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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to send a terse note to these families? And maybe an invoice?

300 replies

agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 20:33

My Daughter is 16. Her party is tomorrow....first one for 5 years. I have saved forever to do a fun and unusual activity for her "friendship group". Invites given out late July before school broke up. Reminder invites by instagram in August before deadline for paying deposit and ordering/paying for food. Directions to venue and disclaimers along with paper reminder given out at beginning of this week for invitees.

TONIGHT 3 people have told daughter they are not coming. 2 have yet to say yes or no. Out of 12 (including daughter). Minimum for activity is 10.

When, just when did people become so rude and unfeeling never mind unconscious of wasting money????????????????

OP posts:
Purplemeddler · 09/09/2017 17:08

I'm actually quite surprised that 16 year olds still have parties rather than just getting together with a couple of friends eg to go the cinema.

I didn't have a party after my 12th birthday and DS hasn't been invited to a party since he left primary school.

Purplemeddler · 09/09/2017 17:11

I suspect it is the activity that is the problem. There aren't many teenage girls I know that would want to run around, getting dirty and bruised. Paintballing really hurts when you get hit and leaves massive bruises

I'm not sure about paintballing but I used to love quasar and a pampering party would have been the last thing I'd have chosen. Not all girls are girlie girls.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 09/09/2017 17:17

I hope your DD has had a lovely birthday Cake

PugwallsSummer · 09/09/2017 17:20

I won't do another pay-per-head party as a result of people RSVPing then simply not showing up (despite knowing the venue and the cost). My children are young so in my case entirely the parents responsibility, and on each occasion I have been shocked by their disregard for the time, effort and money that went into planning it.

On the other end of the scale are those who turn up with siblings who are added to the final invoice. 😡

Rachie1986 · 09/09/2017 17:24

Hope she has had a brilliant day and it all went ok x

ShinyStella · 09/09/2017 17:36

I came on hoping to hear that your daughter has had a fabulous day :-)

misshelena · 09/09/2017 17:51

I suspect it is the activity that is the problem

Maybe but I doubt it. My now 17yo dd1 wanted a paintball party for her sweet 16. Let me assure you dd1 is as "TV mainstream" as teen girls go -- loads of friends, varsity captain, volunteers, works, etc. We didn't end up throwing her a party only because we couldn't find a paintball place close enough and she wasn't too excited by anything else. The lucky girl still had a fabulous surprise party, courtesy of boyfriend and bestie. Full disclosure, we are in a major US city, so may be a bit different.
Oh, the surprise party was a pool party, which according to some MN posters in another thread, is also a no-no for teen girls due to makeup and hair! There were 15+ 15-17 yo teen girls at dd1's party so... I guess there are just all sorts of teen girls!

UrsulaPandress · 09/09/2017 17:54

I wonder what happened?

NeverTwerkNaked · 09/09/2017 18:38

How did today go Op? Have been thinking of your daughter today

DamsonGin · 09/09/2017 18:55

Happy birthday OP's DD, hope the paintballing was a blast (girl after my own heart).

JustDanceAddict · 09/09/2017 18:56

My DD is going to a paint balling 16th soon. Am going to double check the arrangements with her as she's being vague about it. Hasn't asked Me to sign anything yet either!! I've known about it for ages but have had no contact from the parent. This girl is def mainstream too.

chinam · 09/09/2017 19:01

I hope your DD had a fantastic day.

DeadButDelicious · 09/09/2017 19:28

I do hope your DD had a lovely day. Shocking behaviour from her so called friends!

Birdshitbridgegotme · 09/09/2017 19:56

Hope your dd had a great day. I hope everyone showed xx

TheweewitchRoz · 09/09/2017 20:09

Hope your DD had a fab day.

user1498726699 · 09/09/2017 20:18

I wouldn't be at all surprised that the ones who bailed out because their parents couldn't be arsed to drive them were telling the truth. DH and I had to be taxi everytime DD and her friends arranged a thing like this or theme park, under 18's club etc and it was never reciprocated by any other parents. If we didn't do it, they wouldnt have gone and it is why we've never planned paintball or theme parks for our younger teens birthdays.

drspouse · 09/09/2017 20:29

Also wondering how it went, I am a Guide leader and I know the Senior Section leaders find girls won't commit/are disorganised/pull out despite parents having signed - but it can also be due to a falling out or deciding someone or something is no longer cool.

Reppin · 09/09/2017 21:31

DeadGood: you realise women aren't a minority group right?
you realise "minority group" doesn't refer to numbers but by who holds majority power (ie men) right?

hooochycoo · 09/09/2017 22:06

Only 3 people turned up to my surprise 16 th birthday party ( and two of them organised it)
I thought that I had just met a couple of friends in an oddly empty room of our local pub. Didn't work it out for a bit until I noticed the banner. Then my blood ran cold so I pretended I hadn't noticed and made my excuses to go home .

Willow2017 · 09/09/2017 22:09

user
These same parents are now transporting the girls twice the distance for something else so your argument falls flat.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 09/09/2017 22:31

OP has no intention of returning to this thread!! But he/she is probably reading and loving the drama.

How funny that an OP who is so bewildered by the rudeness of people not replying, then does a disappearing act herself!!GrinGrinGrin

You reap what you sew.

heresn0ddy · 10/09/2017 00:56

*OP has no intention of returning to this thread!! But he/she is probably reading and loving the drama.

How funny that an OP who is so bewildered by the rudeness of people not replying, then does a disappearing act herself!!

You reap what you sew.*

Hmm Maybe The OP has been busy celebrating her kid's birthday and doesn't feel obliged to update random strangers on the internet just yet on exactly what happened.
Original poster
agirlcalledmove · 10/09/2017 09:18

Hi All....thought I'd pop back in to thank all those very supportive and helpful posters who allowed me tovent so I could be calm and encouraging in real life. I am slightly surprised that people thought I would be able to update on the day itself as obviously I was driving, organising ,feeding and celebrating with my DC, the birthday girl and assorted friends! To those who thought I'd run a hare and sat back when did MN get so suspicious?? And who would be bothered?

As you rightly surmised I was busy!

We corralled enough people to make the paintballing fun and the organisers were fab. DD had fun and the missing people def missed out. Poor them.

I lost 4 deposits despite managing to find some last minute celebarators. Younger DCs ate the food so that didn't go to waste. I transported x2.

Exhausted but happy.

Thank you all

and BTW although the forecast was fair...localised thunderstorms did hit the camping trip....for which actually I feel a bit sorry (but not that much!)

cheers

OP posts:
SaneAsABoxOfFrogs · 10/09/2017 09:42

I'm so pleased your DD had a good time!! And what a terrible shame the camping trip was a washout Grin

pinkdonkey · 10/09/2017 09:44

I've been lurking and just wanted to saw I'm so glad DD had a good day.