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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should i make her a cake?

181 replies

Tatiannatomasina · 31/08/2017 14:49

I work as a chef and whenever it is a special occasion or birthday for one of my collegues i bake them a cake. I only do this for the kitchen staff and managers as we are a close knit team and spend alot of time together. I never do it for front of house waitressing staff as they tend to come and go and we dont spend much time with them, i dont really know any of them. I pay for everything out of my own pocket and do it all in my own time because i enjoy it and it makes my collegues happy.
One waitress shares a birthday with one of the managers who i like very much and consider a friend. The waitress knowing i make cakes for birthdays told me she wanted a 3 tier cake for her birthday.i was a bit 😯 as no one has ever expected me to do it, i just like surprising them. I really wanted to make a cake for my manager but not this waitress. She has been told by another member of staff i dont do it for front of house staff and has approached me this evening telling me she is very disappointed with me. It was said in a serious way. I was shocked by her attitude and jokingly said maybe the manager will cut hers in half and share it with you. I actually wish i had said something alot stronger.
She has really taken the shine off something that i loved doing. When ever i make a cake we share it with everyone at work so she has always been given a piece. I now feel uncomfortable and dont know if i should just stop doing this or aibu just making a cake for my manager?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2017 19:12

Your bosses are being very cheeky, and adopting this as a company thing, so they don't have to pay. This is coming out of your pocket, so its your cake to choose when to give. I would tell them that, and be firm, if they want to present staff with birthday cakes, you are happy to bake them, at X price.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2017 19:14

These cakes you bake, are gifts to your friends, not a company thing. I would also explain to the waitress that, and explain the situation. You pay for them, and you bake them for your friends at work, this is not a company thing. As you don't know her, you won't be baking one. Mabey they should all chip in an do something for people's birthday front of house.

FlaviaAlbia · 31/08/2017 19:19

Ooops, my last totally random yet slightly related post was on the wrong thread Blush

KinkyAfro · 31/08/2017 19:35

Is CFW even intending on sharing the cake at work or taking it away to share with friends/family?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 31/08/2017 20:13

Hang on, I've just clocked something. CFW wanted a 3 TIER cake? Like a wedding cake?? As opposed to a triple layer cake?

Please tell me I'm wrong - no one could be that entitled!

TitaniasCloset · 31/08/2017 20:41

Even if a good friend did decide to bake me I cake, as a birthday present, I can't imagine telling them what I would want without being asked.

The more I think about it the more shocked I am with this waitress.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 31/08/2017 20:59

@Paddington68, top post ! 😂😂😂🍷

InvisibleCities · 31/08/2017 21:03

Unless you really love doing it, I would just stop altogether. It's totally ridiculous for anyone to think you should spend your time and money being a one-woman bakery for 25+ people. That's an average of a cake a fortnight, right?!

Speak to your manager friend (and drop a quick email to the owners) explaining why. They will have to put something else in place instead, it's not your problem.

InvisibleCities · 31/08/2017 21:14

it seems very mean to only do it for some and not all particularly with the speeches and singing. I've worked as a waitress and some of the waiting staff had been there a long time, one for 19 years! That would be a long time to be excluded. I would find it worse to have to watch the singing and have some cake if I knew that I would never have that as well!!

But surely if you all felt strongly about that, you would arrange your own celebrations? The OP is not the only cake maker in the world. And I don't get the impression that wait staff are forbidden to celebrate their birthdays. I do agree though that turning it into a full house celebration was a mis-step by the owners. They have also taken advantage of the OPs generosity.

On the topic of doing it for some and not for all - does anyone bake the OP a cake on her birthday?

Original poster
Tatiannatomasina · 01/09/2017 00:17

Three of my kitchen colleagues made me cakes on my birthday. I shared them with everyone. No one from front of house did. I would never expect anyone to do anything, I was touched that my colleages went to the effort as i dont bake to get anything in return, i just enjoy it.

OP posts:
JustheJules · 01/09/2017 00:29

Make her a cupcake Wink

TitaniasCloset · 01/09/2017 00:31

Have you spoken to any other colleague about this? I'm just interested in hearing their take on her.

kali110 · 01/09/2017 02:24

Yanbu!
You are giving your friends a gift, the gift happens to be a cake.
Would people actually suggest you buy her present?
Why is it different becauae its a cake?
You are not singling one person out here.
Also, everyone is sharing the cakes anyway!
No, i would not bake her a cake, nor would i change what you are doing!

Original poster
Tatiannatomasina · 01/09/2017 03:35

Personally she is not my cup of tea. I know several members of staff who dislike her, also some who do like her. She is quite loud and says it like it is. Its funny as when front of house get together for drinks or go to yoga together i am not invited and dont expect to be, she knows nothing about me, we dont speak about anythig except work, she is not a friend and doesn't treat me like one so why the expectation ?

OP posts:
deliverdaniel · 01/09/2017 04:02

haven't RTFT- sorry. She sounds really entitled and unpleasant BUT it would be mean to make a cake for one and celebrate with them on their birthday and leave out another employee whose birthday is on the same day.

I think make the cake you were going to make and say it's a joint cake for both of them. Anything else will leave a bad taste.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/09/2017 06:16

Stop tying yourself up in knots. Many people have said the owners created this situation, not you.

Are you going to bake the cake and give it to your manager before from if house arrive?

WooWooSister · 01/09/2017 06:41

The expectation comes from the cake being presented in front of all staff. I understand you don't want to make cakes for waiting staff but it's blatantly obvious where the expectation has come from.
You've inadvertently started a tradition that has grown and grown. It's time for you to decide what to do about it but tbh you should have been rethinking it without the waitress pulling you up. The current system sends a message that random holidays are more important than FOH staff. That isn't a recipe for a happy work place.

Amanduh · 01/09/2017 07:43

Well, I can see her point. She doesn't have a right to demand anything, that's cheeky. What you are doing is lovely, but if all the staff get together and sing and celebrate and bring out a cake for everyones birthday whilst ignoring the wait staff, no wonder they feel shit. Not your fault, but thats horrible.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 01/09/2017 10:03

I agree with practically everyone else - this is a problem created by the owners. I think you need to let the owners know about this request so that they can (a) manage her expectations [i.e. explain to her why you won't be making her a cake] and (b) why you'll be going back to doing this before work, when it's just your 'crew' around.

It would be nice if you made a point of wishing her a happy birthday.

Is she quite young? Just thinking about myself, when I was [a lot] younger, I didn't really 'get' how workplaces worked. When I was 15 one of my first jobs was a waitress, and at my interview the manager said to me something along the lines of how she always steps in and helps. Cue one busy Saturday, I asked her to take some plates out as they were waiting and I had my hands full (and she was floating round doing naff-all as always!). Unsurprisingly, she ripped me a new one. But I was REALLY shocked at the time because she'd TOLD me she mucked in. I've learned to keep it zipped since!
So just wondering if she's a bit young and clueless?

HiJenny35 · 01/09/2017 11:12

I think it's rude of you to make for some and not others, it causes clear clicks in the work place. I've made cakes for people before and handmade gifts for people at work however I've always given it to them at the end of the day so that they take it home with them and it doesn't offend anyone. If it's a friendship thing it should be outside of work, if it's for everyone then it should be in work time. She sounds rude and might just be a cheeky mare but that doesn't mean it's not actually hurting others feelings.

MrsOverTheRoad · 01/09/2017 11:24

All this talk of "departments" doesn't really wash when it's a restaurant!

I worked in an upmarket restaurant and every day, ALL staff were expected to sit together and eat...it was better that way. We all got to know one another.

In an office, departments are truly separate.

Columbine1 · 01/09/2017 11:30

HiJenny but using cakes is not the OPs JOB! Where would this end?! From yr post I assume you don't make cakes/give gifts to all yr colleagues so why should the OP?

OP if yr management wants to make a thing of birthdays, they should ask you to make cakes in work time & provide the ingredients.

Columbine1 · 01/09/2017 11:31

Baking not using cakes [embarrassed]

RyanStartedTheFire · 01/09/2017 11:32

The answer is simply to do it outside of work hours if you're not going to include everyone. Don't stop doing it but stop doing it in front of other people.

grandOlejukeofYork · 01/09/2017 11:33

I worked in an upmarket restaurant and every day, ALL staff were expected to sit together and eat...it was better that way. We all got to know one another

You know there is a small chance that the OP does not work in the same restaurant as you do, and that things work differently in different places!