Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
quizqueen · 03/09/2017 01:28

Can't think of any reason why any 9-11 year old should need a personal smart phone (they also probably can't pay for it themselves) as they should always be under suitable adult supervision at that age!

SkylarFalls · 03/09/2017 01:28

I don't think so. The result is she would go back to sleep or come home. No big deal

no big deal to you, but that's only from the point of view of your convenience

You've created a situation where a 9 yr old is feeling compelled to use their phone at 2am, that's kinda a big deal. It's a problem not a solution.

SkylarFalls · 03/09/2017 01:30

Any suggestions?

it depends on her particular anxieties, but I have a feeling you're just challenging me to replace one quick fix with another rather than looking to actually do the work...

BackieJerkhart · 03/09/2017 01:32

No big deal

For you maybe. The host family may not appreciate being woken at 2am to sit with your child until you arrived to collect her.

Tinkerbec · 03/09/2017 01:35

Not true at all.

Do the work? How patronising. I would do anything for my child not to feel like that.

Count yourself lucky that your children don't have this problem but then guess you have put the work in eh.

Again let's agree to disagree as this is not helping the op.
Plus I best get to sleep incase I get that 2am text! 😜

Tinkerbec · 03/09/2017 01:37

No big deal

For you maybe. The host family may not appreciate being woken at 2am to sit with your child until you arrived to collect her.

Seriously!!!

I would not have a sleepover if I did not expect issues like this. Surely, even the no phones parents agree!

I am out! Too much crazy tonight.

SkylarFalls · 03/09/2017 01:38

For you maybe. The host family may not appreciate being woken at 2am to sit with your child until you arrived to collect her

as a host I'ld feel a bit worried if the first I heard of a problem is from a mum on her way to pick up one of the girls!

I'ld like to think that the girls who stay at mine are encouraged to come to me if there's a problem. But if their parents are telling them to skip straight to ringing them that's a bit like implying to the girl that you shouldn't go to SkylarFallsKid's mum if you are unhappy/upset/need something!

Saying "call me if you're not okay" = saying "the person who'll care is a car journey away" - rather than reassure them that the host parent will care and try to help and will call me if you still want to come home after seeing if they can help!

SkylarFalls · 03/09/2017 01:41

I would not have a sleepover if I did not expect issues like this

I expect drop off parents to tell their kids that I'm there if they need anything (including a phone call to mum/dad).

If they're encouraging their kids to ring them and not come to me… then they probably shouldn't be dropping their kids at mine for the night since they're basically telling the kid "your on your own unless you phone me to get you!"

Tinkerbec · 03/09/2017 01:43

I tell my daughter to wake to the host.

I would not text them myself.

SkylarFalls · 03/09/2017 01:48

but that's after you've already arranged to pick her up!

that's not cool!
To be woken up to "my mum's on her way" and trying to back track to figure out what went on!

BackieJerkhart · 03/09/2017 01:48

I am out! Too much crazy tonight.

Yes take it with you when you go please .

user1489675144 · 03/09/2017 01:49

Why do 8 - 11 year olds need phones.... in emergency parent calls you..

seriously why do parents give phones to kids so young... is it just laziness or keeping up with what others do or babysitter as in kids glued to phoned so no need to bother...

why?

YABVU - why should parents leave phones with children at a sleepover...how will they sleep with those things on all night

BackieJerkhart · 03/09/2017 01:51

I would not have a sleepover if I did not expect issues like this. Surely, even the no phones parents agree!

If a child wakes from a bad dream or can't sleep and needs some reassurance or feels unwell then sure you don't mind being up but if it's because they've been trained to wake up at 2am to decide whether they want to go home or not? Er yeah I'd be pissed off and if I knew it was likely before hand I would suggest they wait until they were a bit older to come for a sleepover.

MaisyPops · 03/09/2017 01:52

It's a sleepover. (Not going to go down the obvious questions about why a primary aged child requires access to their own smartphone 24/7)

Cut the cord a little. If you trust the host family to have your child sleep then it's their house their rules. If there is an issue they will sort it.

Saying this because we do school residentials and have to spell out to parents that we wont be acceptimg kids glued to phones. If theres an issue, call the school mobile and we'll sort it because they'll sit fretting that timmy hasn't text them back because he is actually enjoying himself. Whislt there's obvious benefits, I cant help vut think I enjoyed my childhood having a bit of freedom

Tinkerbec · 03/09/2017 01:53

Today 01:48 SkylarFalls

but that's after you've already arranged to pick her up!

that's not cool!
To be woken up to "my mum's on her way" and trying to back track to figure out what went on!

God no!

I would say wake them see if you can get back to sleep then call if can't.
I would not arrange anything until I can speak to the parent.

Nuttynoo · 03/09/2017 01:55

No phones/tablets at sleepovers at mine either. They all get locked in a drawer at night, as have had instances of a few bad eggs accessing porn and horror vids. All parents know the law at my house, and I wouldn't have kids over who couldn't do it. As much as I'm sorry your kid has anxiety, it's not the host's problem. You need to stop him from going to sleepovers until he can handle it. Part of parenting is saying no!!

Tinkerbec · 03/09/2017 01:55

Today 01:48 BackieJerkhart

I am out! Too much crazy tonight.

Yes take it with you when you go please .

I can't I don't take what is not mine.

BackieJerkhart · 03/09/2017 01:56

Grin are you still here?

Tinkerbec · 03/09/2017 01:58

Yes waiting for my 2am text three minutes to go. 😜

BackieJerkhart · 03/09/2017 02:02

you genuinely are aren't you? Grin

SkylarFalls · 03/09/2017 02:04

I would say wake them see if you can get back to sleep then call if can't.
You need to help her to realise that she can do that herself without phoning you. If you need to be phoned the host will phone you. Reaching for your phone at night can quickly become addictive (and her not doing it when exhausted from jet lag is not proof that she is immune to this!) and compulsive!

You've actually disempowered her by having her phone you rather than think on her feet and that'll just make her a more and more anxious person. Tell her that you trust her to decide if she needs to wake hosts on sleepovers and stop this 2am "stay or go" phone check-in thing!

Tinkerbec · 03/09/2017 02:04

No just severally jet lagged unfortunately.

Tinkerbec · 03/09/2017 02:07

To be fair she hasn't tonight. So I am hoping this is the end of it.
There has been occasions where I have been asleep and missed it. The host has rang me.
It depends on if she finds the Dads scary or not.

I know some dd friends do get shy of their husbands.

BackieJerkhart · 03/09/2017 02:09

Oh god are teaching her to be scared of men too?

Tinkerbec · 03/09/2017 02:12

🙄

Swipe left for the next trending thread