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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL Just being awkward

413 replies

hillsideboy · 08/09/2017 10:52

My SIL booked a place for my FILs birthday that is coming up soon. She spoke to my DH about it who failed to mention it to me until nearer the time. He didn't agree nor disagree to anything just said to her "you sort it out sure" as he is very busy working 6days a wk and doing 14hr days nearly everyday!!
After finding out about it I checked our calendar as the date rang a bell and yep we've already got plans that night that we cannot rearrange.
I messaged her to explain the situation and said to her to let me know if she can rearrange the meal.. She is now calling me disrespectful and selfish because we had plans already made and can't change them yet the meal can easily be moved to the next day as I've checked with the place already.
Think she has just gotten the hump cause I said to her well ya know if you'd just checked with me first I'd have told that date didn't suit there and then and we'd have avoided all this hassle.

Aibu or is she?

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 09/09/2017 11:02

And not just assume bcos we didnt help organise we are obv free the whole month.. then just land it on us last min.

She didn't; she assumed your DH was a competent adult, which has he proved he has not.

He is entirely at fault here.

FrancisCrawford · 09/09/2017 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 09/09/2017 11:04

Ach lay off OP now people. You're becoming disproportionate and nasty.

OP - It's just one of those things; same planet, different perspectives. She's got her view on this and you have yours. If sil continues to refuse to speak to anyone, she is bu for being huffy and childish.

In other news, your dh really ought to manage his own family arrangements. The contact is his department, particularly as you say you don't especially hit it off with your sil.
We are all busy...you have your own friends and family to attend to. By being shruggy and whatevery he is delegating this task to you. A lot of men do this though they are able to do it themselves. Your sil might well be a pain in the arse but on this occasion your dh fully handed the baton to her and checked out.

FrancisCrawford · 09/09/2017 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 09/09/2017 11:05

*which he has proved he is not.

Gorgosparta · 09/09/2017 11:07

I am too busy to be arranging things all the time. It was and is hassle that I could really do without. And wouldn't have had if shed only asked me if I was free in the first place.. Im not going to assume something suits her if her husband doesn't fully commit to an arrangement and just say 'whatever' cause he is busy!

You are oh so busy....but when plans did not revolve around you, you found time. Because you rang the restaurant and fil (which is what she did) instead of saying 'sorry fil we cant make it.'.

She spoke to your dh, he didnt speak to you.

He is the issue and so are you. You treat him like a child. You cant get your head round the fact that other people dont. He is so used to being treated like a child he assumed the women would sort it all out.

Its fucking ridiculous.

happypoobum · 09/09/2017 11:07

Given the premise that OPs DH is apparently incapable of remembering when members of his family have spoken to him to arrange dates, it seems entirely possible that SIL called him back the same/next day and said "Yeah, great I have arranged the meal for x date at 7pm".

Obviously that wouldn't be good enough for OP, because her poor befuddled DH wouldn't be expected to remember that and SIL should have spoken to her.

If she had, he wouldn't have queried it would he, because he didn't know/hadn't remembered about the Very Important Night Out that OP planned in April, so that's all a moot point. No matter what the SIL did, she was, as PP have pointed out - always going to come up against OPs need for total control/the DH inability to retain simple information and he's out there driving a big truck. YIKES!

Emilybrontescorsett · 09/09/2017 11:14

Your dh is in the wrong.

londonista · 09/09/2017 11:19

Agree with Pictish, 100%.

I've got 2 SIL, they're not perfect neither am I, but I deeply love and care for the men they married so I make the effort.

Can you OP? Best of luck in any case, hope you sort it out.

And in other news...
Just doing some homework, in french SIL literally translates as "beautiful sister". Not on MN she ain't!

happypoobum · 09/09/2017 11:21

No Emily the OP assures us he isn't.

He just cannot record information like the rest of us do - electronically on his phone, or by writing it on a calendar or in a diary, because he WORKS, or because his penis gets in the way...........

londonista · 09/09/2017 11:23

Happypoobum love your username 😂 that's what my son wanted to call our cat!

GreenTulips · 09/09/2017 11:24

Knowing it's FIL birthday and that you are booked on the Saturday, shouldn't you or your DH have informed SIL this information?

happypoobum · 09/09/2017 11:29

londonista That's hilarious!!!!

Sayyouwill · 09/09/2017 11:30

This thread is an absolute joke.

Why ask if YABU if you refuse to listen to any answer other than no?

Also, if you're sooooo busy, how did you have time to arrange your ticketed event/speak to SIL about FIL bday/ring restaurant and other guests to find out their availability/ring SIL to drop the bomb shell and be very active on this thread?

Also further down you whinged that she picked the Saturday even though FILs bday is on the Friday and she should have picked the day of his actual birthday.... how could she? You WORK as you keep saying. Her DH WORKS, your DH WORKS. Fridays aren't ideal for everyone where as Saturdays generally are!

BaconAndBees · 09/09/2017 11:34

high risk at falling off the taillift onto a passing by child/adult going to the shop he's delivering at.. or worse falling onto him. Did you seriously just write that OP?

You must be an absolute nightmare to have as a family member.

GinIsIn · 09/09/2017 11:37

FOR GOD'S SAKE, I am not "looking down" on anyone. There is nothing bloody wrong with being a lorry driver!!! There IS something wrong with OP treating it the same as him having control of the nuclear button or performing life saving surgery - my point is that his job should not absolve him of responsibility the way the OP seems to believe it should.

DonutCone · 09/09/2017 11:40

I just find it so odd you'd expect SIL to speak to you about her parents birthday.

I doubt it would ruin FIL's birthday of you weren't there, so she was checking if the person he would actually want to be there could come first. That's normal.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 09/09/2017 11:45

Shumpalumpa Hmm I was merely asking him to check that he wasn't completely incompetent and needed mothering when it came to making plans. Job done he's proved he is capable of independent thought. But I'm so glad it gave you the opportunity to be even ruder to me than you have been so far. Hope you feel better for it.

Therealslimshady1 · 09/09/2017 11:49

So what is this really important thing you have that cannot be moved, anyway?

Original poster
hillsideboy · 09/09/2017 11:49

MIL has just mgs to say it has been changed to the date that does suit everyone 😂😂

SIL was really dragging her heels there but was told by MIL to wise up and get over it as it makes more sense to go when everyone can attend and no one needs the hassle so in future to ask me.. 😂

OP posts:
MrsDustyBusty · 09/09/2017 11:52

You win. Hurrah. I'm sure it'll be a lovely evening.

happypoobum · 09/09/2017 11:53

Well if that is really what happened doubtful then I feel really sorry for SIL being bullied into a relationship with someone who is clearly very jealous and resentful of her.

Enjoy your victory OP. It obviously means a lot to you.

londonista · 09/09/2017 11:54

Puff!!

(The sound of last shred of sympathy going up in smoke)

Shumpalumpa · 09/09/2017 11:54

Looks I find it ironic that you accused OP being mother to her DH but felt the need to test your husband to prove he wasn't 'incompetent' an capable of independent thought.

How have I been rude on this thread? For daring to have a different opinion?

Textpectation · 09/09/2017 11:55

I feel sorry for your SIL. Most posters thought ywbu. You are obviously delighted in the outcome.

Your MIL told her DIL to make arrangement with you in future?Hmm

Not sure why your SIL would bother with you all.