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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Refused breastfeeding in a store

363 replies

cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 10:05

So I went out for the day with 9mo DS. Thinking I'd just be gone a few hours, so could feed him when I got home. So wore a very feeding-unfriendly dress. Covered chin to knee with no openings.

As it turned out he wouldn't nap so instead of getting public transport home I walked in an effort to get a pram nap. Didn't work either.

On the way I picked up an item I'd ordered from a naice clothes shop chain, on Kings Rd where I was the only customer in the store. I spent £££ on the item and asked the lady if she minded if I quickly popped into one of the change rooms to feed the baby as he was probably dehydrated by this time. She said no, it was a health and safety issue. English wasn't her first language so I repeated myself slightly differently to ensure I was understood... I'd just be taking my dress off on the change room and sitting on the stool... she said no, not possible, but there is a Starbucks two doors down, I should try there.
As I wasn't keen to remove my dress in Starbucks, I carried on home as quickly as possible in order to get some milk into him (I had offered him water a number of times but he's not very keen on that yet).

Before I make any kind of official complaint... I ask you all, was IBU to do this? What are the legal rights of people to bf in a shop? I could obviously have pretended I was tying on a dress, taken baby in there and done it anyway...
And surely it's not actually a healthy and safety thing... folks get up to all sorts in dressing cubicles.

OP posts:
brotherphil · 08/09/2017 18:59

Probably already been mentioned, but:
Breastfeeding in public places is protected under the Equality Act 2010 for as long as you wish to breastfeed your baby, toddler or small child without an age restriction. Protection covers any public space from parks and leisure facilities to public buildings and using public transport. You’re also protected in shops, hotels, restaurants, hospitals, theatres and cinemas. Maternity Action summarises the legislation regarding breastfeeding in public places in UK and provides a list of places to go for more information:
(from breastfeeding.support/uk-breastfeeding-laws/)

Sayyouwill · 08/09/2017 19:02

@brotherphil as has been mentioned countless times, she wasn't told she couldn't feed. If she had of been told to leave the shop/told she could not feed in the shop then she would have a case. She demanded to use the changing rooms.

brotherphil · 08/09/2017 19:03

@sayyouwill A shop cannot let a customer have a wander about in their stockroom
It wasn't the stockroom, it was the changing room - a public part of the shop, and no security risk.
Did you actually read the post?

brotherphil · 08/09/2017 19:03

Asked.

LesPins · 08/09/2017 19:05

I don't know OP. On the one hand I think you're entitled to breastfeed anywhere you please and it should be supported; on the other (having breastfed for years in total and lived in this part of town for a v long time) why didn't you pop into Peter jones or Starbucks or pret or just anywhere that it would have been easier? It's not unusual for a feed to lead to a nappy change and these places have facilities for that too.
I am supportive but that along with the awkward dress just makes me think you're making your own life a bit harder than it needs to be. Next time you fancy breastfeeding somewhere odd just do it, don't ask!

DagenhamRoundhouse · 08/09/2017 19:09

Raise it on Twitter so it's all public and they can't weasel out of it.

Sayyouwill · 08/09/2017 19:18

@brotherphil @sayyouwill A shop cannot let a customer have a wander about in their stockroom
It wasn't the stockroom, it was the changing room - a public part of the shop, and no security risk.
Did you actually read the post?

Yeah my stockroom comment was in response to someone who said that if the changing rooms weren't suitable then they should have let her go in the stock room. Did you actually ready the thread?

brotherphil · 08/09/2017 19:20

Not all of it - thank you for the correction, and sorry for mistakenly calling you out.

Nanodust · 08/09/2017 20:00

Tweet it with a hashtag to to the store twitter handle and see what reaction is......

SomeOtherFuckers · 08/09/2017 20:04

A woman once ate an entire Chinese takeaway in the fitting room of my old work ( Debenhams) and left all the packaging ... I would have gladly let you feed a baby in there instead

cheval · 08/09/2017 20:04

Next time, don't ask. Wear appropriate clothing so you can do it discreetly anywhere. Remember years ago with a friend in yummy mummy Clapham, in a cafe. Friend asked if owner would mind if she breast fed. She was shown to toilet. I was actually breast feeding with a bit of a shawl thing in the cafe while convo was happening. Owner didn't even see.
Yes of course, shouldn't have to hide it. It needs to be part of every day life. But until nirvana happens, do what works best for you.

FestivalsareNot4me · 08/09/2017 20:07

I bf in loads of changing rooms for some peace and quiet for me and my babies. Monsoon, Next, M&S, H&M Gap, and so on. I never told the shop people, just took a few items of clothing and closed the curtain or door. They were none the wiser Smile.

Angelreid14 · 08/09/2017 20:13

I would have asked to speak to a manager and if that didn't work proceeded to breastfeed on the shop floor. The health and safety of a tiny human being is more important than their poxy store.

NerrSnerr · 08/09/2017 20:17

Angel you would have lifted your dress up and flashed your knickers whilst feeding on the shop floor? You're braver than me!! (But in reality I always wear bf friendly clothing and I would have probably fed on a bench outside so I could spread out)

Mumandteacher123 · 08/09/2017 21:40

They cannot ask you not to bf, that's illegal, so no, you are definitely NBU x

Sayyouwill · 08/09/2017 21:52

They didn't ask her not to bf

UrmomTM7 · 08/09/2017 21:57

She wbu. I'd understand if they were busy and needed the changing room for customers. I asked a woman in selfridges child's shoe section if she knew if there was a feeding room (which a lot of the big stores and shopping centres have now) and she said there wasn't one but I could feed her there... so I sat in the middle of the store she even got me a drink! ... having said that I didn't have to take my clothes off to do it. U should have just grabbed a top or something and said ... "I'm just going to try this on... I may be a while" Grin

catkind · 08/09/2017 22:11

You weren't asking an unreasonable thing, debatably illegal to refuse as the changing rooms are an area that is accessible to the public; in any case really bad customer service, specially at a time when they were not busy so it would have cost them nothing. Glad you've had a positive response from the shop, well done for following it up. And sigh at the posters still berating you for the heinous crime of staying out longer than planned with a baby.

Textpectation · 08/09/2017 22:45

There's no berating and people aren't getting the story a tad twisted up. When posed with a aibu some people think the OP was bu. The op has stated she wore an outfit unsuitable for breastfeeding without totally removing her clothes, and was therefore intending to take her baby home to breast feed. OP decided to stay out later than expected and that, coupled with unsuitable clothing, caused the situation to become more complicated.

Ifeelsuchafool · 09/09/2017 07:25

Refusing breast feeding is illegal. Not sure refusing to allow someone to strip down to underwear is! Nor refusing to allow someone to undertake breastfeeding in a way that might impinge upon their business. Don't think you were being reasonable really to get upset at refusal to use changing room for protracted period. They could have had a rush of customers wanting to try on at any moment and one never knows really how long a breast feeding mother is going to take.

Let's face it, you only really needed/wanted the changing room because you had to remove your whole dress to undertake the task. If you're a breast feeding mother the fact is you should be wearing clothing suitable for discreet breastfeeding at all times when out and about. Lesson learned hopefully.

KnowsStuff · 09/09/2017 07:25

Silly to wear an impractical dress, yes. But.. you technically paid for the right to use the changing room by purchasing an item. Your politeness in asking unfortunately gave the assistant some power which she took full advantage of. Don't bother asking next time, just decide you wish to try on something else ;). I think if you can be bothered to spend your precious time on it, raise a complaint with head office. Compensatory vouchers may ensue :).

pinkstripeycat · 09/09/2017 07:29

It's certainly illegal to ask a breastfeeding mother to leave a public place. I suppose a shop isn't a public place. In Colchester when DS1 was a baby they had a leaflet listing all the bf friendly cafes, restaurants and other places. There were a lot and it was wonderful for me as a new mum. It made a huge difference. During the same period a police officer was reprimanded for telling a bf mother in the towns park she couldn't feed there. It became a huge thing in the town at the time (2005)

FaithHopeCharityDesperation · 09/09/2017 08:49

What does it matter? OP wanted to feed her child. Would you say she was totally unreasonable if the child was bottle fed?

Yes.

It has nothing to do with the means of feeding - the child's only source of hydration is breast milk from source.

He is 9 months old, not a newborn or pre-weaning stage, so the OP knew that he would need a drink (not a feed, a drink) at some point over the course of the day - she's 9 months into this so knows it's a definite that he will require at a drink when thirsty (regardless of whether he also needed a feed too).

She made a bad clothing choice, that's all - why the need to make someone else responsible for your own mistake? That's all people are disagreeing with the OP about.

clarkl2 · 09/09/2017 09:05

Get over yourself love. You wore a stupid outfit. Its down to the discretion of the shop and she said no. Tough tits..... literally.

Gooseberrytart4 · 09/09/2017 09:09

Well OP can't magically get into a time machine to wear a different outfit.

Hiccups happen to us all. They are part of life. Thank goodness the store is handling things appropriately via email. Just sounds like the staff need some training

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