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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Apparently I'm the laughing stock of the school

247 replies

MavisFrench · 09/09/2017 19:05

Last year I threw a Halloween party for DD (10 at the time). I did spooky snacks and drinks, had pumpkins to carve and games. It was fancy dress themed and DH and I dressed up too. I was a witch (naturally) and DH was a vampire. DH can be rather theatrical so he had a little smoke machine set up near the front door so that when people arrived he could answer it clouded in smoke and play out his vampire role. He stayed in character throughout the night and the kids seemed to have a good time.

This year I suggested doing the same thing. DD was mortified and said no chance as she was bullied for weeks after the first one!!! I asked why and she said it was DH's "vampire thing" which everyone (including parents!) laughed about and took the piss out of for weeks. So yesterday I asked one of the parents I'm friendly with what the problem was with the first party. She looked uncomfortable and said a few of the parents were laughing about us being "try hards" and one of the dads (chavvy type) said DH was obviously a "peado"!!!

I'm gutted because I put a lot of effort and money into that and had no idea the feedback was so bad, not to mention the piss taking and bullying.

AIBU to take it to the head a year later?

OP posts:

ConsiceandNice · 10/09/2017 13:05

I know some full-on performance parents and all of them are mortifyingly embarrassing for their kids. They may be unreasonable and killjoys, but it is what it is. Let it go and don't give them an awesome halloween experience again.

GiraffesLikeToDance · 10/09/2017 13:29

I think maybe it is the people in your area. I am a nanny and did similar for the nanny kids and loads of their friends as their was an inservice day on Halloween so all off. In fact I invited a MNer and her 3 dds as she was over here (She lives in Australia now but was back for a visit) They all loved it. The kids raved about it, the parents kept sending appreciative messages etc. And I had them doing revolting things like stick hands in buckets of witches potion made from cooked spaghetti and cold soup etc. Your party sounds great and it is such a shame the effort wasn't appreciated!

Mind you I am female and so allowed to enjoy other kids company and making them laugh - men doing this clearly predatory sex offenders.

elfinpre · 10/09/2017 13:36

I can't believe the reactions on this thread, practically justifying the bullying.

Do mention the bullying just disclosed to you to current teacher rather than the head, so that they can look out for any similar patterns of behaviour. Some parents can be so narrow minded and bitchy - it comes from them.

Lovingmybear2 · 10/09/2017 13:52

I think it's all been blown out of proportion here.

One or two of the parents might have taken the piss out of you and dh for being a bit OTT and your dd might have been a bit teased.

If she had been full on bullied that's hard to belive and that you wouldn't have known it.

Leave it now op. Honestly forget it seems to me your 'friend' is a trouble maker and jealous of you.

Lovingmybear2 · 10/09/2017 14:08

No one has justified the bullying if bullying occurred. No one has said bullying is ok!

However the op asked should she inform the school of an event that may have happened a year ago! Er no of course not.

And op said her dh was dramatically in character all night which could be embatessing dad territory and a tad wierd for the guests and parents. That's quite ok to point out.

Pointless posting in aibu and for others to completely agree with the op and refuse to acknowledge others view points,which to be fair the op hasn't,but some posters have.

Put it behind you op and I bet when your dd is older the party will be fondly remembered as when 'mum and dad were awesome but mental'

rightnowimpissed · 10/09/2017 14:08

**Lovingmybear2 I think your right re their reactions jealous 😒.

Find out if your daughter is still having a hard time with these ones and speak to the school at that stage

valeinoyikbuno · 10/09/2017 14:13

Don't complain to the head.

Work out why your daughter didn't trust you enough to tell you about the bullying at the time (hint: it is definitely not her fault and she should not be told that she ought to have trusted you)

blueberrypie0112 · 10/09/2017 14:17

It really doesn't matter. When I was in mainstream school as the only deaf, I never seem to act right to anyone. Everything I said or do was funny to them (bullying type of funny. They loved to mocked me a lot.) I have given up caring what people thought and have my own fun

JonSnowsWife · 10/09/2017 14:40

elfinpre I agree. I got the reputation of being a snob at the DCs primary school 'because I always made sure they were in nice stuff'. I had no choice. Both DCs are stupidly tall and the clothes from the 'posher' shops were the only ones that would fit them!

OP it does sound like the other parents are just jealous. I think another posters advice in just letting your DDs current teacher know is the best advice. That way it can be subtly kept an eye on without dragging it all back up again.

Lovingmybear makes a good point. Maybe you're friend is a bit of a troublemaker. I wonder what her reaction was when the other parents were taking the piss. Seems weird if shes that good a friend wouldn't she have told you straight away and not just when you asked a year later?

Francesca14 · 10/09/2017 14:49

What an ungrateful bunch, I'd have loved something like that.

Unfortunately some people are still not used to seeing Dads take such an interest in their children. Such a shame.

DingDongDenny · 10/09/2017 15:42

Ding Dong, I don't think it matters

It doesn't matter in the sense that they shouldn't have been bitching and the paedo comment was unforgivable

But if it was embarrassing and over the top then people will roll their eyes and comment and your DD will be mortified - that's just a fact. It's more of an explanation than an excuse

sheep73 · 10/09/2017 17:24

Good grief what would the head do about it????

The parents sound awful though. Def dont spend any more time / effort on them!

Katherine2626 · 10/09/2017 17:24

Horrible sneery people. Ignore them - don't make the effort again as they don't deserve it if all they can do is take the p.
As for the comment about a paedo - when your DH has made such effort to entertain the kids then that remark says a lot more about the one who made it, and what is uppermost in HIS mind.
Unless your daughter is still being bullied about it then I would leave the Head right out of it - what is she supposed to do after all this time about an event that took place out of school? Sorry you have had this nasty outcome but I would ignore them and move on.

Wickedstepmum67 · 10/09/2017 17:27

I'm with everyone who has said don't bother with such sneery and humourless people in future. Also, I think your child could use nicer friends! It sounds like a lovely party and you sound like great parents who wanted to make it a great birthday for your child - and what on earth is wrong with that?

angelfacecuti75 · 10/09/2017 17:29

I wouldn't entertain their children again and I wouldn't be going to the time effort and money of entertaining them either. What you did was a fun thing. How it could be seen as perverted I've got no idea! Protect yourself and don't do it anymore!

AgentCooper · 10/09/2017 17:32

This makes me sad, OP. I love Halloween and people who really make an effort for it I would love to come to your party.

I don't think there's any point taking it to the head but you can feel safe in the knowledge that those parents are cunts.

sassyannie · 10/09/2017 17:35

Good grief. My son (22) hid in our front garden dressed as a monster two years running and jumped out at trick and treaters (we live in a village). Didn't think much off it, but last year, the children were positively anticipating something to happen at our house.... think your daughter is exaggerating and your other half just entered into the spirit of it. Thought parents were supposed to embarrass their children.?

ahhhhhwoof · 10/09/2017 17:36

It's too late and nothing todo with them the fact that you feel embarrassed about your 'theatrical' husband. Tell him to drink beers in the background like normal dad this time. In all seriousness YABU but let it go

KnowsStuff · 10/09/2017 17:37

What a bunch of ignorant ungrateful ill bred little brats (which usually stems from their parents). Perhaps soend the money this year on taking DD somewhere to up her cool rating eg Disneyworld if funds allow or perhaps just a beautiful spa weekend somewhere. You can work out from DD best way to do this. I believe (unfortunately) that though the main bully protagonists will be reprimanded if you go to the head teacher, it may intensify the bullying for DD. Perhaps send her to martial arts classes - not just for self defence, they focus on building courage and confidence. And obviously great exercise. I suggest getting DD signed up to an acting agency or similar "cool" thing. I'd advise don't tell DD until they offer representation so no disappointment if not accepted (doesn't mean she not beautiful. Agencies turn down for many reasons eg already someone on their boks similar). She can always turn it down lol.
These are reputable:
www.stormmanagement.com/become-a-model/

www.bonnieandbetty.com

See my previous post on which "agencies" to avoid if of interest.

Oblomov17 · 10/09/2017 17:42

How rude!
Some of the people in our street ho to a lot of trouble for Halloween. I would never say such nasty things about them.

PinkPanther27 · 10/09/2017 17:53

Omg, I would love that, sounds awesome (and exactly what we would do). Can we come to your party? 🙂

clarkl2 · 10/09/2017 17:53

Why would you take it to the head? Grow up.

rightnowimpissed · 10/09/2017 18:00

*Today 17:53 clarkl2

Why would you take it to the head? Grow up.*
She was talking about the bullying afaik so that's quite rude

impossible · 10/09/2017 18:03

Don't go to the headteacher! Your dd may not have felt able to tell you at the time because your response would be to escalate the problem by creating a fuss - presumably you would have considered going to the head at the time. (The had incidentally could do nothing and would be put in an awkward position for no reason.)

Your guests seem horrible and ungracious so I'd keep away from them. And perhaps talk to your dd so that in future she feels she can tell you what she's feeling without fear of redicule.

maudeismyfavouritepony · 10/09/2017 18:19

They are jealous, ignore them, move on, don't go to the Head, its not a school issue.

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