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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make an official complaint about colleague?

792 replies

Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 15:12

I'm really don't want to go to work tomorrow as I've had enough of selfish workmate.
I really love my work. I've been in this job for 10 years, find it fulfilling, great terms and conditions but if things carry on I will go mad.
Colleague had twins 5 years ago and returned to work 2 days a week. Since she had her DC she seems to think that they take priority over her job - even when she is at work. Her DM and SIL take care of them so I would assume they are reliable and trustworthy but she rings them every half hour to check on things. Every half hour WITHOUT FAIL. She will even excuse herself from meetings.
My main issue though is that every appointment she has, doctor, dentist etc she arranges on the days she is at work. We have flexible working to accommodate for this, more so for full time staff who work every day, so we take shorter breaks or start early/finish late to make up the time but she doesn't bother. She just goes off for an hour or so at a time and that's it. This has been going on for years and I've spoken to my boss but nothing is ever addressed with her.
Anyway, her DC start school soon and she came in last week with a list of things she just MUST attend at school - prize givings, parents in-school days, assemblies and I know if they're on either of her 2 working days she will just go.
She won't have holiday leave to cover this as she is off for most of the summer and I'm sure she will want half term etc now too.
I've just had enough and it makes me so angry that she thinks this is acceptable.
AIBU to make an official complaint to Personnel?

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 18/10/2017 22:53

wouldn't *warn her

GreenTulips · 18/10/2017 22:54

And I'd email

Dear CF

Unfortunately i am unable to offfer you a work related reference and any request will be sent to HR/Manager I complete. I don't feel comfortable lying for you and risking my own position. I'm sure you'll understand.

Good luck worth he job hunt

ToadsforJustice · 18/10/2017 22:54

I would tell BIL. You don’t owe her anything, but your BIL must be warned about her. You know she would be an awful employee and I’m sure you couldn’t not say anything. You are a fair and honest person. CFF isn’t. She will behave in the same way with any new employeer.

AnathemaPulsifer · 18/10/2017 22:56

I wouldn't offer any opinion about her (except verbally to your BiL) but can't see how replying to a request for reference with a bemused and factual 'but I'm only her peer, never her line manager' could have any repercussions. Though of course your HR team could advise...

FoxtrotSkarloey · 18/10/2017 23:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

kindermog · 18/10/2017 23:04

Go for broke when you send your email re the lying reference and tell her you (and your colleagues) would find it easier to manage a more healthy work/life balance if you weren't having to pick up the slack caused by CFs like her!

(Not saying there is anything wrong How you manage your life, just that she seems to think there is).

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 18/10/2017 23:06

Thanks Green and Toads

I shall deal with it tomorrow by being honest.

Thanks to all for your help.

OP posts:
kindermog · 18/10/2017 23:10

Warming to the theme:

"Sorry, I do not have time to provide you with a reference due to you recently leaving with no notice. As I'm sure you can appreciate in order to maintain a healthy work/life balance I cannot provide any extra favours as I'm already experiencing an increased workload."

TL;DR Fuck off

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 18/10/2017 23:12

Kinder that made me Grin

OP posts:
LadyWire · 18/10/2017 23:20

She really is the CF gift that keeps on giving isn't she!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 18/10/2017 23:52

I knew she'd be back for references!!!

Definitely tell your bil. Can you imagine how bad it'd be if three months down the line she's doing the same thing to him. It's definitely not bitchy to warn him. You're looking out for him

Haha love kindermogs response! But I'd just be vague. You're not comfortable lying about your position bla bla would prefer to refer to hr.

Or just not reply. The cheeky bint couldn't muster up a please or thank you!

(Hope you're well and the workload has settled a bit!)

EBearhug · 19/10/2017 00:08

She's expecting you to lie for her and to censor what you say about her, and you're worried you're the one who might be a complete bitch? No. Smile

Do let on to your BiL, though.

deaddeadgood · 19/10/2017 05:40

Copy HR into your reply

MyOtherProfile · 19/10/2017 06:25

Oh wow this thread really is the gift that keeps on giving! Just read the whole thing . Well done OP you handled it really well.

I still can't work out why she couldn't do all her extra terribly important things on days she didn't work because her kids were actually in school now! So all this I don't want to miss time with my kids stuff is just rubbish.

And personally I would wait and see if I got a reference request and if somehow I did I would just reply and say that FTCF must have made some kind of mistake because you were never her line manager and certainly couldn't give her a GOOD reference!

Aridane · 19/10/2017 08:44

Just forward to HR

AprilLady4 · 19/10/2017 11:46

Show this thread to BIL

Zaurak · 19/10/2017 11:55

You have to tell your BIL!

But on the qt ;)

Forward any requests to HR. It’d be nice to be able to innocently reply ‘I am not and never have been x’s LM so I’m forwarding this to HR’ but I think even that is frowned on ...

Cover your own arse but make sure those who need to know, know. Especially your BIL!!!

SheffieldStealer · 19/10/2017 12:03

What's with all the LOLs in her email?

Lie Out Loud?
Lots of Lies?
Lack of Loyalty?
Loads of Leisure?
Long Old Lunch?
Lounge on Laptop?

Sidge · 19/10/2017 12:07

Bloody Nora she's priceless isn't she??

I'd be forwarding that email to your HR/manager "for info" and also to your BIL as a heads up. I think you have a professional and ethical responsibility to your BIL to warn him of her traits so he can avoid hiring her. If he then chooses to interview and hire her, on his own head be it.

Jux · 19/10/2017 12:26

I'd be covering my arse by sending that email on to my boss and to HR. Her next attempt to get a reference may turn out to be a complete fabrication of her own taking your name in vain. It almost certainly wouldn't work (she sounds too stupd to be able to doit convincingly) but keep your bum covered just in case she tries.

Jux · 19/10/2017 12:29

Yes you definitely have to tell BIL. You have a personal - and good - relationship with him, which you want to be enduring. She is asking you to fraudulently pose as her line manager in order to dishonestly gain her a job from him. You simply can't keep that from him.

Zaurak · 19/10/2017 12:35

I’d also be reminding your colleagues (perhaps you could ask HR to remind everyone so it doesn’t come from you?) that sending a reference from a work email could be a disciplinary offence.

And yes, tell your BIL

LoverOfCake · 19/10/2017 12:39

Hello OP, while it's not law that all reference requests need to be submitted by HR, most companies, and IME definitely the public sector, have a policy that all reference requests need to be submitted to HR so that they can give factual references.

The reason for this is so they can maintain records of what references have been provided by who etc and to ensure accuracy. After all if a line manager submitted a personal reference which led to the candidate not being offered the position the candidate could potentially take legal action against the organisation.

With this in mind I would just reply that you're not permitted to give references so any reference request sent to you by the company would, in line with company policy, need to be submitted to HR and they will then liaise with the potential new employer directly.

As for your BIL, I would just mention verbally that you've had wind that this woman has applied to his company for a job, and give your (verbal) opinion. Grin.

LoverOfCake · 19/10/2017 12:47

Also, if she's saying that your line manager won't give her a reference I would suggest that there is actually more to her departure than her having resigned with immediate notice.

I know management have said that she's resigned, but if it was that simple a straightforward factual reference would be easy to obtain, so regardless of what management have said I think it's highly likely that she's either been dismissed or has left pending disciplinary action and they've sold it as a resignation as they're expecting legal action so want as few staff in the loop as possible.

Appuskidu · 19/10/2017 13:11

Am dying to know what you're going to say to her about the reference.

I don't see why you would think your BIL would view you as a complete bitch by giving him the heads up about this?! I would just say-'Just to let you know, X has asked me for a reference for a job at your place! Just to let you know that she left under a bit of a cloud-she was a total nightmare!'

He can read into that what he wants and ask for further details if he needs to. That's not bitchy though.