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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not wanting to stop over at my in-laws?

262 replies

Lauraw1989 · 02/09/2017 16:09

Hi Ladies,

My MIL thinks I'm being unreasonable because I don't want to stop over at her house (who are a 20 minute drive away) with my 1 month year old baby so my hubby don't have to drive and he can stay up with them and have a few drinks.

We have a house cat so I worry about him being on his own overnight. Plus I just want to be in my own bed and to put my baby asleep in my own house.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TwitterQueen1 · 02/09/2017 17:45

Some of your posts almost make it sound as if you think your DH either has or may develop a drinking problem.

Really???? Where on earth do you get this from Across? This is way off-piste.

stitchglitched · 02/09/2017 17:46

'Well no. But I might if he wanted to spend the evening with parents.'

Then they can take the OP up on her offer of them visiting her surely, rather than expecting OP to be inconvenienced when she has just had a baby.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/09/2017 17:47

If you don't want to stay I'd expect you to find your own way home.

With a 4 week old baby, for the sake of you taking them?

Nice.

Shoxfordian · 02/09/2017 17:48

I think you seem quite controlling

What's wrong with having a takeaway and a drink then staying over? Sounds alright to me

Chillyegg · 02/09/2017 17:52

Today 17:23 Lauraw1989

I think if I let it go the once it will be an all the time thing. She always invites us round for a takeaway and drinks. I said to my DP can't we just go round for a coffee or Sunday lunch he said that's boring.

I think YABU. I get it if the house was the main reason but I do think it's about being a touch spiteful to your mil. I think it's lovely to spend time with family and a nice night in with a takeaway sounds great!
I also don't the problem with sleepovers at grandmas. It's a lovely childhood experience to stay at grandmas and have treats and all that palava. Ok 1 month old is young and I'd of not been away from dd that young but now she's 2 and I was single mum for most of this 2 years the odd sleep over at grandmas was a welcome break for me.
I think as sc get older it's a responsibility to enrich our children's lives and extended family can do that.
Also you don't get to dictate your partners sociale calendar. If you said he did what you did we'd all. E screaming leave the bastard from the rafters.

tossmeacigarette · 02/09/2017 17:53

I think at four weeks i was massively sleep deprived, breast feeding was still a struggle and I'd have cried if I'd had to go home on my own while exH stayed out drinking. With DS2 I went on holiday, took things in my stride more. OP I think it's ok to say what you need right now. Being a new mum can be a vulnerable time.

My stbx-in-laws bought a cot and car seat etc when DS1 was born. I thought it was really sweet. FIL could be a pain and occasionally overbearing but I'm not perfect either. Doting grandparents can be a good thing.

Depends on what your relationship is like. You may be glad of that cot one day. I used to take DS1 up for a nap when we visited and have a sneaky sleep myself in the spare room beside his cot. I'd be sent upstairs with a cuppa and a wink that I could have a little lie down if I needed it.

I remember once I had a terrible headache and getting a train to in-laws. They took DS1 off me and I went to bed. I only got up when it was time to go home.

I'm just reminiscing now.

Re the driving, best thing I ever did was to learn. But DS1 was a year old before I started lessons I don't think I could have concentrated well before then. So I wouldn't worry about it just yet.

ShotsFired · 02/09/2017 17:59

Only on MN is a couple of leisurely drinks over an evening equal to getting totally blotto, and then .... won't somebody think of the children?!?! [handwringing and smelling salts aplenty]

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 02/09/2017 18:02

My MIL is a nightmare she stays up until 3 in the morning drinking

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 02/09/2017 18:05

Based on the OP's other threads the baby is a month old and there have been several MIL issues during the pregnancy.

Bumdishcloths · 02/09/2017 18:06

I can't imagine wanting to stay overnight, unplanned, with a month old baby. Post partum bleeding, breastfeeding, night waking etc etc. Regardless of where, in laws or not. Bollocks to it, tbh. YANBU

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 02/09/2017 18:10

You are definitely not being unreasonable, in my eyes. You have a tiny baby, and home is the place to be, with everything at hand, for you both.
However, there is nothing to stop your husband from being with his family, and getting a taxi home.

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2017 18:11

Oh yes, I forgot. Mumsnetters are leaking from every orifice for months after giving birth......

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2017 18:11

No way would I be hanging around somewhere where the host got pissed and didn't go to bed till 3am. Does she or your partner have issues around alcohol?

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2017 18:12

Bertrand

I was leaking for at least 6 weeks. Is that not normal then?

tossmeacigarette · 02/09/2017 18:16

Oh yes, I forgot. Mumsnetters are leaking from every orifice for months after giving birth......

What a rude dismissive attitude. Can a woman not be given some consideration and care in the early stages of looking after a tiny baby without such derision?

BenLui · 02/09/2017 18:19

Laura why do you both have to stay? Why can't you go home and your DH stay?

RebeccaWrongDaily · 02/09/2017 18:25

the baby's a month old, cut the OP some slack.

I probably wouldn't be establishing it as a thing we do regularly though. If your grown adult husband wants to stop up alnight caning beers with his mum he can do, you don't have to lie upstairs listening to it and having to put up with the rancid stench of beer all night.

Notreallyarsed · 02/09/2017 18:25

tossmeacigarette ffs one night when you've just had a baby isn't the end of the world (assuming there are no medical conditions involved). Consideration is a bit ironic given that OP is determined to stop her DP going to see his parents. It works both ways you know.

Pooshweens · 02/09/2017 18:27

Not U, I wouldn't want to stay over. That would annoy me!

Can't he or you get a cab?

farfarawayfromhome · 02/09/2017 18:27

My DD fed every one or two hours through the night when she was the same age. No way would I want to be up and down in someone else's house doing that.

YANBU.

Whosthemummynow · 02/09/2017 18:29

Pretty sure I remember a previous post of yours OP

Don't much like your mother in law do you?

PotteringAlong · 02/09/2017 18:31

OP you're not answering the question- why can't you get a taxi?

If you book it for (for example) 10pm before you go then you've got a time to be home. MiL staying up until 3am is irrelevant because you won't be there. It's also irrelevant because she's a grown adult and can go to bed whatever time she likes.

Cobblersandhogwash · 02/09/2017 18:31

Yanbu. I loathe staying at other people's houses.

Get a cab. Go home. Get comfy.

You don't have to do everything together.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 02/09/2017 18:31

Why can't your DH run you home and then go back, get pissed and stay at his parents?

Is it because this is all about your MIL having your DC to stay at her house?

You told her when she bought a cot that you did not need her to have the baby overnight, and she has ignored you and within a month is putting pressure on you and your husband to let the baby sleep in her house.
This is for no one's benefit but hers.

I wouldn't stay because I would be concerned she would try to 'help' with the baby in the night, or lift him out of the cot when he's sleeping. It's not much fun having a baby stay the night if you can't play with them, after all.
But if she drinks until 3 in the morning no way can you let her be in the same house as the baby, all it takes is for her to want to cuddle him and she could easily drop and injure him. People who drink heavily and young babies don't mix well.

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2017 18:36

"What a rude dismissive attitude. Can a woman not be given some consideration and care in the early stages of looking after a tiny baby without such derision?"

She hasn't said anything about her health, any issues with looking after the baby or feeding or anything like that. If she had, then I would be the first to say she should go home and her dp should go with her. tht is not what this thread is about.

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