Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refused breastfeeding in a store

363 replies

cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 10:05

So I went out for the day with 9mo DS. Thinking I'd just be gone a few hours, so could feed him when I got home. So wore a very feeding-unfriendly dress. Covered chin to knee with no openings.

As it turned out he wouldn't nap so instead of getting public transport home I walked in an effort to get a pram nap. Didn't work either.

On the way I picked up an item I'd ordered from a naice clothes shop chain, on Kings Rd where I was the only customer in the store. I spent £££ on the item and asked the lady if she minded if I quickly popped into one of the change rooms to feed the baby as he was probably dehydrated by this time. She said no, it was a health and safety issue. English wasn't her first language so I repeated myself slightly differently to ensure I was understood... I'd just be taking my dress off on the change room and sitting on the stool... she said no, not possible, but there is a Starbucks two doors down, I should try there.
As I wasn't keen to remove my dress in Starbucks, I carried on home as quickly as possible in order to get some milk into him (I had offered him water a number of times but he's not very keen on that yet).

Before I make any kind of official complaint... I ask you all, was IBU to do this? What are the legal rights of people to bf in a shop? I could obviously have pretended I was tying on a dress, taken baby in there and done it anyway...
And surely it's not actually a healthy and safety thing... folks get up to all sorts in dressing cubicles.

OP posts:
Nikephorus · 08/09/2017 10:54

I'd just like to say (and it's not remotely relevant) that I like the idea of an "autumn dress" - it makes me think of red & brown leaves floating down, all peaceful. Grin

Orangebird69 · 08/09/2017 10:58

OP, what would you have done if all the changing rooms were actually occupied?

Lethaldrizzle · 08/09/2017 11:14

OP would have waited! me, I would have grabbed a dress, gone in there and breastfed to my heart's content, no questions asked

FaithHopeCharityDesperation · 08/09/2017 11:38

Had I been the OP, I wouldn't have made the choice to let my 9 month old child potentially go for 5+ hours without a drink.

She said herself in the early posts - the only source of hydration her child gets is breast milk directly from source.
He wasn't hungry, she 'thought he might need a drink'.

If you know that your child will need access to your breasts whenever they are thirsty, then why on earth would you deliberately choose to wear an outfit that precludes this?

AngeloMysterioso · 08/09/2017 12:12

It's not mean, it's the truth.

Only1scoop · 08/09/2017 12:14

Angelo makes a good point

Orangebird69 · 08/09/2017 12:20

Not mean at all Angelo. Spot on.

Sayyouwill · 08/09/2017 12:29

@Lethaldrizzle it is 100% the mother's fault. She said she doesn't have a problem with breastfeeding in public so she didn't need to use the changing room due to shyness in that respect. She needed to use it because she chose to wear a neck to ankle dress that would not allow her access to her boobs, therefore she basically needed to strip. That is a problem of her own making. Had she been wearing a shirt or a boobs accessible top and tried to feed her baby in the shop, then that would have been the shops fault if they refused her.
She doesn't have a legal right to demand access to a changing room for any reason. She wore inappropriate clothing. She opted to bypass a shop with a breastfeeding room available. She expected to be able to do whatever she wanted.
We've all been caught short before, and I probably would have asked too if I could use their changing room, but I would have understood that it was my own fault and not come online to bitch that the world didn't make allowances for me because of my own bad decision

Textpectation · 08/09/2017 12:30

Agree wholeheartedly Faith.

Of course women should be able to breast feed. Needing to strip off to bra and pants to do so was very much within the control of the OP. As the OP said the baby was fine and she was able to stay out much longer than she originally expected.

The tone of OP's posts and last paragraph of the draft communication to the shop does make the OP sound the very definition of entitled: 'believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment'.

Breast feeding should feel normal and be supported. I'm glad that the shop has agreed that the assistant made a mistake and that they would arrange something in advance. Maybe the assistant didn't want to say not allowing the OP to use the changing room was a shoplifting issue?

NerrSnerr · 08/09/2017 12:48

I also agree with Angelo. I breastfed my daughter until she was 2 and I only ever went out in none accessible clothes when she was old enough to drink milk/ water from a cup and eat properly. They'd have broken the law if they'd have stopped you sitting in the shop to feed but they don't need to repurpose a room for you.

hellohellogoodbye · 08/09/2017 12:50

No it's not easy to forget you need to breastfeed. And after nine months of it you just don't accidentally wear something that's not possible to feed in. If you do you don't bitch and whine and possibly get someone in to trouble with their job to make some pro breastfeeding statement about a non issue.

And I'm saying this as someone that's still breastfeeding a four year old.

Raizel · 08/09/2017 13:07

I completely agree with the last few posts. The Op hasn't struck a major blow for pro breastfeeding at all.

All she has done is not take responsibility for any of the decisions she made that day that led to this situation, then kicked off when she didn't get her own way and possibly got the shop assistant disciplined for really doing nothing wrong at all.

Great work Op.

Timeforabiscuit · 08/09/2017 14:33

So, just to clarify with the op haters, if she had been wearing nursing clothes and requested a chair to sit on the shop floor and feed - that would be fine?

Sayyouwill · 08/09/2017 14:37

So, just to clarify with the op haters, if she had been wearing nursing clothes and requested a chair to sit on the shop floor and feed - that would be fine?

Yes that would have been absolutely fine... why wouldn't it be?

Sayyouwill · 08/09/2017 14:38

^^ providing they had a chair for her to sit on and the shop was big enough to fit a chair in that is

NerrSnerr · 08/09/2017 14:52

So, just to clarify with the op haters, if she had been wearing nursing clothes and requested a chair to sit on the shop floor and feed - that would be fine?

Yes, that'd be fine. If they had a chair/ space etc. Just because you disagree with the OP doesn't make you a hater.

NoProblemForMe · 08/09/2017 15:10

if she had been wearing nursing clothes and requested a chair to sit on the shop floor and feed - that would be fine?

Not only fine, but perfectly within her legal rights.

Who'd have guessed that there was such a simple solution all along ...

Lethaldrizzle · 08/09/2017 15:18

so the op is getting flamed because she made a bad choice of clothing??!!

NoProblemForMe · 08/09/2017 15:23

@Lethaldrizzle it sounds more like the OP is flaming the shop assistant due to her bad choice of clothing

The OP is the only person responsible for choosing an outfit that prevented her bf'ing unless half naked. As an adult she needs to own that decision.

Textpectation · 08/09/2017 15:32

I don't hate the op. She made an awful clothing choice that couldn't accommodate essential breast feeding and then copped an attitude about it and blamed others for her own lapse in judgement.

LairyMcClary · 08/09/2017 15:34

so the op is getting flamed because she made a bad choice of clothing??!!

She's not getting flamed at all, but she is complaining about other peoples behaviour when it was her own bad clothing choice that caused the issue in the first place.
If you are BF'ing, then wearing something you can actually do it in is sort of move one!

Original poster
cakeandteajustforme · 08/09/2017 16:57

I feel like the story is getting a tad twisted up in itself here.

Regarding my sense of entitlement...I was being entitled to ask for a space to breastfeed in? Ok so we've established (I think) that they're not legally obliged to do so. Fine. I was rejected and so pootled off home. I enquired about the policy, was told their policy is to help women find a comfortable space to do so within the store, in private if requested. As that wasn't my experience I told them so and that makes me entitled?

I never suggested the assistant get fired and in fact the service was good (which I mentioned in my response). What I was wearing is completely irrelevant to the way the store responded to my request.

OP posts:
Original poster
cakeandteajustforme · 08/09/2017 16:58

(But, don't worry, shan't be wearing that dress again this autumn...)

OP posts:
RedBlackberries · 08/09/2017 17:09

I see it a bit like forgetting an umbrella and asking for shelter in a storm. I bet if you'd have posted that no one would have said YABU!!! You should have remembered an umbrella!

Something about BF threads brings out the 'you should have gone out prepared an God forbid you make a human error and wear something inpractical!' folks. In the early days of dd it was a win if I remembered to change my pants Grin

LairyMcClary · 08/09/2017 17:12

9 months of BF'ing, its not early days and its only like forgetting an umbrella if you know it's going to rain at least 4 times a day!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.