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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not wanting to stop over at my in-laws?

262 replies

Lauraw1989 · 02/09/2017 16:09

Hi Ladies,

My MIL thinks I'm being unreasonable because I don't want to stop over at her house (who are a 20 minute drive away) with my 1 month year old baby so my hubby don't have to drive and he can stay up with them and have a few drinks.

We have a house cat so I worry about him being on his own overnight. Plus I just want to be in my own bed and to put my baby asleep in my own house.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 02/09/2017 16:40

"t sounds as though this was pre planned so MIL could get her wish of having DS stay overnight"

Jesus - how do you feel about the moon landings?

happypoobum · 02/09/2017 16:41

Bertrand What moon landings? Grin

chocatoo · 02/09/2017 16:41

Order a taxi...but I would strongly suggest that if possible you learn to drive so you can do your share of the driving (I believe that if you are always dependant on others, even your husband, for a lift, you are always on the back foot).

GreenTulips · 02/09/2017 16:41

She is grandma - you know all year -

Get a taxi or take the pram and walk home - leave him there

Whinesalot · 02/09/2017 16:41

Let him go on his own if he is that bothered.

What does he actually want to do? Will you stay over when the baby is older? If you have no intention of ever staying then that is a bit unreasonable.

ijustwannadance · 02/09/2017 16:42

It's 20 bloody minutes away. I hate staying anywhere but no way would I stay if that close.
Either he takes you home or book a bloody taxi. Simple.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 02/09/2017 16:45

Plus I don't see the point of getting drunk anymore. Spending time with my child is more important than staying up drinking

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 02/09/2017 16:46

Well, you don't have to stay up, do you?

stitchglitched · 02/09/2017 16:47

The ILs can take up OP's invitation to visit her home instead so her husband can have a few drinks if it isn't about them wanting the baby to stay at theirs overnight. Seems a bit unfair that the person who recently gave birth and a new baby should be disrupted instead.

grannytomine · 02/09/2017 16:48

Lauraw are you happy for him to stay and you to go home or do you want him to go home with you?

PotteringAlong · 02/09/2017 16:49

It's not mutually exclusive- you don't never get to see your children because you have a drink one night. Get a taxi. Learn to drive.

LaContessaDiPlump · 02/09/2017 16:49

Well, you get a taxi and then sit at home staring at your baby adoringly while your DH spends time with his parents. Surely that solves the problem?

ShotsFired · 02/09/2017 16:51

Why don't you go home and leave baby and husband with the inlaws?

stitchglitched · 02/09/2017 16:53

OP probably doesn't want to be away from her 4 week old baby overnight, or leave them in the care of people who are drinking.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 02/09/2017 16:55

Plus I don't see the point of getting drunk anymore. Spending time with my child is more important than staying up drinking

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 02/09/2017 16:55

Can't see the issue here really

I think you need to relax a bit op

Notreallyarsed · 02/09/2017 16:58

OP, with respect, you sound in danger of becoming controlling. I understand your priorities have changed, and that's fine, but he's a grown man who can make his own decisions. It never bodes well when one partner forces the other to do what they want all the time. It's stifling, and not a nice atmosphere.

TwitterQueen1 · 02/09/2017 17:01

'Getting drunk' is not the same as having a few drinks. When one drink (if any at all) is all that anyone would risk I don't see what's so unreasonable about wanting to relax over a couple of glasses of wine.

reallyanotherone · 02/09/2017 17:01

Has the mil rejected the taxi home solution then?

Other alternative is to send your dh on his own for evening visits, and restrict your visits to daytime.

Some grandparents can be odd about this sort of stuff. My mil was also determined to have dc sleepover for some reason, when we lived 10mins away.

BenLui · 02/09/2017 17:02

I agree baby before drinking, but that doesn't mean your DH can't stay as an occasional thing.

Is there a reason that you don't drive? Because if not I'd highly recommend that you learn. Otherwise now you have a DC you regularly will end up frustrationed and needing your DH to drive you places.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2017 17:03

No way Shotsfired would I have left my one month old with people, who'd been drinking. I was bfing at the time anyway.

I do agree with you about being at home in your bed and if he wants to drink, I'd leave him to it on his own. I'm struggling with the concept of giving a grown man permission to do stuff though.

NicolasFlamel · 02/09/2017 17:04

Now you seem really unreasonable. There's nothing wrong with him having a drink with his parents. He's hardly swinging off a chandelier in Vegas. As for "letting" him go out.. I wont even get started.

ckkj · 02/09/2017 17:06

I think it all depends on your reasons for not wanting to stay over.

Personally, 4 weeks post birth I would just want the comfort of my house - especially if you still have postpartum bleeding and/or trying to establish breastfeeding. I think you have been fair in offering for your in-laws to come to you so they can still achieve what they want.

Alternative is you all go, but you then get a taxi home.

My hubby didn't want to go out when our lo was born but it did get to the stage where I had to tell him he needed to go out so he got his own space too. Sometimes when a baby is born the focus is on the mother and child so it might be good for him to have his parents focussing on him?

Is this your first child?

Candlemiss · 02/09/2017 17:08

I wouldn't be staying away from home with a tiny baby just to facilitate my partner getting pissed

Nor me. I'd get a taxi if I could afford it. If not I'd stay home.

jaseyraex · 02/09/2017 17:09

Can't he go on his own and stay over? I don't really understand the issue. Don't go if you don't want to. (Also the cat would be totally fine on its own for a night if you did go, just saying).

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