SIL Just being awkward

[hillsideboy]

My SIL booked a place for my FILs birthday that is coming up soon. She spoke to my DH about it who failed to mention it to me until nearer the time. He didn't agree nor disagree to anything just said to her "you sort it out sure" as he is very busy working 6days a wk and doing 14hr days nearly everyday!!
After finding out about it I checked our calendar as the date rang a bell and yep we've already got plans that night that we cannot rearrange.
I messaged her to explain the situation and said to her to let me know if she can rearrange the meal.. She is now calling me disrespectful and selfish because we had plans already made and can't change them yet the meal can easily be moved to the next day as I've checked with the place already.
Think she has just gotten the hump cause I said to her well ya know if you'd just checked with me first I'd have told that date didn't suit there and then and we'd have avoided all this hassle.

Aibu or is she?

What a shame the date was changed to accommodate you and The Lorry Driver - think everyone else would have had a nicer time without you

I think this is going to be my new excuse for everything forever.

"Sorry, i can't, I'm a hotel manager."

"....I only asked you to tell me the time..."

"Er, my job is incredibly stressful, you can't expect me to do anything else ever outside of my work duties"

So let me try to understand this (and I still have a few pages to go still).

You have said that she's told you last minute and it's all her fault because she wasn't supposed to actually book anything and should have checked in, but you've only just asked her about what's happening...

How does that work exactly? I'd hope she booked something because, as you've said, it's soon and what, FIL should be let down by you as a group because youve only just checked in and your DH left it in her hands.

Also due to birthdays either side (unless I've read something wrong) maybe she wanted to put it there so you could celebrate DS's and DH's birthdays and have a bit of a breather whilst you arrange their bits.

And maybe she does throw events now since she's come back from being abroad, because maybe she missed people and had a rethink whilst away and decided 'hey I should perhaps make more of an effort and celebrate moments as a family'.

It's all speculation ofc! But if you really want to do something for FIL still and are busy then do a Sunday lunch or something. You've said that you have plans that are way more important than them anyway so comprise.

Ah I've caught up. I like the part about how she's run to her mummy yet a) you ran to her first b) yes, she is going to talk to her parents to try and jiggle things... I don't understand how you would like her to do this without talking to them Maybe she didn't just take your word for it

Good grief what a thread. I have a husband who works 7 days. My SIL books everything through me. If my husband said yes you sort it out she would certainly not conclude that the date was Ok. She knows her brother well. So it depends on the brother and on the sister. Op is the best person to judge. No big deal though, just meet FIL separately, shame about the fuss made by the sister. Sounds like she either doesn't know her brother that well or she is being awkward. If this happened to me and SIL we would both be apologising to each other.

Gorgosparta and others are right. You are really not a very nice person and DH sounds like a right waste of space who has no consideration for his sis or parents. Only interested in a wife who can wipe his ....because he's too busy saving the world by driving his lorry.

Your SIL should have doubled checked with you to confirm as sometimes things can slip our minds. To me it's the responsibility of the person hosting to confirm numbers etc which seems to be your sister in law and you both should have a word with brother/partner to prevent any future mishaps and go and enjoy the day.

I understand your position, but this is all really on your DH. He failed to get the info, or follow up on dates, and basically gave your SIL carte Blanche to organise the dinner. Never mentioned to you, or to your SIL your prior engagement. He should go to the dinner on the night, and you go do whatever it is you feel is not cancellable. Personally I'd go family first, but if this other thing is important to you, go.

I can't see SIL contacting you in the future to arrange things OP, I can see her arranging things with her parents and leaving it to you and your DH to arrange to see them separately if you want to.

I have a husband who works 7 days

So do I. He owns his own company. Funnily enough he can still manage to look at a calender and book family events.

I hope you go round to your SIL's house with a big bunch of flowers and apologise for the misunderstanding. Maybe ask if she needs any help organising a cake or anything.

You know, try and work like a family - ups and downs, but get over them, because it's about people you love.

And you know the old saying 'if you want a job done, ask a busy person'. We're all busy with life.

I think you're out of line here in expecting your SIL to rearrange the plans that she has spent time making. You've presumably had a bit of notice that it's your FIL's birthday and it wouldn't be unreasonable to think you'd have it on your calendar. I once arranged a party for my Dad - his 75th - and had to find a venue midway between the town that I and my parents live in and the place where my DB and his family live and one which would enable my DB to collect our elderly aunt on the way to the party. It took a shed load of organising and all because my DN who was 2 at the time could not possibly be expected to miss a Saturday morning football lesson, meaning that DA had to get public transport to meet up with them at the football venue (she was 79) and they were late. The children's menu wasn't 'good' enough so I had to negotiate for something else to be specially brought in and cooked just for DN, then on the day "oh he'll have sausage and mash off the menu" - by the end of it I was tearing my hair out. Think a little about your SIL who has been planning something special for her, and your DH's, Dad, and wonder whether you yourself aren't being a little bloody precious about it. And phoning the venue to find out if they can accommodate the party the next day is meddling, rude, pushy and bossy on your behalf. I'd be beside myself and very, very upset if I was your SIL. I think you owe her an apology. She's been trying to organise a party - which is like herding cats at the best of times - so be gracious about it, take a step back and be grateful she's taken the trouble to do something which your DH clearly couldn't be bothered to get involved in.

And fwiw, just because you can make the next day doesn't mean everyone has to change their plans, mundane as they may seem. Just because they don't have an invitation for that day doesn't make normal family life any less important.