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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not wanting to stop over at my in-laws?

262 replies

Lauraw1989 · 02/09/2017 16:09

Hi Ladies,

My MIL thinks I'm being unreasonable because I don't want to stop over at her house (who are a 20 minute drive away) with my 1 month year old baby so my hubby don't have to drive and he can stay up with them and have a few drinks.

We have a house cat so I worry about him being on his own overnight. Plus I just want to be in my own bed and to put my baby asleep in my own house.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Liadain · 02/09/2017 17:09

You 'let' him do things? He's a grown man.

Controlling, controlling, controlling...if your dh wants to stay on and you don't, get a taxi.

Nothing wrong with having a few drinks, that doesn't mean you get hammered.

Whosthemummynow · 02/09/2017 17:10

Is the baby 1 month or 1 year?? Not that it makes much difference as YABU

TidyDancer · 02/09/2017 17:11

OP why can't you get a taxi home if staying there bothers you that much?

I do think YABU. If you don't want to stay, that's fine, but you don't get to make all the decisions for your DH too. I do think you're going to seem rude if you go home though. I suspect it's less about the state of the house and more you being a bit spiteful because MIL is excited about having your DS stay the night. There's nothing wrong with that, he's her grandson.

Personally for one night I'd suck it up and stay. I don't see the big deal myself.

RebeccaWrongDaily · 02/09/2017 17:13

pointless load of effort for a sleepover you don't want or need. i'd be taking the baby home and leaving dp there gladly i think.Do it with grace though.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/09/2017 17:17

Learn to drive. The amount of freedom it gives you is invaluable. In this situation you could have said "Right, I'm off home with the car then. Your parents/A taxi can bring you home tomorrow" or "I'll come pick you up tomorrow when it's convenient for me". Although in your situation my MiL probably would have offered to drive me home in their car and stayed to fix me hot milk and then tucked both DC and me in bed before driving home. She was lovely.

In your reality though, I probably would have taken a taxi home if I was that dead set against staying. I understand the desire for one's own bed. However, staying at my MiL's would have been nice as she was never overbearing or controlling. She was a true gem and I still miss her, though she's been gone 20 years now.

greendale17 · 02/09/2017 17:22

YABU- would you have the same reaction if it was your parents house?

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 02/09/2017 17:23

I think if I let it go the once it will be an all the time thing. She always invites us round for a takeaway and drinks. I said to my DP can't we just go round for a coffee or Sunday lunch he said that's boring.

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 02/09/2017 17:26

Why can't you understand it's not within your control if he wants to spend time with his parents?

HurriedLovey · 02/09/2017 17:28

Can you clarify the age of the baby?

rookiemere · 02/09/2017 17:29

What did you do before the baby arrived when you went to theirs ? Did you stay over then when you went or did DP stay sober?

TittyGolightly · 02/09/2017 17:30

Change of clothes and happy changing stuff. .....,

Hammock, breast pump (i exclusively expressed), bottles and sterilising stuff, pram, sling, toys........

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/09/2017 17:31

Repost this in relationships OP, you will get more measured responses there.

Its only a matter of time before someone posts about how they went to live in a yurt for 3 weeks with no running water when their baby was hours old while their husband went on a bender and they were fine with it....... Hmm

GreenTulips · 02/09/2017 17:32

It never bodes well when one partner forces the other to do what they want all the time

Agree - DP shouldn't make OP stay over if she doesn't want to. Nothing wrong with her wanting her own bed. Nothing wrong with turning down an invite either

Few weeks after birth is bloody knackering - I doubt OP will be much company anyway

fuzzywuzzy · 02/09/2017 17:32

Can he not go alone?

liquidrevolution · 02/09/2017 17:33

So he goes by himself. Or you invite them to you.

I also have a MIL who is insistent that DD stays over. HmmThey live 10 mins away and frankly i cant see the fuss is about with grandchildren staying over. DH also agrees.

Its fun to watch MIL froth at the mouth not getting her own way. Grin

Notreallyarsed · 02/09/2017 17:33

GreenTulips he's not forcing her? She's adamant that because she doesn't want to stay, he can't either. If it was all the time I'd agree she had a right to be pissed off, but one night having a couple of drinks with his parents?

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2017 17:34

"I wouldn't be staying away from home with a tiny baby just to facilitate my partner getting pissed"

Well no. But I might if he wanted to spend thee evening with his parents.

But the OP obviously wants to put her mil in her place, so hey ho. I'm sure the Mumsnet Massive will be around to tell her that her do needs to cut the apron strings and a 30 minute visit every 6 months will

AcrossthePond55 · 02/09/2017 17:34

Some of your posts almost make it sound as if you think your DH either has or may develop a drinking problem.

When my DC were little I was pretty much tee-total. DH wasn't but the amount of drinking he did wasn't a concern to me. Do you think your DH is drinking too much? How much is 'too much'? Is that something you feel worried about? Is that your real concern?

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2017 17:34

"Its fun to watch MIL froth at the mouth not getting her own way. grin"

How horrible.

Notreallyarsed · 02/09/2017 17:36

I thought so too Bertrand

Doglikeafox · 02/09/2017 17:39

I don't think you're unreasonable to not want to stay... a little un-compromising maybe but not unreasonable. I wouldn't expect you to insist your husband drives you home either though. If you don't want to stay I'd expect you to find your own way home.

GreenTulips · 02/09/2017 17:40

Pap hasn't once said he can't stay or go - she said

My MIL thinks I'm being unreasonable because I don't want to stop over at her house

Nowhere did she say DH couldn't

Notreallyarsed · 02/09/2017 17:43

GreenTulips then why won't she get a taxi home or ask him to drop her off before going to his parents alone?

Mittens1969 · 02/09/2017 17:43

You need to decide what you want to do, OP. You can get a taxi home with your DS, but you can't stop your DP from staying over with his parents. He can make his own choices.

But it might be nice to stay over as well. Your puss will be fine, honest.

Bluntness100 · 02/09/2017 17:44

I think it's ok to want to spend the evening with his parents getting a takeaway and having a few drinks. Just get a taxi back. I'm not getting why it's such s big deal, it's only twenty mins, is there financial concerns?