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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make an official complaint about colleague?

792 replies

Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 15:12

I'm really don't want to go to work tomorrow as I've had enough of selfish workmate.
I really love my work. I've been in this job for 10 years, find it fulfilling, great terms and conditions but if things carry on I will go mad.
Colleague had twins 5 years ago and returned to work 2 days a week. Since she had her DC she seems to think that they take priority over her job - even when she is at work. Her DM and SIL take care of them so I would assume they are reliable and trustworthy but she rings them every half hour to check on things. Every half hour WITHOUT FAIL. She will even excuse herself from meetings.
My main issue though is that every appointment she has, doctor, dentist etc she arranges on the days she is at work. We have flexible working to accommodate for this, more so for full time staff who work every day, so we take shorter breaks or start early/finish late to make up the time but she doesn't bother. She just goes off for an hour or so at a time and that's it. This has been going on for years and I've spoken to my boss but nothing is ever addressed with her.
Anyway, her DC start school soon and she came in last week with a list of things she just MUST attend at school - prize givings, parents in-school days, assemblies and I know if they're on either of her 2 working days she will just go.
She won't have holiday leave to cover this as she is off for most of the summer and I'm sure she will want half term etc now too.
I've just had enough and it makes me so angry that she thinks this is acceptable.
AIBU to make an official complaint to Personnel?

OP posts:
Original poster
Abouttoblow · 18/10/2017 20:18

Really Amber?
So if she gives them my details they will just go to personnel anyway?
Problem solved Smile thank you

OP posts:
Cagliostro · 18/10/2017 20:19

the obsession management had with checking up on everything. what like whether they are being fleeced 😂

So she didn't even say please for the reference and career-risking lies then. What a charmer

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 18/10/2017 20:20

The response to the request for the reference will be fuck off or along those lines Smile

OP posts:
HidingBehindTheWallpaper · 18/10/2017 20:25

So she is asking you to lie for her saying that you were her line manager?

No way.

DaphneBlake101 · 18/10/2017 20:25

If she had had a wake up call, she wouldn’t be embroiling you in lies to get a better reference. In my experience, companies have always just contacted whatever name/number I have provided for references because not every business has a specific HR department. She’s probably already given your name so your relative may already be aware.

AnathemaPulsifer · 18/10/2017 21:03

Well legally they will have to contact your company HR rather than an individual so think you can just ignore.

Not sure that's true, we take references from whoever the candidate nominates. In your position I would be replying 'there must be some mistake, by job title is XYZ and I was her peer, never her line manager'

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 18/10/2017 21:06

Anathema I have absolutely zero issue with refusing the reference but I don't know what to do when it comes to my relative. Do I share the info on how lazy and entitled she was in our team?

OP posts:
SandyDenny · 18/10/2017 21:08

I'm pretty sure there's no law about who you contact for a reference, do you know which law that is @amberee?

I recently had to give 2 references and one is a person who isn't directly employed by my old employer and certainly doesn't have an HR department, how would a law work there?

OP - I think you need to say that you won't be giving any references and definitely explain about your relative, it may well be enough for her to not pursue that application

IncyWincyGrownUp · 18/10/2017 21:21

I know you said she was thick skinned, but she seems to have armour plates!

shuggas · 18/10/2017 21:27

In the same way positive networks happen where people progress and move on, there also can be a negative, I would personally share but leave and respect any final decision without influence. I would be pissed not to have a heads up internally if a manager if there are issues and especially from someone who has insight. Others may well see it differently though x

deaddeadgood · 18/10/2017 21:33

I can't believe she put all that in writing!! Please can you provide me with a fraudulent reference ta!
Definitely tell your relative. Although without your reference she won't be getting a job anyway

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 18/10/2017 21:48

I really think I need to be honest. It's my BIL and we have a great relationship. He would be gutted if I said nothing.
Reference is an absolute no go. Haven't responded yet.
Just read her email again. Send me it first so i can make any changes!! Yeah sure thing! Fuckwit

OP posts:
RiotAndAlarum · 18/10/2017 21:54

Of course you share the information! It would be massively irresponsible not to issue a warning. They might still be able to get the second-choice (how? HOW?!) person from the interviews. Give the reference verbally if it makes you feel better/ safer.

Wallywobbles · 18/10/2017 21:54

Forward her email to BIL

RiotAndAlarum · 18/10/2017 21:56

Ohh, good idea, @Wallywobbles

ny20005 · 18/10/2017 22:01

Absolutely tell your brother in law - think I’d also be tempted to send anon message to other job too 😀

PurplePillowCase · 18/10/2017 22:05

reg reference, tell her that you need to ask hr as per policy.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 18/10/2017 22:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

thatdearoctopus · 18/10/2017 22:07

You owe absolutely nothing to CF, but everything to your (nice) BIL.

afrikat · 18/10/2017 22:10

I don't think there is any ethical dilemma here. You can definitely warn your BIL of her work ethic and attitude. If he then chooses to interview / hire her he still can - but at least he'll have an honest 'reference'

BakedBeans47 · 18/10/2017 22:33

Companies aren’t allowed to give a bad reference but basic one with just dates of employment speaks volumes

Companies are allowed to give bad references as long as they are true. Many companies now just give dates of employment references. My last (large) employer made tens of thousands people redundant over the last few years and that’s all they give as a reference.

Great update OP am so glad the cheeky entitled fucker had her comeuppance. She’s bloody lucky she wasn’t dismissed for gross misconduct and her parting email was just pathetic. Plenty of those of us with kids still manage to prioritise family and make a decent go at the job that puts food on our tables.

BakedBeans47 · 18/10/2017 22:35

Oh and OP I would tell your relative. You owe this arsehole fuck all.

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 18/10/2017 22:48

So am i OK to share with my BIL without being viewed as a complete bitch?
I'm feeling it's the right thing to do for the best of the organisation and people who rely on it.
I shall send my response about the reference tomorrow.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 18/10/2017 22:52

I'd forward any request to management

It's not your place unless it's a personal reference and even then you can decline

BIL I would have a quiet word and say there was an issue with time keeping and lack of work ethic - but not in writing!!

AnathemaPulsifer · 18/10/2017 22:52

Hell yes! Definitely wouldn't earn her you're going to be honest when asked for references though, she'll just ask someone else.

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