To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

I think men are more likely to be the victims of (stranger) violence is a red herring.

Men are much much more likely to assault, murder and rape other women than women are likely to assault, murder or sexually assault men. Because of socialastion that is based on biological differences to oppress women. This socialisation needs addressed if a boy hits a girl (and like I said I'm not sold the message is don't be violent but especially not to girls-but school needs to address the pervasive messages that are handed down to us about sex role stereotypes).

That males are violent to each other needs addressing too, but that's the responsibility of men and has no bearing on how much more likely women are to be victims of men than men are to be victims of women. As this was a boys violence to a girl in this case then that's what need addressed. It's not a case of 'oh boys normally hit boys so we will use the case of a girl being hit to teach boys not to hit boys'.

No one hits anyone. It isn't worse to hit a girl, it is as bad.

Perhaps I am fortunate only to have been punched once. At school, unprovoked - by a girl.

These discussions are always hilarious. They always fill up with people saying that violence is always wrong and that it is not acceptable for women to hit men, etc...which is true but nobody ever actually says that violence is okay or that it's fine for women to hit men.

What people do say however is that a man hitting a woman is worse because of the power imbalance. For some reason however people read that as saying it's okay for women to hit men or for men to go around solving problems with their fists when nobody said such bloody thing.

I've been having a think about what pp have said about hitting back.

I've taught my DC that once you raise your fists (or feet) you've lost the moral high ground. So whatever they did to you first will be punished less than the punch.

In my view if you punch back that turns a bullying incident into just a scuffle between two kids and they will both be punished if caught.

Hitting back just lessens the seriousness of the incident in the eyes of authority.

There are all sorts of other ways to deal with the situation. We teach them to avoid or diffuse the situation or handle it verbally just as we would in adult life.

Not everything has to have a deeper meaning and needs to be analysed. Sometimes people say things and mean nothing more than what they've said. So if someone says it's worse for a man to hit a woman then the other way round then they mean nothing more than that. People don't have to constantly look for deeper meanings behind the words. Life is not a GCSE English lesson.

My boys know and have known from an early age that it's wrong to hit women under any circumstances - it's a point of principle. Even if a girl hits you, it's not ok to retaliate.

And what if a boy hits a another boy - is it OK to retaliate then?

^than the other way round

It's a tricky one for sure. It as a survivor of extreme DV I do incorporate a clear message to my children of both genders, that a man hitting a woman is unacceptable. As well of course that any violence is wrong.
I had my skull fractured and eardrum perforated by my ex partners bare hands, I don't think I could have done the same to him.

These discussions are always hilarious. They always fill up with people saying that violence is always wrong and that it is not acceptable for women to hit men, etc...which is true but nobody ever actually says that violence is okay or that it's fine for women to hit men.

So why the need to qualify the statement with a variable. By posters saying it is worse it does sound like a minimisation of violence if a woman attacks a man, this whole thread started on the premise a boy hitting a girl is different.

The power balance in a primary school playground is not always in favour of the boys iME

Ferretsarefeminists

I don't think you understood my post.

Men can be victims of domestic violence as much as women can

No they can't.

Where do people get this shit?

Eh? Yes, men can be victims of domestic abuse! Where do people get "this shit" that they can't?

In terms of violent crime, the ONS report from 2017 shows clearly that men are more likely to be a victim of violence, but also notes that the pattern is different for domestic abuse and sexual assault.

Oh, and the teacher was right. It is enough to say that violence against another person is not acceptable. There's no need to turn girls into helpless little things that need extra special protection.

By posters saying it is worse it does sound like a minimisation of violence if a woman attacks a man

Only if you want to read it that way.

Yes, men can be victims of domestic abuse!

I never said they couldn't.

Only if you want to read it that way.

It's quite obvious.

If the boy is known for hitting out at others then the school will trying to teach him not to hit at all.
My son wouldn't distinguish but he has severe learning difficulties.

Don't hit anyone, but esp nobody smaller than you. There ya go.

This is exactly my point however.

Someone claims that men are just as likely to be the victims of domestic abuse as women are. I object to this blatantly untrue claim and ask them where they get this shit from.

For some reason however someone comes along and takes me saying that men are not as likely to be the victim of DV as women are as being the same thing as saying that men cannot be victims.

If this boy is known for hitting others he should be placed at the back of all the queues until he can learn to behave like a human being and not an aggressive little shit!

I agree with you OP. Also the great posts from Walkingdead11 and streetface.

Ariadne- you ask "if a boy hits another boy, is it ok to retaliate then?"

I would say it depends on the circumstances really, prefeteably not, of course. But the way men respond to other men is different, quite often.

Call me old fashioned, but I just don't buy the idea that just because females can potentially whack a man it's ok for him to whack her back. Most men would restrain a woman in those circumstances, not give as good as he gets. Or am I on a different planet?

Teacher is right you are wrong. It is wrong to hit people. Regardless of their gender or sex.

I would say the teacher is right. By saying it's unacceptable to hit a girl, it's sort of insinuating that it's ok for the boy to punch another boy. Violence isn't acceptable full stop.

When DS1 was 16, he was sitting by himself at a bus stop. Two girls broke off from a large group, and approached him. Before he knew what was happening, one swung her arm and whacked him full force in the face. She broke his nose and blacked both his eyes. He fell to the floor and she kicked him. She was 15, he had never seen her before. He was in no fit state to retaliate, but I would absolutely have supported him if he'd managed to hit her back.

No YABU.

It is wrong to use violence on anyone, irrespective of age or sex. It is not different at all if the aggressor is a girl.

A girl bit my son's finger at school. My son was three. But it's less of an assault on him because he's a boy? That's what you are effectively saying!

at 8 years old, teacher is right. It makes no difference what sex the child is that punches the other