Refused breastfeeding in a store

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So I went out for the day with 9mo DS. Thinking I'd just be gone a few hours, so could feed him when I got home. So wore a very feeding-unfriendly dress. Covered chin to knee with no openings.

As it turned out he wouldn't nap so instead of getting public transport home I walked in an effort to get a pram nap. Didn't work either.

On the way I picked up an item I'd ordered from a naice clothes shop chain, on Kings Rd where I was the only customer in the store. I spent £££ on the item and asked the lady if she minded if I quickly popped into one of the change rooms to feed the baby as he was probably dehydrated by this time. She said no, it was a health and safety issue. English wasn't her first language so I repeated myself slightly differently to ensure I was understood... I'd just be taking my dress off on the change room and sitting on the stool... she said no, not possible, but there is a Starbucks two doors down, I should try there.
As I wasn't keen to remove my dress in Starbucks, I carried on home as quickly as possible in order to get some milk into him (I had offered him water a number of times but he's not very keen on that yet).

Before I make any kind of official complaint... I ask you all, was IBU to do this? What are the legal rights of people to bf in a shop? I could obviously have pretended I was tying on a dress, taken baby in there and done it anyway...
And surely it's not actually a healthy and safety thing... folks get up to all sorts in dressing cubicles.

^^ exactly

I think yabu. And I say that as someone who is currently exclusively bf a 4 month old.

Changing rooms will be needed by customers and I wouldn't expect a shop, especially a smaller one, to essentially corden off one for my sole use. It's not fair.

Just because you're bf doesn't mean you have rights to everywhere and everything. What would you have done if you'd been in a corner shop or office type area...demand access to their back rooms?

It's like to the story recently about a woman complaining because a supermarket refused her access to 'a private area' because one didn't exist . It's entitled and gives other bf'rs a bad name.

The difference is this private area does exist and the public are allowed to be in it. And as it happens there were no other demands on it and three spares. It was a small accommodation to ask. Glad OP found the store management more understanding than MN.

Exactly my thoughts Newmanwannabe.

I may have missed a few posts here, but the whole situation sounds so nonsensical to me. For goodness sake, the OP was totally honest about her poor clothing choice and how she felt about bfing in public. The shop assistant should have beem sympathetic and let do it in the changing room. If the store was empty and she was spending her money there, why not help her solve a problem? I myself coordinate a language school and have already let a prospect student bf in the laboratory. Her baby was crying and she asked me this favor. We kind of assessed her needs while she bfd. I was so happy to see the look of relief on her face when I allowed her to do it. I think it's a question of being human, simple as that. I don't know about legal issues, but I sure would talk to the manager about the assistant's lack of common sense. And I guess I wouldn't shop there anymore.

*let her do it

Definitely complain. It's so very wrong to deny a baby food and especially as you'd be out of view of any other customers, not that there were any in at the time. Makes you think you shouldn't have bothered asking and just went in to pretend to try inbox another item and feed your baby instead. The store should definitely educate their staff on what exactly us health and safety.

*is

I am glad you got the outcome you did from the head office, I hope the staff are swiftly reminded of the policy xx

Changing rooms will be needed by customers and I wouldn't expect a shop, especially a smaller one, to essentially corden off one for my sole use. It's not fair.

Rubbish. The changing rooms and shop were empty. In the unlikely event that they suddenly had four people wanting to use the changing room, it's perfectly normal to ask customers to wait the few minutes that would be needed.

I'd like to congratulate you OP for passing the buck for your bad decisions down to some minimum wage retail worker who may well face a disciplinary action as a result of your thoughtlessness.

But the retail worker wasn't following her employers' policy. Unless they failed to train her in their policies, she can hardly complain.

OP I congratulate you on handling this with so much dignity. Well done for not giving in to temptation and naming the store - I think you dealt with this very well.

Those saying the store assistant was not in the wrong - she failed to offer or allow OP a place to bf within the shop, therefore she acted unlawfully. She didn't say, sorry the changing rooms are not for bf but you can bf anywhere else, instead she suggested the OP leave the store and go elsewhere. Have pps just overlooked this part of the OP?

The assistant also acted against store policy which is to offer a private place if required, so on all counts the assistant was in the wrong and should be retrained/reprimanded in this instance.

Those saying the store assistant was not in the wrong - she failed to offer or allow OP a place to bf within the shop, therefore she acted unlawfully

No, you are only half right. Allow, yes. Offer a place, absolutely not. The law does not compel anywhere to offer your either a private or public space, it simply says that you must not prevent anyone.

Hi All

I got a response from the store which suggested they are taking it all seriously:
..
We can confirm that this complaint has been escalated to our Area Manager to ensure that the situation is dealt with as soon as possible.

Please be assured that our Head Office have also been made aware of the issue and will be providing training and care to ensure that this does not happen again.
..

I it is nice to know that the store is striving to go above and beyond the legal minimum required to accommodate breastfeeding women, and is aiming to actively accommodate them in private areas where requested. Hopefully they succeed.

I'm sure you feel very pleased that you got the shop worker into plenty of trouble rather than just go somewhere more sensible.
Well done.

I'm glad you raised the issue with the store op. No one said the shop worker was in trouble ballestief...just being made aware of what to do again in such circumstances.

You had other places to go, and only a stones throw away.. why on earth did you not go there instead? Why have you made such a big thing about wanting a changing room for a purpose other than changing in? You fucked up by wearing the wrong clothing and have made such a big deal about it. Quite unnecessary really.

If there was no-where nearby to feed that had closed of rooms to do so, or even if you had just walked in and fed your child rather than asking then I would understand more but the fact you were somewhere that had rooms specifically to breastfeed in, and you didn't choose to go there just properly baffles me..

Op why do you refuse to take any responsibility for what has happened! Let's go through what happened in your own words!

OP- So I went out for the day with 9mo DS. Thinking I'd just be gone a few hours, so could feed him when I got home.

So you chose to go out for the day and had made no back up plan for if you were out longer and DS needed feeding.

OP- So wore a very feeding-unfriendly dress. Covered chin to knee with no openings.

You then chose to wear a dress that wasn't going to be helpful when it came to breastfeeding

OP- As it turned out he wouldn't nap so instead of getting public transport home I walked in an effort to get a pram nap. Didn't work either.

So knowing you were not ideally prepared for breastfeeding your DS you decided that you would walk instead of getting public transport which you knew would add time onto your journey again knowing that your son would probably be hungry and going against your own original plan of only being out for a few hours still knowing your are not in a great position to breastfeed.

OP- asked the lady if she minded if I quickly popped into one of the change rooms to feed the baby as he was probably dehydrated by this time. She said no, it was a health and safety issue. English wasn't her first language so I repeated myself slightly differently to ensure I was understood

You then tried to emotionally blackmail the lady by saying can you feed the baby as he is probably dehydrated to try and make sure you got your own way and then because she refused your request in your own arrogance and belief that because you are breast feeding you can do what ever you want, where ever you want you assumed that because she said no there could be no other reason except that the ladies English was not good enough to understand your request.

OP- As I wasn't keen to remove my dress in Starbucks, I carried on home as quickly as possible in order to get some milk into him (I had offered him water a number of times but he's not very keen on that yet).

Again you chose an unsuitable attire for breastfeeding in and then to top it all off instead of going to an establishment where you could breastfeed without worrying about taking your dress off in front of other people you chose to hurry past them and make out your baby nearly dehydrated because of this shop assistant.

Where does your responsibility for this come in?

Also reading the shops response it is simply paying you lip service to avoid a PR nightmare and probably from having to deal with you again!

Also to make it clear from your misleading title you were not refused breastfeeding in the shop you were simply told you could not use a changing room to do so!

Just plan your day better or express!

For goodness sake! How do you think mothers managed in the Victorian era with them dresses etc?!

I don't understand why these women have to drag their babies round shops when they know they may need a feed or are feeding on demand! We're lucky enough to live in an era where there are expressing machines. That's what they're there for! And if baby won't accept teat then don't drag them out for more than 20 mins at a time! That's how I managed!

*EXACTLY Raizel!!!!
*
Couldn't have worded it better myself!!!

This BF entitlement has gone too far now. Having to cup my hand over my eyes whilst eating in a restaurant as woman at opposite table had boob hanging out whilst burping baby and I'm terrified of catching her eye accidentally whilst eating/scanning the room casually/ya know, existing....and being accused of gawping! Madness.

Plan your day better, or at least your clothing better and consider others. Cover yourselves up. For everyone's sake including your baby and your own dignity!!!!

I don't understand why these women have to drag their babies round shops when they know they may need a feed or are feeding on demand! We're lucky enough to live in an era where there are expressing machines. That's what they're there for! And if baby won't accept teat then don't drag them out for more than 20 mins at a time! That's how I managed!

Yes I am a terribly mother for 'dragging' my baby places and feeding him. What a bizarre attitude. If you want a shit life where you can't leave the house for more than 20 minutes then that's fine. I'll just carry on wearing appropriate breastfeeding clothes and will continue to feed him when he needs it (not in a shop changing room).

Exactly NerrSnerr! Yesterday I managed to leave the house eventually for an hour...then spent the afternoon/evening stuck on the sofa feeding, winding, mopping up sick. I've had five hours sleep and have now been feeding since 5am. Escaping the house with ds is the only thing which stops me from going completely insane. If he needs feeding whilst out what do you all expect me to do?

Gosh, there are some terrible comments on here. Great to see so
many people supporting other mums to breastfeed their babies as nature intended . Not surprising that the UK has the worst breastfeeding rates in the world with attitudes like this.

As OP is clearly a Londoner and must have been within a stone's throw of one of the best known (and just plain best) parents room, I really don't see why she wanted to feed in a dress shop anyhow.

Especially as the 9month old can only just have started to demand a feed (she's been shopping in that very shop, which she wouldn't have done if she was so concerned about his well being).

So there must have been times in 9 months where the DC must have had to hang on for 10 mins or so. Which is oodles on time on foot to reach a fab place to feed.

It probably took longer to talk to the assistant about where to feed than it would have done to get to a much comfier place.