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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL Just being awkward

413 replies

hillsideboy · 08/09/2017 10:52

My SIL booked a place for my FILs birthday that is coming up soon. She spoke to my DH about it who failed to mention it to me until nearer the time. He didn't agree nor disagree to anything just said to her "you sort it out sure" as he is very busy working 6days a wk and doing 14hr days nearly everyday!!
After finding out about it I checked our calendar as the date rang a bell and yep we've already got plans that night that we cannot rearrange.
I messaged her to explain the situation and said to her to let me know if she can rearrange the meal.. She is now calling me disrespectful and selfish because we had plans already made and can't change them yet the meal can easily be moved to the next day as I've checked with the place already.
Think she has just gotten the hump cause I said to her well ya know if you'd just checked with me first I'd have told that date didn't suit there and then and we'd have avoided all this hassle.

Aibu or is she?

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 09/09/2017 12:33

Hers and dhs lack of communication caused this.

No, it really didn't. You're still trying to pass the buck. It was entirely your DHs lack of communication.

BananaSandwichesEveryDay · 09/09/2017 12:35

*your DH screwed up.

m0therofdragons · 09/09/2017 13:23

My dh works long hours but is still capable of looking at the diary (we synchronised our calendars). I'm not his fucking PA. sil sounds lovely to have done all the organising and you sound a total self centred pain. She could have checked with you but as dh told her to organise then she did. Birthday may be Friday but makes sense to go for Saturday for family event. Yabu to expect her to move it when she organised, surely she picks the date that suits her?

Anyway, you clearly think you're right so not sure why you bothered asking.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/09/2017 13:37

Well done, you bully your MiL and by proxy your SiL and make the whole thing all about you.

With bonus points that you reinforce to the family that possession of a penis results in limited brain capacity and being a SAHM means someone has nothing better to do than organise life around you.

You must be very proud.

CurryInAHurry · 09/09/2017 13:51

OP: THANK your SIL and MIL for changing the arrangements.

Say 'I'm sorry, I know this was because DH was so vague and hopeless' , laugh about it, congratulate them on their organisation and get on and add the kind of atmosphere and family vibe that your FIL deserves for his birthday.

Stop whinging and moaning about other people and bigging up your own issues with how busy you are.

This is not the time or the occasion to bear a grudge, keep the resentment going or harbour such nasty comments about members of your DH's family.

Even if you think you are right.

It isn't good behaviour.

Strictly1 · 09/09/2017 13:54

AIBU? Yes you ABU from nearly everyone.
SIL is a control freak yet you rejoice when you get your own way.
Well done you!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 09/09/2017 14:00

Oh good grief. Your poor SIL.

CastIronCookware · 09/09/2017 14:17

Yes MIL is aware that her son doesn't always pass on mgs. Which would make more sense to ask me..

If your MIL is now advising your SIL to talk to you in future, despite having made the mistake of trying to organise things with her flaky son herself in the past - then maybe it's because she's embarrassed about what a crap job she's done as a mother.

Your DH is either lazy and dumps his life organisation onto you, sexist if he thinks that's your role in life or spineless because he won't stand up to you being dominant in the marriage.

Whatever it is it certainly isn't your SIL fault!

Balaboosteh · 09/09/2017 14:27

See this is what I love about MN. Somewhere among all the voices is a very strong sense of how to behave considerately, with awareness and in a way that makes people and relationships stronger. It has taught me so much over the years. You can choose to absorb this message OP or you can continue crashing around your life, bumping up against other people and giving yourself and others a load of grief.

ilovegin112 · 09/09/2017 14:52

I would think if this update has gone down like op is saying it has that in fact mil has said to sil to change date then we needn't have anything to do with them again, your sil will be on aibu in the next few days with a post saying should my parents and myself go no contact with my control freak of a sister in law

you actually come across as being very nasty and spiteful op, I hope life doesn't choke you on the way

GreenTulips · 09/09/2017 15:01

But her continued lack of communication after knowing it needed sorted out made it worse...

No, you pushing made it worse!

You should've told your DH to ring her to apologize for the mix up, and explain why you can't make it.

If she then decided to change the date that would've been up to them, but you steam rolleredbin woth your importance and annoyed everyone

You aren't winning, you are very much losing

puddleduckmummy · 09/09/2017 17:30

My husband is also a lorry driver working long hours and currently doing lots of overtime. Remarkably, he remains capable of checking a calendar and making arrangements.

You sound determined to blame your SIL for whatever reason. I'm not sure why you expect everyone else to change plans because your DH didn't check the calendar. It is frustrating when plans clash but perhaps in future you need to say that any arrangements need to be made with you and not your DH

grannytomine · 09/09/2017 17:44

So when this woman rang her brother about their parents birthday and he said "Yeah, whatevs" she was supposed to know that wasn't agreement? Or maybe he thought she would book it on the actual birthday and was expecting her to do it on the Saturday.

FrancisCrawford · 09/09/2017 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sayyouwill · 09/09/2017 18:16

Christ imagine if she booked it for the Friday when op was at WORK?!

WeAllHaveWings · 09/09/2017 18:16

You don't like your SIL (or your MIL by the sound of it). I know I wouldn't phone my SIL from hell if I was making arrangements for my parents/family, I'd phone my db who is a capable adult who is perfectly able to check and communicate a date.

Your relationship with your SIL/MIL causes the communication issue, which is fair enough as families, especially in-laws aren't always close or don't always get on. But your DH's incompetence and shocking lack of awareness of this repeated issue has exacerbated it into a crisis again.

This is all your DH's fault but you and your SIL enjoy picking fault with each other more and your DH gets off almost scot-free.

gotthemoononastick · 09/09/2017 18:37

The utter effrontery of contacting the venue to'catch out 'the sil in a lie though!!!

Poor old Mil,running to make it all OK.

Indeed,a really unpleasant outcome for all.

MrsSpenno · 09/09/2017 18:42

Seems like your hubby is not the only toddler here, OP. I can almost hear the stamping of your feet until you got what you wanted.

Your SAHM comments were lame and showed that you ARE jealous of your SIL. Your FIL's birthday is the same each year so quit the BS about not knowing which date. It was clearly going to be on the weekend closest to his birthday so you knew in April when you booked your ticket thingy. Does your DH not know his Dad's birthday....?

Waw, Waw, Waw... AIBU? Yes....But I'm not .... excuse, excuse, excuse

Whilst you think you have won just have a think about the conversation your MIL and SIL really had...

MIL : DIL is moaning and making things difficult again
SIL : don't worry, Mum, I love you, and we'll flex our date and we can let her think she's won

Whoop, whoop, you won. How is it up there?

Groovee · 09/09/2017 18:46

You sound like my SIL. It's not pleasant to have to deal with. It's bloody uncomfortable. Sounds like you and her would get on fab!

MadMags · 09/09/2017 18:50

You're one of those nightmare SILs...

For her own sake, she should fuck you all off and have nothing more to do with it.

If her own mother is pandering to the whims of, frankly, an arsehole in-law, then she's not worth SIL's time either!

Gorgosparta · 09/09/2017 18:56

You sound like my SIL. It's not pleasant to have to deal with.

Mine too. Mum and dad pandered to her for a while. Not anymore though. Sad because it means mum and dad and us dont see my brother much.

But not much you can do when his wife has to cause problems all the time and try and assert her control all the time. Dbro is like ops husband. Complete child who exepcts everyone rlse to organise him because he is oh so important.

LondonLassInTheCountry · 09/09/2017 18:58

She checked with your husband, do basically checked with you.

Its now organised.I would be annoyed with u if i was ur SIL and would not change it

MissEliza · 09/09/2017 19:00

I see it's been changed but I can understand how you think you're being reasonable to have plans that can't be changed on the original date yet your SIL is being unreasonable for not wanting to change the plans she'd made?

user997799779977 · 09/09/2017 19:00

Wow check you out, OP. Bottom line is you sound deeply unpleasant and nasty. Well done you. Slow clap.

Bambamrubblesmum · 09/09/2017 19:12

I suspect they've talked and you've not come out of it looking very good either. You're probably the one whose actually labelled as the controlling one, you do realise that don't you.

Your jealousy shouts volumes in all your posts and if it's evident in here it will have certainly been spotted in RL.

I feel sorry for FIL tbh.