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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL Just being awkward

413 replies

hillsideboy · 08/09/2017 10:52

My SIL booked a place for my FILs birthday that is coming up soon. She spoke to my DH about it who failed to mention it to me until nearer the time. He didn't agree nor disagree to anything just said to her "you sort it out sure" as he is very busy working 6days a wk and doing 14hr days nearly everyday!!
After finding out about it I checked our calendar as the date rang a bell and yep we've already got plans that night that we cannot rearrange.
I messaged her to explain the situation and said to her to let me know if she can rearrange the meal.. She is now calling me disrespectful and selfish because we had plans already made and can't change them yet the meal can easily be moved to the next day as I've checked with the place already.
Think she has just gotten the hump cause I said to her well ya know if you'd just checked with me first I'd have told that date didn't suit there and then and we'd have avoided all this hassle.

Aibu or is she?

OP posts:
TobleroneBoo · 08/09/2017 11:26

Well I still stand by what I said to her as this isn't the first time she's asked DH about dates or times for me to to say no that doesn't suit.. you'd think she'd get it after a while to at least double check even with me...

Surely this is DH and SIL's father? It should be for them to sort.

I wouldnt be impressed if my SIL expected me to double check with her, after I spoke to my brother and he told me to sort it - especially for our own dad...

TheDowagerCuntess · 08/09/2017 11:26

Like is it really that hard for your DH to provide an accurate answer - even if he does have to check with mummy you before answering?!

EsmeeMerlin · 08/09/2017 11:26

Do you always baby your dh? He should be able to make plans with his family if they ask him. He is not a child. Why should they leave him out of it when he is a bloody adult able to say yes or no to a date.

Donttouchthethings · 08/09/2017 11:26

Your dh sounds like my dp so I completely get what you're saying. My in-laws also insist on dealing with him and don't seem to believe that he is incapable of keeping or checking a diary or even remembering to tell me about things. They then blame me when it goes tits up, which, of course, it does. You can't change people. Stay calm.

Bibidy · 08/09/2017 11:27

OP are you sure your DH didn't just not register that she'd mentioned the date, rather than her not doing it?

I think if anyone was planning a meal for 6 for a special occasion they'd definitely make sure the date was OK for everyone before booking anything. I doubt she'd be annoyed if she actually hadn't mentioned the date as obviously it's totally reasonable that you may already have plans.

grannytomine · 08/09/2017 11:27

No point going on about what the husband should have done because he didn't. The SIL is being unreasonable as it can easily be rearranged.

Shakeynf · 08/09/2017 11:27

Just don't go. If it was that easy to rearrange I'm sure it would have been done.
And yes it's your dh's fault.

Gorgosparta · 08/09/2017 11:27

Think she has just gotten the hump cause I said to her well ya know if you'd just checked with me first

Is he not adult?

I work fulltime. About 13 hours a day. I can still check a calandar. Most people can check a calender and work

He told her to sort it. She did.

I would fucking piss myself laughing it my sil told me i should only contact her when making plans.

Your husband needs to grow up.

FiveShelties · 08/09/2017 11:27

Like is it really that hard to just mgs me and leave him out of it.!?

Very good, you got me there - I thought you were seriously blaming your SIL! Grin

maras2 · 08/09/2017 11:27

op .............. AIBU
mumsnetters ................ yes
op ............... no I'm not.
Same old,same old. Grin

Nuttynoo · 08/09/2017 11:28

If this was the first time this had happened it would be fine. I'd give DH an earful but get over it but it's every flipping time!!!! MIL is the exact same trying to make plans with the Boys then we always have to rearrange cause there is football,ice hockey, friends birthday partys etc that they've already got plans for..

Family trumps ALL of those things. I bet you cancel stuff to spend time with your family so why should DP's family see them less. Stop being selfish and just cancel your plans this once.

TheDowagerCuntess · 08/09/2017 11:28

No point going on about what the husband should have done because he didn't. The SIL is being unreasonable as it can easily be rearranged.

There's some spectacular logic for you.

OuaisMaisBon · 08/09/2017 11:28

It won't work on this occasion, but I think you should just tell SIL that you're the social secretary in your couple and from now on, if she wants to arrange anything for your DH and you to join in, to kindly run it by you first as your DH can't be bothered is too busy to sort these things out by himself.

lazyarse123 · 08/09/2017 11:29

Good grief, yes your husband should have checked but big deal he forgot. It hardly takes big organisational skills to plan a restaurant meal for 6 adults. It's easy to change the booking she's just being arsey. I agree with you op.

grannytomine · 08/09/2017 11:30

The OP is an adult, why does anyone think she should have her life organised by her husband. If SIL wants her to attend she should ask her. My husband doesn't plan my life.

TheWeeWitch · 08/09/2017 11:30

So just because your DH has a job (like most people do Hmm) he is absolved from all responsibility in this little shitstorm? YABVU, and so is your SIL. It's clearly his fault for being so vague with both of you.

diddl · 08/09/2017 11:32

"MIL is the exact same trying to make plans with the Boys then we always have to rearrange cause there is football,ice hockey, friends birthday partys etc that they've already got plans for.. "

Why do you make plans with her when there already plans in place?Confused

Why didn't your husband phone his sister & apologise for making as mistake & ask if anything could be done?

Gizlotsmum · 08/09/2017 11:32

So 4 other people's plans should change because 2 can't make it? Or are the kids involved too? Maybe POLITELY point out that to avoid this happening in the future they would be better talking to you rather than your DH.

KatharinaRosalie · 08/09/2017 11:32

this isn't the first time she's asked DH about dates or times for me to to say no that doesn't suit.. you'd think she'd get it after a while

You'd think HE would get it after a while and checked with you first before committing?

Why do so many women treat their husbands like they are toddlers? Poor thing uncapable of checking the calendar? But somehow manages to get to work, remember when he's working 5 days and when 6? So he does know how it works.

I'd be extremely bemused if SIL called me instead of DH to discuss FILs party planning. Just like my sister would not call my DH to discuss our dad.

MummytoCSJH · 08/09/2017 11:33

am I being unreasonable?

yes, you are

no I'm not!!!!

gamerwidow · 08/09/2017 11:33

It sound like you don't like your SIL to be honest. Of course your DH could have checked a calendar or even if he couldn't he could have said to you 'can you sort out dates with SIL'.
I wouldn't want to move everything either to accommodate you.

Enko · 08/09/2017 11:34

Op I do get your frustration here as you feel your SIL should know how your DH is.

However thing is in this case she for what ever reason didnt remember this. So from her point of view it looks like she checked and now is being told off for checking.

So I would suggest you drop her over some flowers and say to her your sorry this got all messed up and you know she put a lot of effort into this. Ask her outright to not ask your dh so stuff like this wont happen.. Then offer to change the date and sort it with everyone else (step back if she says no she will do so) Then move on.

Life is to short for us to get worked up over small issues and this really is a small issue.

JudasInTheTescoVan · 08/09/2017 11:34

Assuming you both have smartphones get a calendar app on them and keep it up to date then either of you can check free dates straight away.

EsmeeMerlin · 08/09/2017 11:34

You know the restaurant can change the date but that does not mean sil can make the Sunday so her not wanting to change it may not be her being difficult.

UnicornSparkles1 · 08/09/2017 11:34

Your husband has caused this whole problem and now you're acting like the Queen by assuming everyone should change their plans to suit you. YABVU.

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