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AIBU?

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Original poster

Apparently I'm the laughing stock of the school

247 replies

MavisFrench · 09/09/2017 19:05

Last year I threw a Halloween party for DD (10 at the time). I did spooky snacks and drinks, had pumpkins to carve and games. It was fancy dress themed and DH and I dressed up too. I was a witch (naturally) and DH was a vampire. DH can be rather theatrical so he had a little smoke machine set up near the front door so that when people arrived he could answer it clouded in smoke and play out his vampire role. He stayed in character throughout the night and the kids seemed to have a good time.

This year I suggested doing the same thing. DD was mortified and said no chance as she was bullied for weeks after the first one!!! I asked why and she said it was DH's "vampire thing" which everyone (including parents!) laughed about and took the piss out of for weeks. So yesterday I asked one of the parents I'm friendly with what the problem was with the first party. She looked uncomfortable and said a few of the parents were laughing about us being "try hards" and one of the dads (chavvy type) said DH was obviously a "peado"!!!

I'm gutted because I put a lot of effort and money into that and had no idea the feedback was so bad, not to mention the piss taking and bullying.

AIBU to take it to the head a year later?

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 10/09/2017 08:55

Ben
Ha ha I remember helping my dad carving out neeps and him swearing under his breath 😀 they were not easy but I loved carving out a face once it was done.
These days I am the one swearing as I do push myself to do complicated designs on punpkins😀 but we love Halloween and go mad outside with themed 'decorations'.
Oh well will brace myself for the daft threads to come 😉

Lethaldrizzle · 10/09/2017 08:59

You must have invited kids who were not your dc's true friends. Real friends would not bully them. I always have small select celebrations for the dcs.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 10/09/2017 09:05

It sounds awesome!
Unfortunately one persons fun is another persons embarrassing and one persons 'cool' is another persons boring.
They just don't get you I'm afraid find people who do.

TealStar · 10/09/2017 09:09

Everyone's said what I was going to say when I first read your post OP. There was a poster with cheese in her/his name (sorry it would take a while to scroll back and find the poster) that had some particularly wise words about these people being of low emotional development and unable to process the concept of personal pride in achievement.

I would add op that I'm a bit surprised that your dd felt unable to speak to you about the bullying last year... perhaps rather than worrying about the opinions of a handful of narrow minded individuals you could have a chat to your dd instead? Ask her how she feels and why she couldn't speak to you at the time so you could support her perhaps.

Flowers you do sound lovely and good for you for doing such a wonderful thing.

chasingstarsthisevening · 10/09/2017 09:11

There is a school of thought that thinks adults interacting with children equates to paedophile.

It is both ridiculous and unpleasant but I do feel for DD in this.

I am also wondering why she didn't feel she could talk to you at the time.

mummyofmoomoos · 10/09/2017 09:12

Nasty stuck-up turds!!! The bullying will have come from the adults snide comments in the first place- jealousy is a terrible thing. I would love to come to your party, as would my 15 year old, 5 year old and 4 year old! We love halloween, it sounds perfect! Leave the judgemental butt-munchers to it and just enjoy Flowers

WellThisIsShit · 10/09/2017 09:23

Oh that's so sad. Makes me worried about doing my own Halloween party this year, I love celebrations and fun!

It's sad some people like to destroy others enthusiasm and plunging fully into the spirit of an occasion. It's one of the things I dislike most about 'Britishness'.

It's a bit like a combination of self consciousness (turned on others), and tall poppy syndrome. This sneering is not an attitude to be proud of.

Goldfishshoals · 10/09/2017 09:24

I've met adults like those op describes.

They seem to be locked into some sort of apathetic race to the bottom where putting any effort in/doing anything remotely interesting or different are automatically mocked.

Dull shits. Cut them out of your life.

Ishouldbedoingsomething · 10/09/2017 09:38

Your party sounds fantastic!!! Keep doing it just watch who you invite

I love Halloween and go over the top each year - kids now early teens and not too sure if they want to do it so I have invited adults and everyone is so keen to dress up - it's my "thing" to go over the top as I love the prep & planning

I think the problem these days is people get annoyed when they think you are doing something that seems like it's from "Pinterest". I don't post there but do get ideas and get a few eye rolls from people about the amount of effort I put in - but these are from the people who think a party is opening a bag of crisps and putting them on the table!

Ishouldbedoingsomething · 10/09/2017 09:40

Wellthisisshit - agree about the pulling other people down to their level - it's so annoying.

My obstinate side makes me do more of what annoys them 😜

ToastyFingers · 10/09/2017 10:07

You seem nice, and the other parents in this story sound vile

BUT

I think the 'theatrical' staying in character thing only really appeals to younger kids, up to 6 maybe?

I know at 10/11 I'd have cringed hard at someone's dad trying to get me to play along and although I'd never have ribbed the kid in question over it, I can imagine plenty would.

JonSnowsWife · 10/09/2017 10:09

I'd leave it OP. If you want to have another one, then do so but don't invite the other parents & kids who didnt like it.

DD got invited to a Halloween Party last year. The lady dressed up and all the children had a meal, played games and got took trick or treating.
The only thing I thought of the parents were how fun they were and what a lovely thing to do! They sound ungrateful OP. Ignore them and I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing they'd upset you a year later.

Therealslimshady1 · 10/09/2017 10:13

We have friends who do fab halloween parties like this!

But around age 11, kids start to feel self conscious about their parents, it is the beginning of puberty, it is normal

So maybe ask your dd what she would like this year

She may prefer to just go trick or treating with her friends (mine do)

Lovingmybear2 · 10/09/2017 10:20

Maybe your dd was exaggerating because she doesn't want another party.

She's getting self conscious and I ageee with Toadsty parents trying too hard at that age is embaressing.

Leave the party of course don't contact the head and concentrate on getting your dd through the tricky years ahead.

Appuskidu · 10/09/2017 10:22

Definitely don't speak to the head-it has nothing to do with the school and a bringing it all up a year later is just counter productive.

Obviously we weren't at the party-what exactly happened? It seems odd that a bunch of nice people suddenly decided that your party was ridiculous and too try hard. Or did you invite a bunch of not niceness people? You called one of the dads a 'chav' -is he not nice or are you being not nice there?

haveacupoftea · 10/09/2017 10:23

The paedo comment was disgusting although I also take issue with the fact that it was repeated to you. The person who you talked to could have been a bit more sensitive about divulging what the comments were.

Was DD actually bullied or just teased? Either way it's not good but it's done now so going to the head won't achieve anything.

I bet nearly everyone loved it. There's always somebody who complains at parties - like the ones who come up to the bride and groom at a wedding to tell them they didn't like their meal 🙄 just ignore them. But don't be upset at DD, she's just getting a little too old and cool for that kind of party.

Lovingmybear2 · 10/09/2017 10:26

I think it's great to go OTT and Pinterest of course although I do eye roll at endless FB photos of perfect hand made crafts. It's all a bit,look at me arnt I clever,and takes me back to the annoying kid in school who made grunting noises while holding their hand up.

I know I should post 'oh that looks amazing' but I want to post 'so what'. Wink

MrsJamesAspey · 10/09/2017 10:31

I wouldn't worry about your dd saying she was bullied for weeks, it does sound like an exaggeration, was probably just some teasing for a few days.

Some girls were giving my dd a hard time last year and she only told me about it afterwards, when I asked her why she didn't tell me she said "why? What could you do? I knew they'd stop if I just ignored them"

It's nice if our kids let us know of any problems, but they can and should be able to deal with most of it without parents getting involved.

user997799779977 · 10/09/2017 10:36

Dont go to the head. Have a low key party that your DC will enjoy but dont invite the nasty twats' DCs. I dont care about people saying but its not their fault. I won't let my kids hang out with the product of chavs.

user997799779977 · 10/09/2017 10:37

Appuskidu
You called one of the dads a 'chav' -is he not nice or are you being not nice there?

A chav is a chav is a chav. How would you describe loser type who call people paedo, precious?

Trampire · 10/09/2017 10:38

OP, your party sounds awesome! Ungrateful people. I'm sure they did enjoy it and one or two comments just snowballed. Ignore it and be proud you can throw a good party.

As for every bloody year this comes up Halloween being American - I'm 45 and we did HUGE Halloweens in Wales in the 70's and 80's. Full on fancy dress, trick or treating the lot. We tended to carve turnips and swedes though instead of pumpkins and put string through and carry them as lanterns.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 10/09/2017 10:43

The friend you spoke to, whose opinion I assume you trust: did she think it was "try hard"?

Because if she did, I think there's a reasonable chance that your DH did take it too far, so be aware of that and take it into account in the future.

If she didn't, and thinks the other parents are just cocks, then ignore them as pathetic losers and get on with life!

Sparkletastic · 10/09/2017 10:43

Sounds like DH strayed into embarrassing dad territory.

PurpleTango · 10/09/2017 10:47

Middle finger up to the haters OP. Go ahead with your plans and invite people who will appreciate you efforts. I love a good Halloween party - got room for another 6? 👻🎃😈☠️

JonSnowsWife · 10/09/2017 10:50

You called one of the dads a 'chav' -is he not nice or are you being not nice there?*

He called the Dad a Paedo. The chav Dad here is definitely not the nice one.