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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL Just being awkward

413 replies

hillsideboy · 08/09/2017 10:52

My SIL booked a place for my FILs birthday that is coming up soon. She spoke to my DH about it who failed to mention it to me until nearer the time. He didn't agree nor disagree to anything just said to her "you sort it out sure" as he is very busy working 6days a wk and doing 14hr days nearly everyday!!
After finding out about it I checked our calendar as the date rang a bell and yep we've already got plans that night that we cannot rearrange.
I messaged her to explain the situation and said to her to let me know if she can rearrange the meal.. She is now calling me disrespectful and selfish because we had plans already made and can't change them yet the meal can easily be moved to the next day as I've checked with the place already.
Think she has just gotten the hump cause I said to her well ya know if you'd just checked with me first I'd have told that date didn't suit there and then and we'd have avoided all this hassle.

Aibu or is she?

OP posts:
Original poster
hillsideboy · 08/09/2017 11:13

Well I still stand by what I said to her as this isn't the first time she's asked DH about dates or times for me to to say no that doesn't suit.. you'd think she'd get it after a while to at least double check even with me...

OP posts:
Witchend · 08/09/2017 11:14

He gave her the impression he would go with what she arranged.

However, if he is a lorry driver then he must be working considerably over hours, even assuming that he isn't driving all of it. If nothing else they must have 11 hours off in every 24, for a start off, and if he's working 14 hours 6 days a week he isn't doing that. And a full 45 hours in every fortnight.
You might like to get him to chat to his employers.

Allthebestnamesareused · 08/09/2017 11:14

She told him when she was going to do it - he said sort it out.

She wasn't unreasonable to arrange it for that date.

If the restaurant can change the booking then she probably is being a bit unreasonable not to change it or, at the least, let you change it unless she can't get childcare for the original date.

minoandolphin · 08/09/2017 11:14

Ah I see. Dh WORKS. And is therefore completely incapable of a cursory 2 second glance at a calendar or sending a text message.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 08/09/2017 11:15

Even if your DH has been working very long hours (6 days a week 14 hour days for a lorry driver is probably illegal btw)

^ this.

My DH works very long hours and still is capable if looking at a calender.

You were unnecessarily rude to your SIL.

FiveShelties · 08/09/2017 11:15

You are being completely unreasonable. Your husband agreed to this, left it to her to organise and now you are making fuss because she did just that.

thecatsthecats · 08/09/2017 11:16

So it's your SIL's job to do all family work, or yours, because your DH's work is SOOOOOO important and busy?

If you've agreed between each other that calendar work is your responsibility, then fine, but that's what he should have said to his sister. You are making your own arrangements her problem, and it's not on.

My boyfriend checks with me because I like arranging my calendar a particular way (and it allows me to fend off invites I'm not keen on). His family contact him, he refers to me then replies to them.

BertrandRussell · 08/09/2017 11:16

"Think she has just gotten the hump cause I said to her well ya know if you'd just checked with me first I'd have told that date didn't suit there and then and we'd have avoided all this hassle.

Aibu or is she?"
All three of you are. Sil for not moving the meal if it's easy to do, you for saying she should have checked with you when she had already checked with your dh, and your dh for being flakey.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 08/09/2017 11:17

Well I still stand by what I said to her as this isn't the first time she's asked DH about dates or times for me to to say no that doesn't suit.. you'd think she'd get it after a while to at least double check even with me...

How about you have a go at your DH rather than his sister who is checking with an adult. She shouldn't have to double check!

About time your DH took some responsibility tbf.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 08/09/2017 11:17

Sil for not moving the meal if it's easy to do

They may not be able to make that date.

Goldfishshoals · 08/09/2017 11:18

we are selfish and disrespectful!!

Well, yes. You are.

Sil shouldn't have to double check with you if she's asked your DH. DH shouldn't tell her it's fine for her to sort it if actually there are days you can't do. You are being very unreasonable to expect everyone else's plans to change because your husband is an idiot.

EsmeeMerlin · 08/09/2017 11:18

My dh works long hours, he can still manage to look at a calendar. She told your dh the date she was looking to book it, he said ok sort it. It is entirely your dh's fault for not looking at the calendar and telling his sister no that date does not work and for not mentioning it to you. Even if you are better for dates, if he told her that date was fine why would she then ask you.

Original poster
hillsideboy · 08/09/2017 11:19

6 days one week 5 the next. some days are 14 hr from working all day then travelling bk home..
😑

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 08/09/2017 11:20

Sorry she is not being unreasonable. She checked with an adult. That adult could have directed her to you or checked himself.

FiveShelties · 08/09/2017 11:20

Well I still stand by what I said to her as this isn't the first time she's asked DH about dates or times for me to to say no that doesn't suit.. you'd think she'd get it after a while to at least double check even with me...

So why bother asking 'AIBU' then?

BertrandRussell · 08/09/2017 11:20

"Well I still stand by what I said to her as this isn't the first time she's asked DH about dates or times for me to to say no that doesn't suit.. you'd think she'd get it after a while to at least double check even with me..."

Why should she? Is your dh 12?

gingerbreadmam · 08/09/2017 11:20

it sounds like you two clearly don't get on and as everyone else has said you dh said it was fine. I wouldn't go to my db's wife to double check if db had ok's something.

Am i the only one interested in what the none changeable plans are? Grin

MissingPanda · 08/09/2017 11:21

YABU and your DH is the one at fault here, he told your SIL to sort it out. If someone said that to me I'd assume they had no plans around that date, or they would have said I can't make x date but any other is fine, so could book any date within a couple of days of the birthday.

TheDowagerCuntess · 08/09/2017 11:22

Your SIL is being unreasonable.

For not remembering that your DH needs babying, and can't think for himself. 🙄

diddl · 08/09/2017 11:23

So she asked an adult if a date was OK & the adult said that it was but somehow you don't blame that adult??

Of course he agreed to the date when he told her to "sort it out".

You can't rearrange the plans that you already have & SIL can't rearrange the ones that she has made for her dad's bday.

Presumably your husband couldn't go alone to his dad's bday meal?

Looneytune253 · 08/09/2017 11:24

Tbh even after everything you've said, it's still your dhs fault. I would certainly not feel like changing it especially from a Saturday to a Sunday (when most people have work the next day).

Original poster
hillsideboy · 08/09/2017 11:24

If this was the first time this had happened it would be fine. I'd give DH an earful but get over it but it's every flipping time!!!! MIL is the exact same trying to make plans with the Boys then we always have to rearrange cause there is football,ice hockey, friends birthday partys etc that they've already got plans for..

Like is it really that hard to just mgs me and leave him out of it.!?

OP posts:
Goldfishshoals · 08/09/2017 11:24

this isn't the first time she's asked DH about dates or times for me to to say no that doesn't suit..

You'd think by now your DH would have learned to ask you, wouldn't you?

Poor you, married to such an pathetic incompetent moron. Did you know before married him?

Nuttynoo · 08/09/2017 11:24

She's not being unreasonable at all. Think of it from her point of you - she has confirmed things more than once with your DH (he brother) and then you've gone and said no we have plans. Sounds like you don't want to spend time with her or respect her while her brother does. I personally think you should cancel your plans and go. If I were your sil I'd think you were being a bitch and never invite you to anything again, she's better than me.

DressedCrab · 08/09/2017 11:25

YABU and very rude. It's your DH's fault and you sound like very hard work, I feel sorry for the rest of the family if this is how you are about everything.

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