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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should i make her a cake?

181 replies

Tatiannatomasina · 31/08/2017 14:49

I work as a chef and whenever it is a special occasion or birthday for one of my collegues i bake them a cake. I only do this for the kitchen staff and managers as we are a close knit team and spend alot of time together. I never do it for front of house waitressing staff as they tend to come and go and we dont spend much time with them, i dont really know any of them. I pay for everything out of my own pocket and do it all in my own time because i enjoy it and it makes my collegues happy.
One waitress shares a birthday with one of the managers who i like very much and consider a friend. The waitress knowing i make cakes for birthdays told me she wanted a 3 tier cake for her birthday.i was a bit 😯 as no one has ever expected me to do it, i just like surprising them. I really wanted to make a cake for my manager but not this waitress. She has been told by another member of staff i dont do it for front of house staff and has approached me this evening telling me she is very disappointed with me. It was said in a serious way. I was shocked by her attitude and jokingly said maybe the manager will cut hers in half and share it with you. I actually wish i had said something alot stronger.
She has really taken the shine off something that i loved doing. When ever i make a cake we share it with everyone at work so she has always been given a piece. I now feel uncomfortable and dont know if i should just stop doing this or aibu just making a cake for my manager?

OP posts:
oldlaundbooth · 31/08/2017 15:43

To put it bluntly she's a feckin chancer.

Make the cake for your manager, not her.

Laiste · 31/08/2017 15:45

How about having a word with management and saying that you've been asked to make a cake for one of the waiting staff for free.

You could suggest that on the (presumably rare as they come and go) occasions that one of the waiting staff has a birthday there the management stump up for the ingredients of the cake and you will bake it in work hours. Say that for the permanent staff you are happy to go on doing it as a gift.

If they say yes you can begin with this member of staff.

otterlynutty · 31/08/2017 15:47

Get her a moonpig card with a picture of a 3 tiered cake on it.

Please do this Cake

Feilin · 31/08/2017 15:47

Honestly excluding front of house staff or indeed any staff looks bad. Yes its a nice thing you do but it does look like a deliberate exclusion/clique if you will. Im not surprised she fronted it out to ask you , they've likely been talking about it amongst themselves and shes decided to be deliberately cheeky to prove some kind of point. Sorry but its how it would look to me and my co-workers if it was us.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/08/2017 15:49

I think she's very rude.

She's asked you for a cake - tell her how much it will cost her for you to produce her a 3-tier cake. See if she still wants it then, and make sure that if she does, you get the money up-front.

wiltingfast · 31/08/2017 15:50

Are you SURE she wasn't joking? It sounds like she was joking to me...

MargaretCavendish · 31/08/2017 15:51

OP, when you do this birthday cake celebrations, are the waiting staff present? I really think that if it's just you 'core' staff members you should do it privately, out of work time. If you're making all the staff sing, etc. then I agree it's quite horrible to exclude one of the two staff members.

wiltingfast · 31/08/2017 15:53

If not I think you handled it as best you could and I'd ignore and carry on.

This is something you do for your own team after all. Front of house are free to create their own birthday traditions if they want.

That's all pretty normal iyam.

Mia184 · 31/08/2017 15:53

If you make her a cake, wouldn't it be unfair to the waitress whose birthday comes up next if she doesn't get a cake?

MargaretCavendish · 31/08/2017 15:57

This is something you do for your own team after all. Front of house are free to create their own birthday traditions if they want.

Again, I think this is fine if front of house aren't there when cake is cut and happy birthday sung. But reading OP's posts it sounds like the whole staff are present when she brings the cake out, in which case it is a bit shit to watch other people's birthdays being celebrated but not yours.

RyanStartedTheFire · 31/08/2017 15:57

I would do it outside of work. Any kind of exclusive birthday activities are obviously going to make people feel bad. Can't you give the cakes privately?
Definitely don't make her a cake, but I think this was doomed to create bad feeling from the onset.

d270r0 · 31/08/2017 15:57

Give the waitress a bill for the costs of the cake + labour.

Slowtrain2dawn · 31/08/2017 15:57

I think she's making a point too. I would change my routine and start making smaller affordable cakes for all maybe even formalise this and share the cake making with other kitchen staff? If you're all part of a team staff shouldn't be treated differently at work. It would be different if the cake presentation was done at a private social event, with just friends from work but this happens during work time. Sounds as though your kindness to your immeidiate colleagues could be excluding others and might effect morale.

AnUtterIdiot · 31/08/2017 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 31/08/2017 15:59

This is something you do for your own team after all. Front of house are free to create their own birthday traditions if they want

Small family business, tight knit though is what OP says. If it was a big organisation, could understand more if there was different departments etc.
In what sounds like a small kitchen environment, with waiting staff coming in and out of the kitchens for food etc, if that's the case,surely they all work together at some point?
Must be a bit shit to have your colleagues gathering round to sing happy birthday to another team member and blow the candles out on your homemade birthday cake whilst at the same time ignoring the fact it's your birthday too.

DudeHatesHisCarryOut · 31/08/2017 16:02

You don't need two three tier cakes on the same day. That's ridiculous. Surely you only need one tier altogether anyway?

If you are going to make three, could you not make two of them for your boss, and one for her? Or do four altogether, but make hers separate, but part of the whole (somehow). Then everyone, front and back staff, get together and do birthday celebrations for both at the same time.

I do understand why you've kept it to your own team up til now, and this is setting a precedent for other staff (which, I agree with pp, the business should cough up for and let you, or another chef, bake for them) but it touches a nerve. First workplace I was at one woman would always bake a cake for our birthdays. The last year I was there I was bullied, badly, by the lot of them. There was no way I was going to be there on my birthday (didn't usually worry me) and they knew I wasn't going to be there. Still, she baked me a cake on that day, they all had it, and then told me the next day how nice my cake was. Charming!

So please, try and include her somehow, though don't pander to her OTT demands.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 31/08/2017 16:03

Yeah I would feel quite excluded if a colleague and I shared a birthday and they got a giant homemade cake and I got nothing. I wouldn't be cheeky enough to have asked but I do think that the current status quo is quite divisive.

diddl · 31/08/2017 16:03

I think that she was perhaps joking but making a point also?

Perhaps they don't realise that you buy all ingredients yourself.

It is divisive though & surprised that management haven't thought that it might be nice to ask you to include the waitresses or do no one.

It's hardly a surprise for the people that you always do it for, is it.

KitKat1985 · 31/08/2017 16:04

I'm a bit on the fence on this to be honest. I mean she's definitely being a cheeky fucker asking someone she doesn't even know that well to make her a 3-tier cake. BUT, I do think I'd be really hurt and feel quite excluded from the team if me and a colleague shared a birthday but my work colleagues only celebrated that of my colleague and ignored mine. It is quite cliquey to be honest.

OrangeJulius · 31/08/2017 16:04

If the front of house staff want cakes on their birthdays, I'm sure they can organise it themselves. OP likes baking cakes and does so for her small close knit team, why on earth should she bake 25 birthday cakes, most for staff she hardly knows? It is not her responsibility to sort out everyone's birthday.

mirialis · 31/08/2017 16:07

WTF at the suggestion that OP should make 25 birthday cakes in her spare time?!?!?!

mirialis · 31/08/2017 16:09

Just carry on as normal with your team and give the waitress you barely know an extra big slice as it's also her birthday.

AnUtterIdiot · 31/08/2017 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katedotness1963 · 31/08/2017 16:13

She was cheeky to ask but it does seem a bit odd, especially in a small business, to make a fuss over one employee's birthday while ignoring another's on the same day.

user1467718508 · 31/08/2017 16:20

She's 100% being cheeky - probably because she feels slighted and is making a point of it.

As well intended as this tradition started out, unfortunately it is pretty exclusive to make a gesture for all apart from FoH.

There's already a big us vs. them culture between front and back of house, so it would be a shame to propagate it any further.

It might end up turning a lovely gesture into a toxin to the culture of your restaurant.

:(