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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Refused breastfeeding in a store

363 replies

cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 10:05

So I went out for the day with 9mo DS. Thinking I'd just be gone a few hours, so could feed him when I got home. So wore a very feeding-unfriendly dress. Covered chin to knee with no openings.

As it turned out he wouldn't nap so instead of getting public transport home I walked in an effort to get a pram nap. Didn't work either.

On the way I picked up an item I'd ordered from a naice clothes shop chain, on Kings Rd where I was the only customer in the store. I spent £££ on the item and asked the lady if she minded if I quickly popped into one of the change rooms to feed the baby as he was probably dehydrated by this time. She said no, it was a health and safety issue. English wasn't her first language so I repeated myself slightly differently to ensure I was understood... I'd just be taking my dress off on the change room and sitting on the stool... she said no, not possible, but there is a Starbucks two doors down, I should try there.
As I wasn't keen to remove my dress in Starbucks, I carried on home as quickly as possible in order to get some milk into him (I had offered him water a number of times but he's not very keen on that yet).

Before I make any kind of official complaint... I ask you all, was IBU to do this? What are the legal rights of people to bf in a shop? I could obviously have pretended I was tying on a dress, taken baby in there and done it anyway...
And surely it's not actually a healthy and safety thing... folks get up to all sorts in dressing cubicles.

OP posts:
RedBlackberries · 08/09/2017 17:14

Give the woman a break! We all forget shit sometimes Grin

LairyMcClary · 08/09/2017 17:16

Yes we do, but we don't all make that someone elses problem and fault, do we?

RedBlackberries · 08/09/2017 17:18

She wasn't though. She asked to use an empty changing room. The person wasn't accommodating for whatever reason and me and many other people on this thread think that she could and should have been.

Sayyouwill · 08/09/2017 17:22

Of course she could have, but she didn't have to. But OP also could have worn appropriate clothing and not bitched about it online.

LairyMcClary · 08/09/2017 17:23

And many think she didn't need to and this is all just someone having a moan because they made a silly mistake.
It's a changing room, it's for changing in. Nothing else.

RedBlackberries · 08/09/2017 17:25

If people didn't bitch about their experiences online therd be no mumsnet Grin

I would have felt really upset in her position. It's not a big ask to use a changing room for 20mins and if they ware worried about other customers needed it they could have been decent and offered the stock room.

Nikkimarie · 08/09/2017 17:26

name and shame - this is disgusting behaviour!

RedBlackberries · 08/09/2017 17:28

And mothers women arnt aloud to make mistakes EVER!

LairyMcClary · 08/09/2017 17:35

You seem confused. It's not about her mistake, it's that she turned it into someone elses mistake. Complaining about a store employee because you forgot how to dress yourself....pretty poor show.

RedBlackberries · 08/09/2017 17:38

All retail shops have a first aid kit. If your child scraped their knee outside the shop and you asked for a plaster would you be a bit pissed off if they said 'no, they're for employees only'? Or would you think. 'It's all my fault for not being a first aid kit out'?

I think she found fault with the fact that the shop assistant couldn't just use some compassion in the situation.

LairyMcClary · 08/09/2017 17:40

Not the same thing, actually. And no I wouldn't expect a shop to give me their first aid kit either.

exaltedwombat · 08/09/2017 17:43

Being legally allowed to feed is one thing. Being allowed into any particular space to do it (or anything else) is another. When someone refuses you something, analysis of the reason given is often futile.

RedBlackberries · 08/09/2017 17:45

I would. Not 'entitled' or whatever but just give and take small kindnesses as they come.

Sayyouwill · 08/09/2017 17:45

A shop cannot let a customer have a wander about in their stockroom! For all they know OP was a shoplifter who was using the dress/feeding/baby story as a cover for being allowed access to their stockroom or back of house area. If something went missing they couldn't even claim on insurance because they willingly let her in.
I have witnessed people using their baby's pram to help them shoplift (primark) so it absolutely is not unheard of.

Sayyouwill · 08/09/2017 17:50

Do you feel she has been discriminated against?

DerbyshireDad17 · 08/09/2017 18:08

quite clearly states:

DO make sure women you’re providing services to
are allowed to breastfeed on your premises if they
want to.

Orangebird69 · 08/09/2017 18:12

Derbyshire, the assistant didn't say she couldn't breastfeed in the shop. Just not in the changing room.

AngeloMysterioso · 08/09/2017 18:12

The shop asst didn't say the OP wasn't allowed to bf in there. Just that she couldn't use the fitting room to do it.

So the point that I and many others have made, that OP could have bf'd on the shop floor had she dressed more sensibly, is still completely valid.

LairyMcClary · 08/09/2017 18:13

That doesn't mean "anywhere on the premises they would like to".

DerbyshireDad17 · 08/09/2017 18:19

Fair points, well made. Be interesting to see anyone with a legal mind weigh in.

Though it stands to reason, that if the obligation is on all businesses to allow it, then a clothes shop with the only logical places to comfortably feed being a changing room seat/stool... wouldn't refusing be in breach?

'reason' being the subjective element of this debate of course....

Ceto · 08/09/2017 18:19

this isn't on demand feeding ffs, it's a 9month old child who's been taken on a shopping trip down teh kings road and "might" be dehydrated after five hours without being fed

What does it matter? OP wanted to feed her child. Would you say she was totally unreasonable if the child was bottle fed?

I agree the store doesn't have a duty to provide you with facilities to feed, but they couldn't stop you doing so on their premises. But in any event, a shop selling clothes to women would be pretty idiotic not to accommodate this sort of request when they have four empty cubicles and no-one else in the shop.

curlilox · 08/09/2017 18:20

I took my grandson into a cafe in a museum. I asked the assistant for a cup of hot water to warm his bottle of milk. I was told they couldn't give customers hot water as it was a health and safety issue. I had just bought a cup of tea made with er, HOT WATER!!! (No milk in , add your own at a separate table)

pollymere · 08/09/2017 18:21

I would probably have suggested Starbucks too...but only if I didn't realize you'd have to completely take your dress off as you could sit and have a drink etc. I suspect she didn't quite grasp the question. Food probably is an issue so she may have thought you meant feed the baby as in from a jar etc. I would make the manager aware. My naughtier side wants it to be Pretty Woman esque with you laden down with expensive shopping bags saying Big Mistake, Huge! But probably saying you'll be making a complaint to Head Office will suffice (and do complain).

user1478433729 · 08/09/2017 18:36

I live in the area and am wondering which shop this is? The only ones big enough to have 4 changing rooms are M&S, Reiss and Jigsaw on Duke of York square.
If the latter, or indeed any other shop on Duke of York Sq, I wouldn't have bothered in getting too het up as Peter Jones is practically opposite. They have a really useful parents room, plus the cheese scones in their cafe are my secret pleasure too.

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