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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Refused breastfeeding in a store

363 replies

cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 10:05

So I went out for the day with 9mo DS. Thinking I'd just be gone a few hours, so could feed him when I got home. So wore a very feeding-unfriendly dress. Covered chin to knee with no openings.

As it turned out he wouldn't nap so instead of getting public transport home I walked in an effort to get a pram nap. Didn't work either.

On the way I picked up an item I'd ordered from a naice clothes shop chain, on Kings Rd where I was the only customer in the store. I spent £££ on the item and asked the lady if she minded if I quickly popped into one of the change rooms to feed the baby as he was probably dehydrated by this time. She said no, it was a health and safety issue. English wasn't her first language so I repeated myself slightly differently to ensure I was understood... I'd just be taking my dress off on the change room and sitting on the stool... she said no, not possible, but there is a Starbucks two doors down, I should try there.
As I wasn't keen to remove my dress in Starbucks, I carried on home as quickly as possible in order to get some milk into him (I had offered him water a number of times but he's not very keen on that yet).

Before I make any kind of official complaint... I ask you all, was IBU to do this? What are the legal rights of people to bf in a shop? I could obviously have pretended I was tying on a dress, taken baby in there and done it anyway...
And surely it's not actually a healthy and safety thing... folks get up to all sorts in dressing cubicles.

OP posts:
Cousinit · 14/09/2017 06:25

Yes, a Mothercare feeding room would have saved the day for sure but why on earth do you think there must have been one nearby? I can't imagine anyone deliberately keeping their baby waiting for a feed or resorting to a changing room otherwise.

Becles · 14/09/2017 06:32

Thanks for summarising my thoughts so clearly Raizel

MsPassepartout · 14/09/2017 06:40

I don't understand why these women have to drag their babies round shops when they know they may need a feed or are feeding on demand! We're lucky enough to live in an era where there are expressing machines. That's what they're there for! And if baby won't accept teat then don't drag them out for more than 20 mins at a time! That's how I managed!

Yeah, some of us bad mothers won't put our lives, and the lives of our older DC, on hold until our babies are fully weaned. I've continued doing all sorts of ordinary everyday stuff while wearing breastfeeding friendly clothes and breastfeeding my baby whenever he needs it.

flumpybear · 14/09/2017 06:40

Was this a small store with one changing room only? If so it may be they we're worried in case you took ages to bf and they may lose a customer - but I think if it were me I'd have offered some space out the back of the shop if a short conversation with the mum (u in this case) revealed you may half say half an hour or more which may prove difficult for other customers

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 14/09/2017 06:42

At 9 months I find it surprising to urgently need to bf. Many babies at this age only have one feed between morning & bedtime. Did LO have a good drink of water with their lunch? Of course women must be able to bf anywhere (I do) but isn't the point of that law to protect women of younger (pre-weaning onto solids) babies who can't simply be given a snack and drink of water? It feels a bit like making a point about bf when these situations are discussed re older babies. Although given the appallingly low rates of bf in the UK, perhaps thats why people want to make a point.

MsPassepartout · 14/09/2017 06:42

For goodness sake! How do you think mothers managed in the Victorian era with them dresses etc?!

Given that safe formula milk (or contraception) didn't exist in the Victorian era, I'm willing to bet that Victorian women could buy dresses that gave babies easy access to the breast.

RoseAndRose · 14/09/2017 06:48

For goodness sake! How do you think mothers managed in the Victorian era with them dresses etc?!

They hired wet nurses, or weaned babies on to quite dangerous mixes (home modified milk - probably cow, but goat preferred) or gruel or even gave them beer (safer than water in some areas) or even gin to shut them up.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 14/09/2017 07:47

Raziel says it brilliantly. Also, no one has said not to breastfeed. In fact, most are saying just wear the appropriate clothing or go somewhere made for breastfeeding that has a closed off room, plenty of which you were near. If you can't take any responsibility for this op then what/where else do you palm your responsibility off?

FaithHopeCharityDesperation · 14/09/2017 10:31

Did LO have a good drink of water with their lunch?

The 9 month old (presumably at least partially weaned onto solid food) 9 month old doesn't drink water.
His only source of hydration is breast milk directly from the breast as he refuses water or breast milk from a cup or bottle.

This is the reason that I, personally think the OP is unreasonable in this particular situation - she knows that her son will require access to her breasts for a drink at some point, yet she put on a dress that covered her from neck to knee with no fastenings & took him out for over 5 hours.

She created the problem, yet chose to blame someone else for the outcome of her silly clothing choice.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 14/09/2017 12:53

FHCD thanks for clarifying. IMHO she needs to teach him to drink from a cup! Most 9 month olds will happily hold and drink from a sippy cup or beaker. I think a lot of people say their child "won't" do x or y when the reality is they don't want the faff or mess of teaching/encouraging it.

catkind · 14/09/2017 14:10

They are supposed to have milk (bm or formula) as their main drink until 1 year old. Few sips of water with a meal, sure (which he did have). Water as a substitute for a milk feed, no. Don't see why OP should be expected to get worked up about her son not drinking loads of water from a cup when he shouldn't be allowed to anyway at his age.

And yet again, OP didn't mean to go out for so long. She accidentally stayed longer than planned. It was a mistake. People make mistakes. Other people are usually kind and helpful in this circumstance, not make up fictional H&S reasons for not letting them briefly sit in an empty space in an empty shop.

Kardashianlove · 14/09/2017 14:26

I am very pro breastfeeding and breastfed mine for a LONG time, pretty much anywhere you can think of.

Whilst I think it would have been nice for the store to offer to let you feed, I don't think you can expect to feed in their changing room.

I wouldn't dream of going out in clothes I couldn't feed it. Babies are unpredictable or can hurt themselves and need milk, get unsure somewhere unfamiliar, you can get delayed, etc. The advantage of breastfeeding is that you can just feed whenever you have a cranky baby, wearing unsuitable clothes stops this! Obviously you realise now though. Sorry you had a stressful day.

Have you tried the Facebook group 'can you breastfeed in it'. Loads of gorgeous feeding friendly clothes on there.

DaveGrohlsMrs · 14/09/2017 18:34

My hubby is an HSE inspector (yes, boo hiss!) and he laughed at this. His pet hate is HSE getting blamed for stuff that have nothing to do with them, i.e. banning school kids from playing conkers or women breast feeding in changing rooms. He says that companies use this as an excuse when they just don't want people doing these things. Easier to blame HSE than to take responsibility themselves!

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