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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL Just being awkward

413 replies

hillsideboy · 08/09/2017 10:52

My SIL booked a place for my FILs birthday that is coming up soon. She spoke to my DH about it who failed to mention it to me until nearer the time. He didn't agree nor disagree to anything just said to her "you sort it out sure" as he is very busy working 6days a wk and doing 14hr days nearly everyday!!
After finding out about it I checked our calendar as the date rang a bell and yep we've already got plans that night that we cannot rearrange.
I messaged her to explain the situation and said to her to let me know if she can rearrange the meal.. She is now calling me disrespectful and selfish because we had plans already made and can't change them yet the meal can easily be moved to the next day as I've checked with the place already.
Think she has just gotten the hump cause I said to her well ya know if you'd just checked with me first I'd have told that date didn't suit there and then and we'd have avoided all this hassle.

Aibu or is she?

OP posts:
Textpectation · 09/09/2017 11:57

YABU to infinity

I'm starting to think this cannot be real.

Gorgosparta · 09/09/2017 11:59

God you are not a nice person op.

You are causing so many issues in your husbands family. I can tell you from experience. It will blow up in your face.

Mittens1969 · 09/09/2017 12:01

There's clearly history between the 3 of you. But I would be naffed off in your SIL's shoes, with your DH. Why couldn't he just check a calendar or say, 'you'll need to ask DW.'

You're far too keen to let your DH off the hook. I'd be really annoyed with my DH if he'd made an arrangement like that without checking with me first.

I'd have left it to him to deal with the fallout as well.

buckeejit · 09/09/2017 12:03

Cup ofcake-love your summary!

Fenella-yabu, my job is better than your job doesn't excuse you from personal admin responsibilities no matter how you dress it up-it's a personality thing

OP, as Pictish said you've had a hard time but not done yourself any favours. Sil probably is a bit of a pain but you'd do better to sit down and sort out how you're going to handle this sort of thing in the future as she's here to stay so things will change. And your dh needs to be involved in that discussion. Really hope the pil know as little as possible about all this!

Original poster
hillsideboy · 09/09/2017 12:07

Yes MIL is aware that her son doesn't always pass on mgs. Which would make more sense to ask me..

Well if SIL had sorted it out between us they wouldn't have needed to know. But she went running to mummy to tell how awful it is I have plans I can't change yet everyone can do the day after so unfortunately they know all..

Hers and dhs lack of communication caused this. But her continued lack of communication after knowing it needed sorted out made it worse...

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 09/09/2017 12:08

I feel really sorry for sil. I bet it has been changed to keep the peace...I can imagine you are a very hard person to deal with op.. but hey at least you aren't too smug about it all 🙄

londonista · 09/09/2017 12:10

Gizlot ... 😂

Sayyouwill · 09/09/2017 12:15

What lack of communication from her?
The communicated with your DH, who is a grown man. Your DH is the one who has poor communication skills.

You're such a control freak. I'm pleased you've got your way. Your small victory over your SIL must make you feel like such a winner. Your horrible attitude will bite you on the arse one day, but at least you can always look back and remember the time your ruined your SILs plans to celebrate her own father's birthday.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/09/2017 12:17

Yup you keep on telling yourself the sun shines out of your poor communicator of a dh. After all he has a dick and drives a truck.

GinIsIn · 09/09/2017 12:18

Well that will be a lovely, sociable, companionable occasion now, won't it. Hmm

happypoobum · 09/09/2017 12:18
Grin
SIL Just being awkward
Beadieeye · 09/09/2017 12:19

I hope your SIL takes her dad out for a drink leaves the lot of you to talk amongst yourselves about how useless men are and how women must run around after them.
Notthatibelieveawordofyoursmugupdate.

Gorgosparta · 09/09/2017 12:20

I feel you maybe taking the piss.

I think that the mil has called ops dh and told him to bloody grow up and act like an adult. Not a small child. And that everyone would rather do the saturday.

She just wants to be right so posting a bollocks ending.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/09/2017 12:22

Hers and dhs lack of communication caused this

No your DH lack of communication did.

You seem to think he is some sort of saint that does no wrong.

This is his fuck up. No one else's. Certainly not SIL

FrancisCrawford · 09/09/2017 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDustyBusty · 09/09/2017 12:23

Well if SIL had sorted it out between us they wouldn't have needed to know.

That's not quite true, is it?

But she went running to mummy to tell how awful it is I have plans I can't change yet everyone can do the day after so unfortunately they know all..

Well, no. Your had already phoned them to make sure that they knew, because you tried to reorganise it behind her back.

Hers and dhs lack of communication caused this

You're husband caused it and you've made sure it's as unpleasant as possible, just out of spite.

You should think about why it's worth ruining a party for your pathetic point scoring.

GinIsIn · 09/09/2017 12:23

@buckeejit that is LITERALLY what I said too, so not sure how you conclude that IABU. Confused My point was that unless your job is an actual life or death emergency then nothing absolves you of personal responsibilities or life admin.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/09/2017 12:25

SIL was really dragging her heels there but was told by MIL to wise up and get over it as it makes more sense to go when everyone can attend and no one needs the hassle so in future to ask me.

Actually if I was your MIL I'd be telling you and your DH to grow up and stop behaving like spoilt children.

londonista · 09/09/2017 12:26

Fenella yes loads of fun eh?! Happy family time.

You ladies crack me up 😂 "he has a dick and drives a truck". Oh dear ... crying!

ADishBestEatenCold · 09/09/2017 12:26

"MIL has just mgs to say it has been changed to the date that does suit everyone 😂😂 "

Oh well, you win, date changed. You must be delighted!

"And not having all of us out together since we don't get along and it'll just be awkward."

and (because you told us) we already know that you won't get along, which will no doubt ruin the outing. So by winning and changing the date, you get to ruin it too! You must be doubly delighted!

londonista · 09/09/2017 12:27

Buckeejit yes think you might have misunderstood Fenellas point as it was the same as the one you made.

Sisinisawa · 09/09/2017 12:28

You're a deeply unpleasant person OP.
Your poor SIL.

ADishBestEatenCold · 09/09/2017 12:28

Well spotted, MrsDustyBusty.

sofato5miles · 09/09/2017 12:29

I am sure everyone is really look8ng forward to it

BananaSandwichesEveryDay · 09/09/2017 12:31

Wow! Poor SIL. She's gone to the effort of arranging something nice for her father, something which neither your dh nor you can be bothered to do because of WORK, and because your DC screwed up, you decide to piss on her chips. Lovely. If I was her, this would be the last time I would EVER arrange anything that you would be invited to. Not that I wouldn't arrange celebrations for my parents, but that you wouldn't be on the guest list.
The nastiness and resentfulness just shines out of your posts.

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