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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should i make her a cake?

181 replies

Tatiannatomasina · 31/08/2017 14:49

I work as a chef and whenever it is a special occasion or birthday for one of my collegues i bake them a cake. I only do this for the kitchen staff and managers as we are a close knit team and spend alot of time together. I never do it for front of house waitressing staff as they tend to come and go and we dont spend much time with them, i dont really know any of them. I pay for everything out of my own pocket and do it all in my own time because i enjoy it and it makes my collegues happy.
One waitress shares a birthday with one of the managers who i like very much and consider a friend. The waitress knowing i make cakes for birthdays told me she wanted a 3 tier cake for her birthday.i was a bit 😯 as no one has ever expected me to do it, i just like surprising them. I really wanted to make a cake for my manager but not this waitress. She has been told by another member of staff i dont do it for front of house staff and has approached me this evening telling me she is very disappointed with me. It was said in a serious way. I was shocked by her attitude and jokingly said maybe the manager will cut hers in half and share it with you. I actually wish i had said something alot stronger.
She has really taken the shine off something that i loved doing. When ever i make a cake we share it with everyone at work so she has always been given a piece. I now feel uncomfortable and dont know if i should just stop doing this or aibu just making a cake for my manager?

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 31/08/2017 17:16

I also bake for halloween, christmas and holidays, perhaps thats the way forwards so no one is singled out.

That sounds like a plan. Also one place I worked did birthdays by the month. So all birthdays for August, for example, would be celebrated on one day in August.

At my current workplace, we don't do any birthday celebrating in the office. It may seem a bit birthday-Scroogish, but it avoids problems such as the OP describes.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 31/08/2017 17:16

Stick to your normal routine. Bake a cake for members of your team only, it costs you time and money, and is your gift to them, from you.
She is rude, wish her a happy birthday, that is all.

sonjadog · 31/08/2017 17:17

It does sound like this is a situation that is getting out of hand. How about you make this cake your last cake and say that from now on the traditional baking has to shared among others, or cut out completely? This is something that the managers could organize if they wanted.

Justgivemesomepeace · 31/08/2017 17:22

I think she's a cheeky entitled cow. It makes it really awkward going forward if you make her a cake as you'll feel you have to do it for everyone. It's awkward anyway as celebrating one birthday and ignoring another is not uncomfortable also. I would do 1 cake, stick a few banners up and do a card each that people can all sign. I'd say something like, done a cake for X, but made a bit of a fuss today because it's two birthdays! That way it's acknowledging both, everyone gets involved so they both feel they've had a bit of fuss made but you could continue forwards with just banners n card for people not on your team going forward? I have a box with banners etc in at work and just reuse them.

Paddington68 · 31/08/2017 17:22

As far as I am aware OP is not Sir Bob Geldof and therefore does not have the desire to feed the world.
She makes cakes for her team and managers, in her own time and with her own money.
The fact that this waitress has her birthday on the same day as the manager does not change these facts. If she wants a three-tier birthday cake maybe try M and S or get a job in the kitchen.

alltouchedout · 31/08/2017 17:24

Oh how I miss the kitchen/ wait staff divide.

Maybe from now on, keep the presenting of the cake and the singing happy birthday and soon for after the wait staff have left- sure your tight knit real team won't mind at all hanging around after hours until the wait staff have gone.

ikeadyounot · 31/08/2017 17:25

"As far as I am aware OP is not Sir Bob Geldof"

And well said that bear.

demirose87 · 31/08/2017 17:26

sounds like it was a joke about the three tier cake. If not,it was slightly rude but you can't make people feel excluded at work and to do some of the things some people have suggested on here could be seen as bullying behaviour.

Gemini69 · 31/08/2017 17:29

Nope

diddl · 31/08/2017 17:31

"then the manager could have passed it on quietly to the OP."

It's the management who started the ridiculous "get everyone together & sing" rather than just letting Op hand over her cakes as she wished.

I'm a December bday, Op-could you incorporate me into the Christmas baking?Grin

Susierocks · 31/08/2017 17:31

Of course it's up to you if or who you bake for but it seems very mean to only do it for some and not all particularly with the speeches and singing. I've worked as a waitress and some of the waiting staff had been there a long time, one for 19 years! That would be a long time to be excluded. I would find it worse to have to watch the singing and have some cake if I knew that I would never have that as well!!

SenecaFalls · 31/08/2017 17:35

diddl Ha, me, too. Maybe it's why I've never been a big person for birthdays. We December babies soon learn that it is all very much not about us. Xmas Sad

timeisnotaline · 31/08/2017 17:43

Front of house staff are very different to full time staff though. The high turnover is because that's how it works, certainly not because the op bakes cakes.

Susierocks · 31/08/2017 17:47

Can't you be a full time front of house staff? Everywhere I have waitressed has had full time and part time waiting/bar staff.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 31/08/2017 17:50

I would go and see the Owner.

Tell them you are having issues and that you cannot make a cake for everyone, so it either goes back to doing it before waitress staff arrive OR you stop doing it.

diddl · 31/08/2017 17:50

"We December babies soon learn that it is all very much not about us."

Oh dear.

I love it!

CoughLaughFart · 31/08/2017 17:52

Bake her a really crap cake and ice it with a picture of her crying - with three tears running down her cheek.

Willow2017 · 31/08/2017 18:08

Tell management to butt out.
You are not doing as a 'company thing' you are doing it for friends.
Management are trying to take the credit for it. Probably why waitress got the wrong idea from.

Start doing it just between you and your team again if management kick off do it somewhere else and tell management to get a cake in if they want everyone to be in on it and sing.

Always someone to spoil things wanting the glory.

ponderingprobably · 31/08/2017 18:09

3 x chocolate rice crispie cup cake things, in paper cases, stacked on top of each other. Serve with a smirk.

diddl · 31/08/2017 18:12

I think that I'd just do it for the occasions that you suggested in future.

Tbh the owners are the first ones that I'd want to stop doing it for.

All the names that the waitress is being called & it's the owners that have caused it by the sounds of things.

FlaviaAlbia · 31/08/2017 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cloudyapples · 31/08/2017 18:17

Could you bake a cake for your manager br give it to her outside of work?

Donttouchthethings · 31/08/2017 18:18

I think I would speak to your boss and explain the situation. If they were paying for the cake (ingredients and time) then none of this would be a problem. You could then make just one cake for both people to share and everyone to enjoy.

BubblegumFactory · 31/08/2017 18:31

What Willow2017 said.
The owners are monumental piss-takers - you spend your own money, bake a cake in your own time and give it to who you want and they try to decide how and when this 'celebration' take some place? Cheeky beggars.
I've never heard such nonsense as someone demanding a specific GIFT from a work colleague who bakes cakes for her mates on their birthday.
Is this waitress very young and spoilt?
She's a piss-taker too.
I do not understand all the responses on this thread suggesting what you do is unfair or decisive.
It's not.
Carry on with your lovely, well-intentioned baking gesture for the people YOU want to bake for.
You've known this girl 3 months, and not very well.
Wish her a cheery 'happy birthday' and that's enough.
(If someone remembered to bring in a packet of custard creams on my birthday, I'd be thrilled)

TitaniasCloset · 31/08/2017 18:56

I don't think the waitress really understands the situation, I also think you need to talk to management and explain the problem.

I can't imagine only working somewhere for 3 months and putting In a three tiered cake request though, even if she misunderstood she is still bloody rude. What's she like normally?

Management have caused this situation by hijacking what is essentially your gift to a friend. CakeCakeCakeCakeCakeCake