To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

The teacher is right.
If she were to start teaching that it is 'more wrong' to hit a boy than a girl, then it does imply that hitting a boy is somehow more acceptable. Which is not true - it's not acceptable to hit anyone, boy or girl.
I'm sorry your DD was hurt, hope she's OK now.

Yes I think because my daughter is very unlikely to retaliate if a boy hits her, whereas I think my sons probably would have!

Yes, because you have the view that it's not really that bad for boys to hit boys, and your children have learnt it.

If you had the view that it's not okay to hit, then both of them would be equally as likely - hopefully not very!

Children should be taught not to hit anyone. Are people really saying that it's less serious if a girl hits a boy? what if a boy hits back?

Teacher is right.

I totally see where your coming from OP but at this age its not really relevant as others have said as they're not that physically different yet.
Teacher shouldn't have ranted, probably at the end of their tether with the boy.
Hope your dd is ok.

It's unacceptable to hit anyone and particularly unacceptable to hit someone smaller or weaker than you under any circumstances.

That covers both povs, surely?

It really depends on the age of the children.

If the child doing the hitting is 5 or 15! 5 year olds...well it makes no difference. 15 year olds...it's a different situation.

I've a DD and a DS and I've gone with hitting anyone is wrong, but hitting someone smaller than you is totally unacceptable.

In time as my son gets bigger than most women he knows this will become you shouldn't hit anyone but especially that men should never hit women (because they are generally smaller).

The teacher is right and I've a daughter who was in the same position as yours when she was 7. I'll be honest I was raging that my child had been hurt at school - didn't even occur to me that my reaction would have been different if it had have been a girl that hit my daughter. I hope your daughter is ok, it's a bit if a jolt when you sent them to school and they come back hurt.

It's not old fashioned. Of course violence from both sexes is wrong but we still live in a world where violence against women, domestic violence is largely men hitting women. Thereby we do need to acknowledge this fact and bring up this issue with our sons, that violence towards girlfriends etc is totally unnacceptable.

Actually, come to think of it there was an incident at my DS' prep in Year 5, when a boy and a girl were play-fighting (pretending to trip each other up). The girl fell and broke her wrist.
The next morning the head called all the boys in the year and told them in no uncertain terms that it is never ok to hurt girls because girls and boys are physically different and you have to be extremely careful when playfighting and take responsibility for you actions. I felt quite sorry for the boy involved as he wouldn't have done it intentionally. However, I think the message the head gave was the right one and there I should nothing wrong with having certain values on life.

I have girls but if I had boys I'm not sure I'd tell them NEVER to hit a girl.

What if the girl was a grown woman and had a knife?

At that age it makes not difference at all. I fought back a boy hitting me when I was 12 and won.
The teacher was right
YABU

I know I tell my dd that it's absolutely unacceptable to hit ds (5 year gap) whatever happens because he js so much smaller.

This hopefully has the upside of reinforcing that someone bigger should never hit her and she should never accept it, although of course I've said this explicitly as well.

I do think *walking dead has a point though!"

yanbu

Hitting anyone is wrong and at age 8 the physical differences haven't emerged but yes imo in general it's far worse for a male to hit a female. Typically they are bigger and stronger and inflict more damage than the other way round.

2 men don't die every week due to female violence.

The teacher was right. The boy shouldent be hitting anyone. I certainly wouldent be happy if my son got hit when he starts school the same as my daughter. I remember boys having physical fights when I was school and it being labelled boys will be boys and that boys just solve things with fists and it is so wrong. Violence is not right and children need to be taught how to properly solve an issue boy or girl.

Teacher was right.

At my ds primary, the biggest bully was a girl. All sweetness and light to the teachers but complete nasty bully to other kids.

Violence is wrong for every one

I think you were wrong. Simply - don't hit anyone, eve, is perfectly adequate.

I dont think an 8yr old needs a lecture in adult abusive relationships. And anyway there are plenty women who abuse men as well.

Telling them that its not ok to just hit girls is giving a very clouded message, he could think that its ok to hit boys instead.

Keep your hands and feet to yourself, hitting anyone is wrong, is all he needs to know for now.

The teacher was right, although no need to rant. It sounds very upsetting though, your poor dd.

The teacher is right. No one has the right to hit anyone. End of. Being or a boy or a girl or a space alien doesn't come into it.

I agree with the teacher, though ranting hardly gives her the moral high ground.

Nobody should hit anybody, period. The problem with having rules/guidance like "boys don't hit girls" or "only bullies hit people smaller than themselves" is that it just confuses the message. "Boys don't hit girls" leads to the child thinking "so it's OK for boys to hit boys then?" Being told it's wrong to hit someone smaller than you could be seen as implying it's not that bad to hit someone the same size or bigger.

There may be only slight differences in size or weight but boys should be taught not to hit girls.

I'm actually teaching my boys not to hit anyone. It would be a hell of a lot easier to do that if so many other aspects of our culture weren't sending the message that it's more acceptable for boys to hit other boys than girls. It's a slippery slope once you start putting qualifiers on it and imposing a hierarchy.

I hate that my boys are growing up in this culture of toxic, violent masculinity. It's my job to help them resist it because that's better for everyone.

The teacher is right. The dynamic might be different if they were teenagers but at eight years old, whether it's a boy or a girl makes no difference. It is wrong for a child of either sex to hit another child of either sex in anything other than self-defence.

You may well be right when you say your sons would have hit back but your daughter wouldn't, but that doesn't mean it's a boy/girl thing. Plenty of girls would fight back too (and plenty of boys wouldn't). It's also possible that your own views on girls/boys and violence have conditioned your kids' responses somewhat.