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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should i make her a cake?

181 replies

Tatiannatomasina · 31/08/2017 14:49

I work as a chef and whenever it is a special occasion or birthday for one of my collegues i bake them a cake. I only do this for the kitchen staff and managers as we are a close knit team and spend alot of time together. I never do it for front of house waitressing staff as they tend to come and go and we dont spend much time with them, i dont really know any of them. I pay for everything out of my own pocket and do it all in my own time because i enjoy it and it makes my collegues happy.
One waitress shares a birthday with one of the managers who i like very much and consider a friend. The waitress knowing i make cakes for birthdays told me she wanted a 3 tier cake for her birthday.i was a bit 😯 as no one has ever expected me to do it, i just like surprising them. I really wanted to make a cake for my manager but not this waitress. She has been told by another member of staff i dont do it for front of house staff and has approached me this evening telling me she is very disappointed with me. It was said in a serious way. I was shocked by her attitude and jokingly said maybe the manager will cut hers in half and share it with you. I actually wish i had said something alot stronger.
She has really taken the shine off something that i loved doing. When ever i make a cake we share it with everyone at work so she has always been given a piece. I now feel uncomfortable and dont know if i should just stop doing this or aibu just making a cake for my manager?

OP posts:

Columbine1 · 31/08/2017 16:43

Oh dear! How can you possibly make OP responsible for 25 birthday cakes?! Each one is a choice which she does in her own time & at her own expense.

I too wonder if the waitress meant it as a joke... After 3 months I wouldn't expect a cake even if I worked in the kitchen with you.

ohtheholidays · 31/08/2017 16:46

Please ignore her and anyone else that is giving you a hard time!

What you do is lovely and she was really bloody rude,who demands a cake of someone they've known for 3 months and probably spent all of a day with(when you round up the 20 minutes a day that you see her)knowing that that person pays for all of the ingredients and does it all on they're own.

Talk about acting like a spoilt brat!I hope you do make your manager a cake and ignore the spoilt waitress.No one has the right to make demands of you or to make you feel bad(of which she's done both)especially someone that you don't even know!

RhubardGin · 31/08/2017 16:46

It's bloody ridiculous that people are thinking the OP is being mean and exclusive; it's just the way the hierarchy works. I'm sure that HR aren't making cakes for the Post Room, or Lorry Drivers making cakes for the Marketing Team

Completely true. But then would HR make a cake for their team and then expect the Post Room folk to come up and sing them happy birthday?

Probably not.

WomblingThree · 31/08/2017 16:46

Fair enough RhubardGin, but then the restaurant manager or supervisor should have approached the kitchen directly - where the head chef would have explained that the OP was doing this on her own time for her own friends.

WomblingThree · 31/08/2017 16:47

Sorry - I missed the bit where everyone has to sing. That's ridiculous too. Mea culpa.

Jux · 31/08/2017 16:48

Don't make her a cake. Don't let her spoil a lovely tradition that everyone enjoys. This time you feel horrid about it, but next time won't be so bad, and the time after that you'll feel even less bad, and get the shine back.

In time, people will saying "do you remember that waitress who expected you to make a cake for her, and thought she was entitled to one?" And you'll all either have a little laugh or not remember her at all because She'll be long gone. She doesn't sound like she fits in anyway.

Original poster

Tatiannatomasina · 31/08/2017 16:48

I can honestly see both sides of the arguement. I have no relationship with front of house , they only speak to my section at the start or end of shift, we work away from the main pass so dont communicate during service at all other than to change an order. We start an hour before front of house so I usually gift the cakes then, however the owners started to ask me to wait until everyone was in to present the cakes and sing, thus creating this situation. We dont see each other outside of work as we work together 6 days a week. I think i have created a monster 😕

OP posts:

diddl · 31/08/2017 16:50

"In every restaurant I've ever worked in, Kitchen and Front of House (waiting staff) are two separate things. "

That's understandable-but then why are the waiting staff expected to join in at all?

RhubardGin · 31/08/2017 16:50

WomblingThree

That's true.

I just can't understand why the waitress would have expected a birthday cake anyway. If she knew OP made cakes, but it was common knowledge that it was just for her team, why would she ask for one?

It doesn't really make sense. She either heard through the grapevine and assumed, meaning she hadn't worked there long, or is trying to cause trouble and being a cow.

diddl · 31/08/2017 16:52

Ha-x post there.

If it's your time & money then the management need to butt out & let you just hand over the cake as a present from you rather than muscling in & letting it seem as if it's a workplace thing.

RhubardGin · 31/08/2017 16:53

however the owners started to ask me to wait until everyone was in to present the cakes and sing

The owners have created this problem OP, not you.

The owners have created a situation now where it looks like the kitchen staff are rubbing it in the waiting staffs face. I'm not surprised they are pissed off.

I would speak to the owners, tell them the situation and explain you would prefer if it went back to the way it was. You bake cakes for your team and present them before everyone else gets in.

blankface · 31/08/2017 16:55

We start an hour before front of house so I usually gift the cakes then, however the owners started to ask me to wait until everyone was in to present the cakes and sing, thus creating this situation

So get the owners to change the procedure so the lovely cakes are given to your friends before the waitstaff start.

blankface · 31/08/2017 16:56

xpost Rhubarb

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2017 16:59

What a cheeky bint, did she offer to pay you? I would have told her that you probably would have made her a cake if she had not asked, but as she is so rude, you won't. It does sound a little exclusive, that you make cakes for some, but not all. I would stop doing it tbh, as it could cause divisions in the team.

CreamCheeseBrownies · 31/08/2017 16:59

The daft thing is, if she hadn't said anything, in your position I might well have made her one rather than not give her anything while presenting a cake to someone else on her birthday.

Particularly awkward as the manager is perhaps spanning the divide between kitchen and front of house.

SenecaFalls · 31/08/2017 17:00

Yes, the owners have created the problem. It's especially highlighted in this situation where one staff member, the waitress, will be expected to sing happy birthday, etc. for another staff member when it's her own birthday too.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2017 17:01

Oh right, just read your post, I would insist on presenting the cakes before the other staff get in, or don't bake them.

mishfish · 31/08/2017 17:03

I agree that the managers have created this situation

Maybe you should speak to them and explain what's happened and asked that happy birthday if kept to the kitchen staff and ask the manager to organise a fuss over front of house staff among their direct colleagues for their birthdays?

Speaking as someone whose never worked in this environment, so perhaps my opinion is entirely invalid but I'd be miffed if I had to take part in a birthday fuss over kitchen staff when no one made a fuss over waiting staff for theirs.

Also, I don't know why but I feel a bit that your manager asked to hold off so everyone can join in. Almost like they're tying to hijack the glory?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 31/08/2017 17:07

I never do it for front of house waitressing staff as they tend to come and go and we dont spend much time with them, i dont really know any of them.
She has always got a piece of any cake going so is hardly disadvantaged.
Why would you spend your own time and money making a cake for people who at best are nodding acquaintances?
Different if she approaches you and asks how much would you charge for a cake you bake for her.

FlaviaAlbia · 31/08/2017 17:07

Talk to the owners I think. It's due to their request that you're having this problem, and I think it's a bit cheeky of them- they're taking a personal gift from you and making it look as if it's a company thing.

Why not suggest that the owners pay for the cake ingredients and let you have time in work to make them if they want to continue something that's creating bad feeling. Or else you can go back to gifting them before work.

Original poster

Tatiannatomasina · 31/08/2017 17:09

The owners are a bit mean 😕 and I think they liked the fact i was doing it so they didnt have to bother. I have allowed it to become a 3 ringed circus when it should have been just between my close collegues. I also bake for halloween, christmas and holidays, perhaps thats the way forwards so no one is singled out.

OP posts:

rjay123 · 31/08/2017 17:12

So it's your time and money - effectively you are giving them a cake as a gift, not as a cake!

Morphene · 31/08/2017 17:13

hmm this is the problem with doing special things for certain people at work and not others...if there's a clear dividing line, as there appears to be here between who gets it and who doesn't then it isn't so bad...but I would imagine it isn't great for the moral of the front of house people that they are excluded.

I understand the waitresses point of view tbh...though certainly NOT her way of raising it which is totally batshit rude.

She should have contacted the manager and pointed out the issue...then the manager could have passed it on quietly to the OP.

Anyhoo...I think a swansong cake could be in the offing...a big cake for everyone including waitress and manager...and the information that its the last one.

If the waitress leaves you could always go back to baking if you wanted...

FlaviaAlbia · 31/08/2017 17:14

In that case I'd just tell them straight that it's creating bad feeling and you're going back to giving it privately.

Or your idea about only baking for holidays is good, but a pity if you enjoy it and it raises team morale.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2017 17:15

Seeing as you pay for everything, it's up to you when you present the cake. If you still want to do the cake for your manager, if necessary, tell her you will be presenting it at x time before the waiting staff arrive.

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