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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Apparently I'm the laughing stock of the school

247 replies

MavisFrench · 09/09/2017 19:05

Last year I threw a Halloween party for DD (10 at the time). I did spooky snacks and drinks, had pumpkins to carve and games. It was fancy dress themed and DH and I dressed up too. I was a witch (naturally) and DH was a vampire. DH can be rather theatrical so he had a little smoke machine set up near the front door so that when people arrived he could answer it clouded in smoke and play out his vampire role. He stayed in character throughout the night and the kids seemed to have a good time.

This year I suggested doing the same thing. DD was mortified and said no chance as she was bullied for weeks after the first one!!! I asked why and she said it was DH's "vampire thing" which everyone (including parents!) laughed about and took the piss out of for weeks. So yesterday I asked one of the parents I'm friendly with what the problem was with the first party. She looked uncomfortable and said a few of the parents were laughing about us being "try hards" and one of the dads (chavvy type) said DH was obviously a "peado"!!!

I'm gutted because I put a lot of effort and money into that and had no idea the feedback was so bad, not to mention the piss taking and bullying.

AIBU to take it to the head a year later?

OP posts:
CouldWouldaDidnt · 10/09/2017 10:51

That sounds like a brilliant party and the sniggering/try hard comments from the other kids and parents smacks of jealousy on their part tbh.

Do something for a smaller group this year perhaps?

YABU to raise it with the head a year on though and BU to refer to a Dad as a chavvy type although what he said was disgusting.

dolcezza99 · 10/09/2017 10:53

I'm with a few OPs: this does sound like a little bit of a babyish party for 10 and 11 year olds, and the being in character thing is really cringey, sorry OP. Of course you''d be unreasonable to take it to the head, it wasn't a school party. What do you expect them to do?

Disn3yN3rd · 10/09/2017 10:53

Sounds like an awesome party to me with jealous playground parents.

randomer · 10/09/2017 10:59

What is the definition of being bullied? Was she bullied or did a few stupid people say stupid things?

rightnowimpissed · 10/09/2017 10:59

There is no such thing as try hard at Hallowe'en so don't listen to anyone who says this they are being dicks,

You have fun and if others don't like it then they can go.....

Ask your dc why they didn't say anything before if people were being horrible, i know it would be the first thing mine would do as soon as they're home from school on the day that anything has happened.

As for the pedeo comments well I would firmly let these idiots know that if it was related again they'd be on the end of a lawsuit, you can't let that one run it's too dangerous. Smile

rightnowimpissed · 10/09/2017 11:03

As for the party being too childish, what are you people on about. Why do people try and make their kids old before their time. Let them be little plenty of time for them to be old later. Primary school children should be carefree to enjoy themselves.

I'll never understand people who squeeze all of the fun out of childhood Confused

cudeatahorse · 10/09/2017 11:05

I think there were a lot of jealous parents who rprobably circulated all the nasty rumours. Their children no doubt picked up on it'
You and your husband sound like great parents.

I wouldn't involve the school.

Willow2017 · 10/09/2017 11:13

dolce
She meant talk to the head about the bullying her dd had after the party not the actual party or the adults. Read her posts!

Too late now but she was just asking if she should.

Khaleesisdragons · 10/09/2017 11:16

What horrible things to hear! The party sounds lovely and nice to hear parents joining in and not just hiring someone else to do it all for them.
I wouldn't take it to the head now though it's gone to far past the event and might just stir things up again for your daughter.
If you do something like this again this year just keep the invites to people who will appreciate a party like this and not the miserable ones. Smile

MrsHathaway · 10/09/2017 11:32

Wow. The school parents sound far up their own arses and it's rubbing off on the children.

We have a small Halloween party for our near neighbours with small children. Very low key, mainly to be a starting point for going ToTing together.

Friends have a big Halloween party and go all out. It's quite the event of the year locally and those who aren't invited can be wistful about it Grin They do a creepy grotto and everything. It's brilliant.

You do you. If they think it's rubbish they don't have to go. As for calling your DH a peado (sp intentional) ... the mind boggles.

Lovingmybear2 · 10/09/2017 11:41

I don't think it's 'haters' to just be a little bit careful of not falling into totally embarrassing parent mode.

We all do it but to me the 'staying in character' thing might be great for 6 year olds but grating to parents of 19 year olds at pick up/drop off or those who stayed.

I think there might have been a few comments here op but I simply can't imagine all the parents and all the kids laughing about you or dd being full on bullied.

She's getting to the embarrassing age and doesn't want a repeat party. That's her choice. She's probably exaggerating the bullying to stop you planning another.

By 17 do it again and you and dh will be 'legends'

Lovingmybear2 · 10/09/2017 11:41

Sorry parents of 9 year olds. 19 year olds would love it

SuperPug · 10/09/2017 11:44

Ungrateful sods.
You went to a good deal of effort, possibly some of those kids have never seen their parents like that. Hmm
I wouldn't bother with them but I would speak to the school about the bullying.

SuperPug · 10/09/2017 11:46

Ah sorry, on second thoughts, too late to involve the school now. The parents sound incredibly ignorant

Kaybush · 10/09/2017 11:52

OP I haven't read the full thread but PLEASE PLEASE DON'T WORRY THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!!

Almost every week when I have coffee with mum friends from my school, there is a funny tale of an incident or incidents at a child's party over the weekend and things going wrong. We've all had it happen to us.

In fact we're still giggling at my 10 yr old DD's sleepover party in June being one of the worst and most traumatic ever (mainly for the parents).

The try hards give the very best parties!! Sure they're always a bit naff and cheesy but that's because they're kids' parties!

I bet the children from last year can't wait for your next one - you should promise to make it even more over the top - it sounds brilliant!!

sonjadog · 10/09/2017 11:57

Some people love putting others down. I pity them when I meet them. Imagine going through life always looking for things to be negative about and criticize?!

I bet your daughter will look back at the party later in life with joy over how much effort her parents went to for her party. I wouldn´t take up the comments now - the time for that has been and gone. Don´t let the miseries drag you down to their level.

Kaybush · 10/09/2017 12:07

OP I've just reread your original post and the thing that really leaps out is the 'friend' that told you about the comments.

I do wonder if she is the one who has blown it out of proportion - with her comments now as well as last year, passing her feelings onto her own child, who then maybe mentioned it to other children.

Is she competitive with you - do you think she was put out that you gave such an entertaining party and have a husband who gets so involved..?

gamerwidow · 10/09/2017 12:12

It's too late to go to the head unless it's still going on. What's the point of bringing up something the kids have already forgotten about.
At least you know you not to waste your money on the ingrates this year!

3DGlasses · 10/09/2017 12:15

Let it go.

(But I'd be giving the 'paedo' comment dad evils forever more. What a nasty prick)

WineGummyBear · 10/09/2017 12:34

Hi OP

I haven't RTFT but just in case someone hasn't already said this...

I wouldn't assume that one/two parents speak for everyone. Strikes me as unlikely that all the parents are humourless spoilsports.

The mocking/bullying that your daughter put up with undoubtedly felt awful (kids can be relentless when someone dates to be different. But it was a year ago and as long as you don't throw another party things will/have moved on...

Bet a good proportion of the kids and parents really enjoyed that party...

DingDongDenny · 10/09/2017 12:45

How dramatic was your DP? -Was it a bit like Rod Hull and Emu? Kind of in your face and a bit irratating?

blueberrypie0112 · 10/09/2017 12:51

Ding Dong, I don't think it matters. Her husband was having fun. People should without fear of how they should act. If he was that bad, he would have been trending on the internet haha

Aeroflotgirl · 10/09/2017 12:57

What nasty people, have a party for just you guys, or a few close trusted friends. Don't waste any effort on them, it was nice that you did a party in the first place. Keep a distance from them. If their children overhear their patents, and bully your kids for it, how awful.

SuperPug · 10/09/2017 13:00

I don't think that making an effort for a party makes you a "try hard". That comes across as a bit mean and judgemental to be honest.

Bluntness100 · 10/09/2017 13:01

Ding Dong, I don't think it matters

I think it's the crux of the issue, it's what's causing the reaction and the teasing. He stayed "in character all night" it's a fancy dress party not a movie. It was probably just a bit over the top and embarrassing dad shit and people felt a bit uncomfortable. The op says he tends to be dramatic, so I'm guessing it was a little Ott and went on a bit too long so it tipped into weird. If I was the op I'd just shrug it off and move on.