To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

What a wee shite.

I don't know the answer to your question but I have two DDs and I'd be fucking raging if they were punched by anyone.

The boy should be taught not to hit anyone in the face. The teacher was right in that. Not specifically because is a girl.

Violence is wrong. End of.

I think that you'd be right (or less wrong anyway) if the kids were teenagers, but at 8 years old boys aren't bigger or stronger than girls. Pre puberty there's no difference in muscle between the sexes. It's unacceptable to hit anyone, no matter what sex you or your victim are. I am a teacher and I wouldn't say this to a child in my class.

Honestly - I think the teacher is right but didn't have to rant. It is unacceptable to hit anyone and that is what should be taught. It shouldn't matter if you hit a boy or a girl; both are equally serious.

No I think teacher was right.

At that age, there are plenty of girls much bigger and stronger than the boys.

It's unacceptable to hit anyone no matter what gender the person is. If a girl hit a boy that would be just as bad as a boy hitting a girl. If my son came home and I found out he'd been hit by anyone including a girl I would be fuming.

The teacher was right.

Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned

That isn't relevant at 8. At 8 there are little differences in terms of size.

The teacher was absolutely right - the incident shouldn't be treated as anything other than violence against another child - which is obviously unacceptable. It isn't however "worse" because your DD is female.

I'm sorry your DD was hurt.

Surely 'it's wrong to hit people' covers all the bases? If the kid grasps that then job done why muddy the waters?

Actually all the evidence shows that before puberty there is absolutey no difference between boys and girls in terms of strength/muscle mass etc. I think emphasising that hitting anyone is wrong is enough. If you want to make it an "even worse to..." scenario, (which I am nor sure is entirely necessary) then I would add "it is even worse to hit someone who is smaller/weaker than you"

If your daughter is bigger than the boy (not at all uncommon in primary school) then this does not apply, if she is then it does.

Once puberty hits, then the majority of women have smaller bodies/muscle mass than the majorityof men so the "you really really should not hit someone much smaller/weaker than you" can often be replaced by saying that it is particulalry bad for a man/older boy to hit a woman/older girl

Surely the gender is immaterial here? Violence is still violence whether it's delivered by a male or a female! Would you have been less angry if your daughter had been punched by a girl? I don't think so.

No, at that age the teacher is right. I have a seven year old son and I admit I'd be more mortified if he hit a girl than if he hit a boy, but I wouldn't be able to reasonably say why.

At that age it's just 'hitting is wrong'.

Thanks.

That's helped me think about it more clearly. Yes the boy shouldn't have hit anyone at all. But if that had been my son then I would have to have also hadn't conversation that as you grow up it is socially unacceptable to hit a girl/woman. But that my parental preference.

I think I'm being too old fashioned!

Neither gender should be hitting anyone. There are plenty of females who abuse men when they grow up. Also at 5'9" I'm taller than some men and possibly a bit stronger.

It is socially unacceptable to hit anyone

I hope the boys parents were made aware of his unnecessary aggression as well.

I agree that no violence is acceptable, but yes, I would feel worse if my Ds hit a girl rather than a boy. Mortified either way, but boys are more physical in my experience, so may be more likely to retaliate whereas a girl may not.
Hugs for your poor daughter.

Plus I think because my daughter is The youngest in the family (and quite a bit younger) I'm guilty of viewing this in a different way that is not necessarily correct!

A rant would be unnecessary. But it is never justified to use physical violence against anyone.
Trying to rate it on some sort of scale just allows someone to stick in a lever and say it's OK if ....

Yes I think because my daughter is very unlikely to retaliate if a boy hits her, whereas I think my sons probably would have!

The boys parents are aware and she's unfortunately not the only victim

There may be only slight differences in size or weight but boys should be taught not to hit girls. I'm getting totally pissed of with all this bias towards boys and girls being the same.

I think you are being old fashioned too. I don't agree that it's worse for a boy/man to hit a girl/woman, especially when the boy and girl are 8! He's a child just as much as she is.

The teacher was right.

As a mother of a both boys and girls, it is unacceptable to hurt others end of story. I hate it when mother of girls come across as precious like you do here OP.

I can see why the teacher can't possibly say boys shouldn't hit girls. But I do think i would be much more horrified if my DS ever hit a girl than if he hit a boy. Maybe I'm just old fashioned too.

YANBU OP. I agree that they're only 8 and physical differences are not really relevant yet, but that is not the point.

My boys know and have known from an early age that it's wrong to hit women under any circumstances - it's a point of principle. Even if a girl hits you, it's not ok to retaliate.

That does not mean that you think it's ok for girls to get away with hitting people, or for boys to hit each other either.