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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Apparently I'm the laughing stock of the school

247 replies

MavisFrench · 09/09/2017 19:05

Last year I threw a Halloween party for DD (10 at the time). I did spooky snacks and drinks, had pumpkins to carve and games. It was fancy dress themed and DH and I dressed up too. I was a witch (naturally) and DH was a vampire. DH can be rather theatrical so he had a little smoke machine set up near the front door so that when people arrived he could answer it clouded in smoke and play out his vampire role. He stayed in character throughout the night and the kids seemed to have a good time.

This year I suggested doing the same thing. DD was mortified and said no chance as she was bullied for weeks after the first one!!! I asked why and she said it was DH's "vampire thing" which everyone (including parents!) laughed about and took the piss out of for weeks. So yesterday I asked one of the parents I'm friendly with what the problem was with the first party. She looked uncomfortable and said a few of the parents were laughing about us being "try hards" and one of the dads (chavvy type) said DH was obviously a "peado"!!!

I'm gutted because I put a lot of effort and money into that and had no idea the feedback was so bad, not to mention the piss taking and bullying.

AIBU to take it to the head a year later?

OP posts:

Holidayhooray · 09/09/2017 19:50

Wait.

WTAF.

Take it to the head??

What planet are you on?!

FixItUpChappie · 09/09/2017 19:51

Aw, I would find that so upsetting. Jealousy and a lack of imagination on their part. Sounds like you did something fun for their kids and yours - what a bunch of uptight whiners! Don't drag it up now with other parents but do go right on being fabulous and having fun with your kids.

Ttbb · 09/09/2017 19:51

The head? As in the head of the school? You can't be serious! Your DD is the 10 year old not you.

MiaowTheCat · 09/09/2017 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatosSlipper · 09/09/2017 19:53

Sounds awesome, some people are ungrateful fuckers. Do not take it the head, they will think you are bat shit (see what I did there )

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/09/2017 19:55

Why are some people so cruel, stupid, and riddled with envy!?

Rise above it. Move on. They are complete pricks. And the twat who called your DH a 'paedo' is obviously thick as shit.

You can't go to the head. You have to shrug your shoulders and weed the idiots out from the nicer parents.

Your party sounded awesome.

Bluntness100 · 09/09/2017 19:58

For gods sake, don't go to the head, do you want to make your kids life's a living hell? Drag it all up again and worse this time? Let it go.

As for the comments, I'm not sure it is jealousy, I'm sorry. Everyone loves a good party. I'd wonder just how much your husband got into the vampire act, it seems even your own daughter is embarrassed by it and I wonder if he took it too far and made folks uncomfortable, hence the comments about trying too hard.

We have all met that guy who dresses up and then goes beyond funny into discomfiting behaviour, where they want to be the centre of attention and just don't know when to stop.

For your kids sake don't have another party, don't complain to the head and I'd not mention it to my husband either, it can't be undone and he doesn't need to be hurt by it.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 09/09/2017 20:01

Your party sounds great OP. Is it possible that DD is exaggerating the negative opinions a little?

I know IABU to point out that it is PAEDO and not peado

Ilikesweetpeas · 09/09/2017 20:01

Your party sounds awesome! They were probably jealous

DizzyDandelion · 09/09/2017 20:02

Some people are just mean op.
Party sounds great and sure most people did really enjoy it.
DD maybe bigging up embarrassment because of her age and not wanting to be centre of attention.
You did a nice thing. Have a break this year. I bet some people will actually miss your party....
[Not sure I like sound of your friend much who shared 'alleged' comments].

RP23 · 09/09/2017 20:03

I would say that if your daughter is no longer being picked on there's not much the head can do, but maybe ask her if anyone ever picks on her to tell you straight away so you can get it sorted? (I'm sure you already have done but kids hate to tell don't they!)
As for the parents they sound so ungrateful and downright rude and I wouldn't bother again. Sounds like a fab party to me!

Ansumpasty · 09/09/2017 20:06

I'm with the others, it has nothing to do with the head and is long gone.

Those parents (and kids) sound like a nasty bunch and were probably jealous.

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 09/09/2017 20:07

I would wonder what more there was to this. As a PP said, there is always the one person who gets too carried away and ends up becoming an embarrassment and making others uncomfortable. Also, it would be one thing for people to have said it was a bit OTT at the time, but laughing about it and teasing your DD for weeks? Really? That to me says there is far more to the story than just you had a cool party and other parents were jealous so made nasty remarks that they wouldn't go again.

I wonder what the story is from the other side.

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 09/09/2017 20:09

Welcome to mn btw.

MammaTJ · 09/09/2017 20:14

We do halloween in a big way round here. All the kids would love it.

Yes, do go to the school, but only if the bullying is continuing now, not over stuff that happened a year ago!

SallyOMalley · 09/09/2017 20:18

Your party sounds bloody marvellous, but don't take it to the Head. Just let it ride.

Fwiw, my Dsis and Bil put on a great show every Halloween. Funnily enough, it's their Dd's birthday at Halloween too (are you my sister?!). They are the talk of the neighbourhood, but very much in a good way. The kids who are out trick or treating see their house as the 'grand finale'! When my ds told his mates that his cousins lived there, his kudos went through the roof

Parents can't do right from wrong when their kids start to turn 10 / 11. And it sounds like the other parents are 'doing down' the fab party you gave ... A particularly nasty sense of envy perhaps?

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/09/2017 20:19

I think the ship has sailed. Best to let it continue on, rather than dredge it all up again.

I can't believe the sort of sheltered people who would find a Halloween party so out of their comfort zone, that they have to take the piss like that.

However, is your 'theatrical' DH a genuine hoot, or just a bit cringey / annoying?

quizqueen · 09/09/2017 20:23

It sounded a great party, my granddaughter would have loved something like that. It sounds like the parents you know are a load of snobs so don't make any effort to entertain them or their kids in future. Speak to your daughter about being the importance of being open about problems at school and deal with stuff as it arises but don't bring something up which happened a year ago unless it's still relevant now..

ToeKneeChestNut · 09/09/2017 20:26

I wonder why your DD didn't tell you about the name-calling etc at the time.

Did it perhaps become your party, rather than hers?

I ask because friends of mine are OTT when it comes to parties: staying in character, being centre of attention, and it does make their DC cringe. They had a big argument about it (when the eldest was nine years old). I know because the mum's my friend. She told me that her DH was spoiling things and making it 'all about him'.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/09/2017 20:27

Perhaps you can take comfort in the fact that the sort of small minded parents who mock and ridicule a party have probably moved onto another target and are sniggering about someone else now.

iamyourequal · 09/09/2017 20:27

OP ignore the feedback but perhaps do something different this year. I bet the party was great and the kids loved it at the time. It only takes a couple of sour pusses afterwards to change the tide of opinion. I grew up in 70s/80s and my dad wasn't involved in anything that I remember. But there was a girl in our class who's dad came along to things and made an effort. Both her parents were great. I remember one year for her birthday he did a BBQ for us. It was amazing. I think you kids are extremely lucky to have such involved patents.

purplecorkheart · 09/09/2017 20:29

Unless you oh kept leaning into people trying to bite there neck all night then I think people are just being horrible. I wouldn't worry about it although I would not bring it up again. If kids hear there parents talking about it they may mention it to you child and upset her.

SukiTheDog · 09/09/2017 20:30

Let it go. They're twats. Don't do another party for horrid people like that.

FallingOrbit · 09/09/2017 20:32

Since people seem to enjoy reporting my posts, and MN is happy to oblige in deleting them I'll make a big effort not to swear. Even though that's within the "rules"

I'm a former DJ and still have all of my kit (cost huge amounts and the resale value would mean I'd lose a lot if I sold it so I still have it)

I occasionally still do private events for friends and family, and halloween/bonfire night tends to get combined into one where I live. I always do the event and everyone loves it, I have smoke machines/foggers/laser lighting/UV (Blacklight) etc etc and it ALWAYS goes down well. Sounds to me like you threw a good party. The other parents are probably jealous they couldn't throw such an event.

As for your kids being picked on because of it, I think they probably had a great time but came under pressure from other kids (we were all kids once) - don't pay too much attention to it and don't let it put you off throwing another event! Your DH did exactly what happens when I'm doing the event and it's awesome! I like your DH already! Nothing like having a good old fashioned laugh :)

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/09/2017 20:32

Also 11 year olds are just getting to that self conscious age where they want to be "cool", think their parents are embarrassing, and worry what their peers think so I can understand her not wanting a similar party this year.

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