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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to send a terse note to these families? And maybe an invoice?

300 replies

agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 20:33

My Daughter is 16. Her party is tomorrow....first one for 5 years. I have saved forever to do a fun and unusual activity for her "friendship group". Invites given out late July before school broke up. Reminder invites by instagram in August before deadline for paying deposit and ordering/paying for food. Directions to venue and disclaimers along with paper reminder given out at beginning of this week for invitees.

TONIGHT 3 people have told daughter they are not coming. 2 have yet to say yes or no. Out of 12 (including daughter). Minimum for activity is 10.

When, just when did people become so rude and unfeeling never mind unconscious of wasting money????????????????

OP posts:
PurpleTango · 09/09/2017 11:02

I have given up on birthday parties for teens. My eldest ds was given a choice - party with his mates or the cost of a party in his pocket. He chose the money. Fantastic! No hassle 😊

Both my daughters birthday parties, from the age of 13, were a nightmare! Very few responses yet some showed up anyway. Lots of bickering about the venues, girls falling out with other girls so didn't want to come if SHE is going blah blah... Those we hadn't heard from or said they weren't coming two weeks before the parties were replaced with other friends. Half of who didn't turn up...

My youngest recently had her 16th. As from year 8 the girls all fell in and out of friends with each other. DD decided she didn't want a party as it was likely to be another waste of money. What she did was created a group chat with the girls of the latest friendship group the night before her birthday and asked them if they would like to go into town, have a look around the shops and go for food. Every one turned up and they had a lovely day. I then extended the invitation for them to sleep over, bought in a few pizzas and they had a wonderful night.

Teenagers are best off organising their own get togethers I think.

Hope your DD had a lovely birthday party with her true friends OP. It's time to ditch the bitches

MissionItsPossible · 09/09/2017 11:03

This is a really sad thread to read. Flowers to all. I hope your daughter has a lovely birthday OP. I am wondering whether the instagram post referencing nerf guns was a passive aggressive way of saying they didn't want to do paintballing? I've done it once (didn't want to but was part of a bigger event) and never again. It hurts like hell and I was covered with bruises and sore for days afterwards.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/09/2017 11:26

I remember a friend having an 18th party in a swanky place all gowns and dinner jackets. I never bothered with celebrating my birthday with friends at all from my teens for the sort of reasons you are citing. I never would have been offered a party like that for my 18th though. It was in the sort of place you'd expect a wedding reception for 50 people to be held. The whole thing really stung. I never felt good enough. Some girls can be so cruel. I think what you did PurpleTango was an excellent idea. I hope your dd had a good day.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 09/09/2017 12:17

How is my comment ironic? Confused I said LOTS of boys can be thoughtless, as can girls. I did NOT say I hate boys! HTH

And women might not be a minority group but what on earth has that got to do with the price of eggs? Girls and women are the most oppressed group in history.

People are still coming out with claptrap about girls on this thread. It is so utterly stupid to bunch a whole group of people together like that and no, you wouldn't do it about any other group so stop pretending it's different! It's not. It's sexist shite!

Waddlelikeapenguin · 09/09/2017 13:35

I hope it went better than expected Flowers

Ninjakittysmells · 09/09/2017 14:18

This reminds me of being younger - I so hope her birthday has gone well. Please do tell her I was in her shoes, and I now have lots of lovely women in my life who wouldn't dream of acting this way. She will find her tribe over time. Wishing her a wonderful birthday x

Migraleve · 09/09/2017 14:25

What a horrible unhelpful post. Those girls are bitches and the parents are twats for enabling that.

But my post wasn't horrible? I certainly didn't name call anyone. Like i said I was just looking at it from a different perspective. 3 last minute drop outs indicate a fallout. That does not automatically make all 3 girls bitches.

Willow2017 · 09/09/2017 15:10

I would imagine if ops daughter had fallen out with the girls she would have said so, and not be upset that they had dropped out.

Migraleve · 09/09/2017 15:12

I would imagine if ops daughter had fallen out with the girls she would have said so, and not be upset that they had dropped out.

I would imagine you don't know much about teenage girls.....

misshelena · 09/09/2017 15:20

Migraleve So, what do you think would be a good reason for 3 girls to change their minds at the last minute? After they've replied "yes". Bear in mind that they are all in the same friend group, which makes a coordinated effort among the 3 a distinct possibility. And frankly, I would also include the 2 "no replies".

Migraleve · 09/09/2017 15:24

Many reasons. However my point was that we don't know. Speculation isn't going to help, but an alternative view sometimes does.

misshelena · 09/09/2017 15:35

migra So name one.

BTW, Your "alternative view" is "speculation", like most of MN.

Migraleve · 09/09/2017 15:42

But I didn't speculate about the reason. I merely said there was a possibility of a fall out. Everyone was so quick to condemn these girls and nobody stopped to ask WHY? That was my point.

misshelena · 09/09/2017 15:46

a possibility of a fall out -- SPECULATION.

Others are also speculating by suggesting those girls were ganging up on OP's dd.

Migraleve · 09/09/2017 15:49

Ok. Be correct. By not speculating I meant I wasn't laying blame. But yeah, you got me there. Well done. You are right. I speculated Shock

It's amazing how just offering another side to something gets people ripping every single word apart. Still, brightened up a rather dull afternoon for me, and you got to feel like a boss Hmm

misshelena · 09/09/2017 15:51

"Falling out" is a remote possibility at best. Unless OP's dd enjoys watching OP's distress, she would have mentioned it.

Willow2017 · 09/09/2017 16:02

I used to be a teenage girl!

I knew if a friend had fallen out with me or vica versa. They didnt leave it up to guesswork they made damm sure everyone knew it and why.

And especially now with social media nothing is 'secret' anymore. They splatter every last detail of their lives all over it for everyone to see. I am sure if 3 of her friends had fallen out with her she would have known about every detail of it by now.

But hey its a faint possibility that these particular girls dont do that they only use social media to crow over a camping trip they have arranged without telling ops daughter. They are possibly not mean girls at all.

Greenkit · 09/09/2017 16:27

I wonder how many turned up and I hope DD had fun no matter what

Allthebestnamesareused · 09/09/2017 16:44

I suspect it is the activity that is the problem. There aren't many teenage girls I know that would want to run around, getting dirty and bruised. Paintballing really hurts when you get hit and leaves massive bruises.

Although it may appeal to your daughter it doesn't have general appeal especially with the poor weather forecast. Even my sons stopped wanting to do it once they passed the age of 13.

However, I hope she had a good number turn up and that she had a good time. One person's exotic fun activity is another's nightmare!

chewiecat · 09/09/2017 16:45

Op hope your daughter had a good time today! And happy birthday x

purplecorkheart · 09/09/2017 16:52

Allthebestnames, I was thinking that too.

Peachyking000 · 09/09/2017 16:54

I suspect it is the activity that is the problem.

Well then, they should have declined when the invitation was received rather than bail out at the last minute

Willow2017 · 09/09/2017 16:54

Allthe & purple

OP has already said that these girls all do plenty outdoor stuff getting wet and dirty on a regular basis plus they are planning a camping trip with nerf guns fights so if they had not wanted to do paintballing they should have said so at the start not accepted the invite then pulled out at the last minute.

Surprisingly many girls like paintballing, playing war games on computers, RPG, comic books, comicon, and many other things commonly referred to as 'boys pursuits'.

Migraleve · 09/09/2017 16:59

willow I used to be a teenage girl as well. I'm not sure why you think that fact makes your post any more valid. They are not all the same!

TheDodgyEnd · 09/09/2017 16:59

I hope OP updates us as to how it went but obviously might not be soon as she is hopefully having a great day with DD