To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

It is nothing to do with precious sons. Is it OK if a girl hits your daughter? Is it OK if your son is hit by another boy? It is taking nothing away from protecting girls to say "No hitting"

My DD was bullied by girls, hit with fists and sticks. I would have been no angrier if it had been boys, in fact it would have been impossible for me to be angrier.

No excuse for precious daughters?

Mistress Yes precious sons. And? Parents are allowed to be protective and defensive towards their daughters so yes we should be allowed to be the same towards our sons. If a girl was to hit a boy do you really think the parents of that boy wont be angry about it. I definitely would be, even more so if it was a girl who did it.

You'd be more angry if a girl hit your son?

Yes. Because of the attitudes from society that boys should take it like a man/ it's not as bad if a girl hits a boy/people won't be shocked because she's a girl and he's a boy/people will probably laugh about it. So yes, I would be very angry if a girl hit a boy (I'm not talking about self defence), because you want us to drum it in to boys not to especially not hit girls, so when a girl is the one doing the hitting it's very frustrating.

Here's another analogy.

You may tell your children that swearing is rude and they should not swear. However, we all know that a lot of adults grow up into people who occasionally (or sometimes often) swear. In fact, swearing serves a purpose. or a variety of purposes. I swear. I use it to do very particular things in very particular contexts.

While I don't really want my children effing and blinding at all (certainly as children) I will make sure that they know NEVER to swear at waiters or shop staff. It's unforgiveable. Because the form of their employment means that there is a power imbalance and they can NEVER swear back.

This is why males hitting women is completely different. There is no way a female can just decide one day, that all things considered, all bets are off, and this time she's just going to sock him one back. That option is just not on the table, and it's just not he same.

Just to say however, in expansion of that analogy, the fact that waiters are put in this position does not make them in any way not my equal, or not worthy of respect as people. It is exactly BECAUSE they are people equal to me that I can't put them in a position where I am swearing at them and they can't swear back (no matter how annoyed I am or how annoying they are being)

Grinch When they are children and are all the same size and build, they are able to give as good as they get. Mistress' daughter punched a boy back and more. What does that tell you?

When my son was smacked in the face by a girl, who broke his nose and blacked both his eyes 'for a laugh' , I was angry.
I wasn't more or less angry than I would have been if a boy had done it.

I am in no way minimising violence against women, but yes, we are also allowed to be angry when someone ( even female) hurts our 'precious' sons.

But TheSultan, no one has ever said anything about girls hitting anyone being ok. Where did that come from?

LongWavy, this is completely irrelevant

To be clear, my views on this have nothing to do with girls and women, what they do, what they are like, their potential for violence or otherwise. It has EVERYTHING to do with what men are like, and what they do

You are talking about men. I'm talking about boys. Little boys who are no where the size of grown men, but are the same size and have the same strength as girls. That's why I simply don't agree that it's worse for a boy to hit a girl than the other way around. Boys are being viewed too much like they are men.
When the size differences start appearing when they are older, that's when to make them aware.

"Boys are being viewed too much like they are men. " like being disproportionately deferred to, encouraged, indulged for boisterous and violent behaviour, let off the hook for tidiness, caring and other considerate behaviour.... it's all true, boys and girls are treated completely differently and mostly to their advantage in terms of confidence and a sense of entitlement. This is just one small corrective to that.

Men don't suddenly wake up when they are 18, able to drink and vote, and overnight start leaving housework to women, talking more loudly and for longer in meetings, assuming they can eat everything in sight and - pushing people around. they have been socialised to turn into this their whole lives

Since when have boys been let off the hook for not being tidy, caring or being considerate? And when are they encouraged to be boisterous and violent? Is this really the way you view parenting of boys? Gosh, how depressing.
I don't like the whole "boys will be boys mantra".

While I don't really want my children effing and blinding at all (certainly as children) I will make sure that they know NEVER to swear at waiters or shop staff. It's unforgiveable. Because the form of their employment means that there is a power imbalance and they can NEVER swear back.

I'm confused by the reference to this as an analogy. Is the relationship between girls and boys really analogous to that of waiters/servers and customers?

But TheSultan, no one has ever said anything about girls hitting anyone being ok.

People have said they don't see it as as bad

But TheSultan, no one has ever said anything about girls hitting anyone being ok If hitting girls is worse then by default hitting boys isn't as bad, you don't actually have to say it as it is impossible for one to be more serious without the other being less serious. So no one said it is OK but they are very definitely saying it isn't as bad/serious. Some of us don't agree as some boys are smaller than some girls, some boys are more timid than some girls but you know what even if a boy is smaller than a girl he shouldn't hit her but the exact same rule should apply to girls.

Can't believe this thread is still alive although it appears to have morphed into a rant about male violence towards women.

What this small boy did was wrong and unacceptable. It would be no less wrong if his victim had been another boy. The teacher handled it perfectly correctly.

ALL children must be taught that violence is wrong and there are better, kinder ways to settle a dispute. ALL children should be taught that bullying, picking on, excluding, and making fun of another child is also an act of violence and no less serious than hitting someone.

Anyone who has worked for any length of time in an all girl's school will tell you that this low level aggression between groups of girls occurs regularly. Anyone who has worked in an all female environment will tell you of the back stabbing, bullying and intimidation that goes on.

Let's stop pretending this is a male only problem because it most certainly isn't. Sadly, some are bullies. In my experience they can equally be women/girls as opposed to men/boys.

Voiceforreason, a very appropriate user name.

Voiceforreason

Of course everything you've said can be the case......however, ignoring male on female violence in dv and ignoring female death is incomparable to your examples.

A boy hitting a girl is not comparable to a man hitting a woman, but people seem to think it's the same thing. It's really not.

AntiGrinch I was commenting on the post made by Silverbell64, stating that somehow it wasn't as bad for a female to hit a male.

"Is the relationship between girls and boys really analogous to that of waiters/servers and customers?"

It is, in the very specific sense that there are courses of action open to one party that are not open to the other.

"Since when have boys been let off the hook for not being tidy, caring or being considerate? And when are they encouraged to be boisterous and violent? Is this really the way you view parenting of boys?"

Since for ever. Girls and boys are socialised differently. this is very easy to read up on.

" Gosh, how depressing. "

I know, right?

Women hit men too
A boy hitting a girl is the same as a girl hitting a girl

All the usual excuses for male on female violence in a world where stalking isn't taken seriously and female victims end up dead, male on female violence resulting in death often has the insinuation that man 'snapped after years of'...whatever

MN Relationships board full of male on female violence situations.

& yet enablers will still say girls and boys are the SAME. When they know their precious boys will grow into men

I can recall post on here where a girl was hit by her 16 year old brother and OP couldn't grasp that this was wrong and of course her DD would have a sullen 'attitude' regarding it not being addressed in family.

The poster who mentioned my DD hitting back - yes she hit the boy back even though she was afraid - because he had hit her before and hurt her. In early 20s now she is only 5ft tall, at that time she was 8 years old so that tells you she wasn't a big child. & that boy certainly was much bigger than her. & he never hit boys.

SInce ASC gave her a dressing down (for hitting back) and he was present, whats the message to him then?

Ridiculous how there are so many excuses for male violence and it starts from a young age. Always the default that its 'not ok to hit anyone'. Stupid statement - we all know that already. Convenient for male violence apologists as it is.

It is, in the very specific sense that there are courses of action open to one party that are not open to the other.

That's very specious reasoning. It's one thing to argue whether girls hitting boys is worse or better, but to say it can't ever happen is pretty dubious.

Yeah because we teach our sons to be lazy, violent, disrespectful because it's cool to bring boys up like that isn't it

Or, actually. No we don't. And what is depressing is your warped assumptions.

preparing to be flamed too but

It doesn't matter if it's a boy hitting a girl, boy hitting a boy, girl hitting a boy or girl hitting a girl. It's unacceptable

However if anyone punched my girl or boy in the face I'd tell them to floor them!

Yes that includes a girl hitting my son. Punching in the face? Unacceptable

Ps I have 2 daughters and a son