's not that different.

My Grandmother who was born before World War One went guising as a child. It's not new.

Barbadosgirl · 10/09/2017 00:56

Don't go to the Head but they are dull and sad little people.

Please can I come to your party this year? Smile

Willow2017 · 10/09/2017 01:03

stopfuckingshoutingatme

Erm yes we do as I am sure Scotland is still part of Britian, and have done for centuries.

Maybe check out where the USA got the tradition from?

We go a bit mad at Halloween and have loads of guisers round, my kids get enough sweets to last them a year on Halloween!

My kids look forward to it for months, primary school has a fantastic Halloween Party too.

One person in the village does the whole 'haunted house' thing, smoke, spooky lights and things that scare you as you go through. We know how to have a good time up here Smile

Maybe you should join in the fun this year its fab.

Willow2017 · 10/09/2017 01:06

Benlui

Here too? Thought was hoping it was only on 'the other side' we had to do that. (every sodding year again and again, thread after thread after thread Angry )

Finalmente · 10/09/2017 01:11

Please don't do this to your child again.

BenLui · 10/09/2017 01:32

Willow I do occasionally think I should just avoid MN from mid September until Bonfire Night when MNers will complain about fireworks

It drives me to complete distraction, every year.

Pumpkins are American yes, when I was a kid we carved turnips, but Halloween (or Samhainn) is really, really old.

Scotland, Ireland, Isle of Man, Wales and Cornwall all historically celebrated festivals at this time of year.

I've been an MNer for ten years. Every single year a pile of Scots respond to snidey "Halloween is American not British" posts with an educational response.

Seriously we should have an annual sticky or automatic banning

blueberrypie0112 · 10/09/2017 03:47

My kids would loved your party. Don't worry, your kids will look back and smile, and appreciate the wonderful memories you have given them. Everything else will be forgotten

emmyrose2000 · 10/09/2017 05:23

The sicko who said your DH is a peado is absolute scum.

Their comments say much more about them than it does about you. Aside from being jealous, they sound very rude and vile.

Remy66 · 10/09/2017 05:41

There was a man who lived near me when I was a child who sounds a lot like your DH.
All of the local kids would go up to his house for a Halloween party (he had children too, obviously Grin ) it was amazing. But I know that he did get some naysayers along the same lines. But it's a very fond memory of mine regardless.
So,
YANBU to be upset, but YABU to want to take it to the head. It'll only drag it all up again and you can't really reprimand the bullies at this point. If they even do remember bullying your DD it will only refresh their memory of it (therefore will happen again)

Remy66 · 10/09/2017 05:43

As for Britain doesn't do Halloween.
That was in Wales in the 80's. Halloween has been a "thing" for as long as I can remember. Though pumpkins didn't become popular until the 90s (in my area anyway).

Leilaniii · 10/09/2017 06:35

Aw, poor you and your DH Sad. I think your hallowe'en party sounded awesome. They're probably just jealous. I would love to go to a party like that and so would my kids.

GhostCurry · 10/09/2017 06:40

Sad That's so mean of them.

Don't bring it up, just let it go, or all those memories will be stirred up amongst he idiots you are surrounded by too.