To contact SS and have them take my DD?

[PeppaPigObsession]

DD is 2, I love her more than life itself. I'd do absolutely anything for her and to protect her. This is not another "I have no bond with my child" thread because I know I do and this is why I am in tears writing this. I do everything I can for her, read to her and sing to her, and we chat and play and even enjoy a bit of TV. We go to the park and she loves Nursery.

For those who haven't read my previous threads. My Husband left us on 26th June. H has and did have his own health issues that meant he couldn't or didn't want to properly bond with DD, he also had anger issues. (Thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2964156-DH-wants-to-leave there's also another thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2974133-To-think-Ive-messed-up-badly.

Like I said, I love DD but I am really struggling. I have depression and am already on antidepressants, but am still struggling.

For the last few days I can't keep on top of the housework, I'm too tired from appointments and nursery runs and keeping up with the sheer amount of paperwork that having a child with so many issues produces, i just can't keep on top of it.

The washing up needs doing, the cat tray needs emptying and refilling with fresh litter, DDs toys need putting away, her clothes need taking off the airer and put away, and the washing machine needs emptying and put up on the airer to dry, her uniform for Nursery needs washing, all the rooms need hoovering, the floors in the bathroom and kitchen need sweeping and mopping, the recycling needs to be taken to the blue recycling bin outside, the bathroom needs cleaning - I've been cleaning the toilet every few days, but the bath and sink need a spray and clean, old bottle need throwing out and the bin in there needs emptying, DDs bed sheets need washing - she only has a sheet and a pillow with a case as she uses her favourite blanket at night, my bed sheets need doing (full king size set) and they will need to be taken to the laundrette as I have a small spacer saver washer which won't fit my sheets in, the grass in the front garden needs a mow. I need to go to Aldi for DDs nappies as I only have half a pack left and i need to do the weekly food shop. And DDs not in nursery today.

I just can't cope. I want to scream or cry or something. I just can't cope anymore with it. DD doesn't sleep at night very well, waking up every few hours so I'm on my knees with exhaustion. I am sick of her whinging because she can't do something or her toys stuck of the cats sad on her favourite elephant teddy. I'm sick of having everyone in and out of my house judging and probably laughing about how I can't cope.

My DM told me a few weeks ago I need to woman up and deal with it because this is my life now so I haven't spoken to her since. Ex-MIL has DD for 4 hours once a fortnight, but wants to cut it down to 2 hours as she says she needs "a life" now both her kids have moved out. Husband has disappeared after the parents of a friend he was stayed with kicked him out, and as he's quit his job and not claiming benefits, and he doesn't want contact with DD.

She deserves better than a family who don't want her, a mother who can't cope and a cluttered home. She should be living in a family home with two parents who love her and want her and can cope, who can drive so she doesn't need to be on public transport for appointments.

DD is napping right now and all I want to do is cry and call SS and tell them to take her somewhere where she'll be properly cared for - I mean we had a takeaway for the 2nd time in a fortnight last night, how is that ok?

I know I should be grateful to have her as some women can't have children. But I know as soon as I get the house under control again it'll get bad because I get busy with appointments and phonecalls to various departments, so it'll be bad again soon.

So WIBU to ring SS right now and tell them I can't cope with my 2 year old and to have them take her away?

They won't ...

sorry.

None of the things you describe sound bad to me, and I'm not a social worker.

Just skimmed your other two ops. Here's the bit that shone out for me:

She's generally a happy little girl, loves Nursery and is often invited to birthday parties and for play dates at other houses.

That is the most important thing. More important than clutter, or takeaways. More important than buses or cars. She has a mummy who loves her, and that is the most important thing in the world.

You sound like you need support though, and fair enough. Can you ring your HV as a first port of call?

Please don't do this. You love your DD and you are her world.

Call your Health Visitor and tell her you urgently need support. Is there still homestart in your area?

Are you on the right meds? Book a GP appointment and revisit. Maybe there is something stronger you can take.

As to the rest. Two takeaways in a fortnight is absolutely fine. It is all building up so seems unmanageable, so break it down.

Start with food and nappies, as you need those urgently. Go and sort that now and ignore all the rest. Beds can wait another few days.

for you.

Can you get a cleaner for a few weeks to help you get on top of things?
Cleaner here if you are nearby? Have been known to do freebies as a nice gesture!!
Been bogged down with dc and useless /no dp in the past and it is shit. .

You should call your health visitor TODAY. Tell them every thing, there are people and organisations that can help. Homestart (i think) is one, they can send a person round to support you for a few hours a week.

I don't think that taking your little girl away is by any means an option but you clearly need support and that is absoloutely nothing to be ashamed of. On a side note are you able to up her nursery hours so you get a bit more time to rest/get stuff done? Even if it's temporary.

Go and see your GP and talk about managing your anxiety. But by all means call SS. They won't take your daughter away, they'll tell you how to access services that might help.

I think your depression is making you set too high standards for yourself. Give yourself a break - two takeaways in a fortnight is pretty normal as are a lot of the other things. Can you catch up when she goes to nursery?

Can you increase her time at nursery? So if you can afford two extra sessions book her in. Use one of the sessions for things for her tidying etc and the other for just spending time on you

Get help where you can. A quick google for family resources or look at option your local council can offer.

Do the things that need doing like cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. Other things can wait.

Do you have a friend who can help you get out of the initial mess?

You don't need her taking off you, you just need support and there is nothing wrong with that

She needs you more than she needs the place tidy. You sound like a good mother . Write down all of the jobs that need to be done and tick each one off. It sounds like you are very overwhelmed. Make sure you do one thing at a time and put dirty things like the washing up at the top of the jobs. Life will get easier but it just takes time.

A takeaway twice a fortnight and clothes clean but not put away is not the end of the world.

I'm guessing you have high standards which is great because in an emergency you can lower them a bit without hitting the bottom.

She has clean clothes and she is fed.

It's hard, but you can do this. Do 1 thing from your list and then have a 10 minute break. Start with emptying the washing machine and hanging the laundry. Don't put the clean stuff away just now, pile it up and put it away later.

After you have done this, and had your 10 minutes put the nursery clothes in to wash.

Can you face going to Aldi to get nappies and some food?

Ignore changing the sheets for today, and leave the washing up. It won't kill anyone to have dirty dishes in the sink.

You can do it, we are thinking of you.

In all honestly, you sound like youre putting too much pressure on yourself, you have a two year old, the house doesnt need to be immaculate, take a breather, tackle the things that bother you most while shes napping and do the rest later

Rome wasnt built in a day and your housework doesnt need to be done in a day, you sound like me last year! Best thing I did was tackle the things that were driving me insane first then the rest that could be done once ds was asleep then

Your mental health is really low at the moment, that's obvious. To read the things you've listed regarding the house, objectively, there's no problem with it other than it's piling up around you. All that could be put to order one way or another.
It's clear that the issue is how you're feeling. I'm sorry that you're struggling. It's shit and draining - I've been there and still go there at time to time.
Where are you based, roughly?

I'm sorry you're feeling so low, and that you think you can't cope. You have written a very eloquent post about all the things that you need to do around the house, and a description of the sort of family that you think your DD should be living with. But that 'perfect' family a) won't be you and b) will have their own problems too. Everyone does.

Stop driving yourself so hard. So what if you've had takeaway twice in the last fortnight - it's food, isn't it? Did you let your DD starve? No, you fed her. So the sheets need doing, and you need to go to the supermarket. One trip per day, and you make it an adventure by going on the bus.

The carpet needs hoovering and the floors need mopping. Put the TV on, plop DD in front of it and mop a floor or two. You can do this.

Look for a mother and toddler playgroup at your church hall or similar - somewhere you can have a cup of tea with other mums who will tell you the same thing: their house is a tip, they have no time to do anything and they're knackered.

You can do it, OP, just don't try to do everything all on the same day.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way OP. It sounds like you are a great mum and looking after your daughter very well.
At the moment your depression is causing you to have a massive lack of motivation and making everything seem like a big deal when it really needn't be.
May I make a suggestion? Rather than sitting watching this thread and waiting for replies go and do just one of the jobs on your list above. When you have done that sit back down, congratulate yourself, read the replies and repeat with the next job.
I'll assume hiring a cleaner isn't financially possible. But could a one off session be something you could ask of from your family for birthday or Christmas or something?

She needs you. She knows nothing about messy houses or any of that. She will be aware that her dad isn't around. She needs you to be the constant. Even if that means you close the curtains, shove on Cbeebies and feed her on toast and milk for a few days. It's perfectly ok to be imperfect as a parent. You'll improve, you just need time and perspective and maybe a supportive friend - do you have any one you can call or chat to, even online?

I'm sorry you're feeling shit and I don't doubt it gets incredibly hard and like everything is a disaster . From the perspective of an outsider (who is not suffering from depression or hugely sleep deprived), though, the only thing on your to do list that actually sounds urgent is getting in some more nappies before they run out. I'm not a social worker or an expert but honestly it sounds like you're doing fine.

Feels, not gets

You sound utterly exhausted OP. Phone your HV or go to your GP and tell them the above. Hopefully there is a Sure start or Home start in your area that can offer practical help, even a few hours sleep can really make a difference

op please hold on. No one is laughing at you. Please please call your health visitor now. It's what they are for

They wont remove her.

Torn between giving advice and wondering about "a takeaway for the 2nd time in a fortnight"

Didn't want to read and run, I'm so sorry your feeling so low right now. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and when you feel there are a million things to do its so overwhelming. Unless there are things that pose a health risk to you or your daughter then forget the house work for now, it's not important in the grand scheme of things. Do you have a friend or understanding relative who could come and help you out a bit? If you really do feel pike you can't cope then please do seek help but be assured that your daughter loves you and will be happy with you despite how you might feel. Just as she is your whole world, as her mum, your her world too. I hope things get better for you soon

Homestart are exactly for this kind of situation. You need support, that's all, so would most people in your situation. Please reach out and get it before you take such a massive decision.

They won't , she isn't at risk and social services won't be concerned about an untidy house.
Go back to your GP