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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To save for baby's nose job

189 replies

DressedInBinBags · 29/08/2017 16:56

DH has a very large nose. I like it and I think it makes him look handsome. He really doesn't like it. DD looks like she is going to take after her father in the nose department.
AIBU reasonable to put some money aside each week incase she wants a nose job when she is older? If her nose isn't like her dad's or it doesn't bother her she could use it for other things.
Obviously she would still be gorgeous to me. I'm just concerned she will be self conscious as other people make remarks to DH and he had been teased about it in the past.

OP posts:

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Threenme · 30/08/2017 12:37

I think you're coming from a good place. You've already said you won't say what it's for or mention her nose and if it is fine she'll end up with a very nice car!

Mollie85 · 30/08/2017 13:24

So you've said you won't tell her about the specifics of this savings account.
You've said if she doesn't want a nose job and - horror of horrors - accepts herself the way she is, then the money can be used for something else...
You've said countless times that you wouldn't care if she had a large nose and you will ensure she grows up with body confidence...

But yet you've posted this on mumsnet... because....?

vikingprincess81 · 30/08/2017 13:39

IF this is indeed a serious post, then my only advice is to try to dissuade her from any cosmetic surgery until she's reached her mid-late 20s at least. If I'd been given the means to have a nose job at 22 I'd have gone for it. Now, nearing 40? Meh, my nose gives my face character and I rather enjoy my profile now. It's not huge, but it has a bump in it that I've been aware of since childhood. It's a family trait, and my DSis is considering non surgical options (you can have filler put in to make your nose appear straighter? I dunno, I don't really understand the procedure) but I've learned to live with it, and it wouldn't be the best option for me (I have no opinion on other adults changing anything they wish)
Anyway, sometimes people need time to accept their 'flaws' and wouldn't it be boring if we all looked the same?
Please bring your dd up to be a secure young lady who isn't fixated on appearance. There are so many other thing that are far more important.

retainertrainer · 30/08/2017 13:51

Well I think it's a good idea. I had horrible bucked teeth as a child, didn't qualify on the NHS for braces and parents couldn't afford them so I didn't get them fixed until I was 32. It shattered my confidence (both the teeth and the braces).

DS so far has lovely teeth but I'm saving up for braces in case he also doesn't qualify for NHS treatment but would like straight teeth.

I'm not telling anyone and if he doesn't need them it'll go towards something else.

retainertrainer · 30/08/2017 13:56

It would be lovely for us all to be able to except ourselves but the reality is that some people do have features that make us feel horrible. My mum did her absolute best to make me feel beautiful and confident in my own skin. She never mentioned my teeth but when you've got a big set of bugs bunny teeth smiling back at you (replace with large nose etc ) it's difficult not to let it effect your self esteem.

OP I think you're being very responsible.

RhubardGin · 30/08/2017 13:57

If your DH hates his nose why hasn't he had cosmetic surgery?

Surely if he's hated it his whole life he would have fixed it by now.

Would you be doing the same if you had small boobs and were worried she may have small boobs too so you were saving for a boob job?

Weird thread!

BagelGoesWalking · 30/08/2017 14:03

My DD17 has a slightly big nose with a slight bump in it, like mine!

She has often remarked on it, not because of any remarks made by us. She's not stupid, she can see that it's a bit big compared to her friends and not straight.

Since she's been old enough to talk about it in an adult way, I've always encouraged her to believe that no-one, especially those that love her, will care about her nose! However, it's unrealistic to ignore the fact that surgery is an option, she has to weigh up the pros and cons and find the very best person to do it, if she was to decide to go for it.

GaryBarlowsTaxReturn · 30/08/2017 14:19

Getout21 the rhinoplasty was the only surgery I wanted. I waited until my late 20s before I took the plunge. I still don't want anything else doing 10 years after. But my nose was large, thick and also had a bulbous tip (my surgery took 4 hours!) it wasn't just like I had a small imperfection shaved off. It looked, to me, totally out of proportion to the rest of my face.

Getout21 · 30/08/2017 14:27

Thanks Gary I always wonder if having some surgery makes you more likely to want more.

MiddleClassProblem · 30/08/2017 14:27

I come from a big nose family and it gets watered down so gets will likely be less that DH's.

I think the problem with saving for it is that you expect it and think is acceptable rather than teaching her to love herself and that that nose is part of her family history/geneology.

Lavenderfly · 30/08/2017 14:33

My partners has a huge nose. It's actually what attracted me to him. He was teased by family and peers etc throughout his life but it doesn't bother him. I do think he felt very ugly at several points in his life because of it.

Save for your child. Whatever she spends it on is really up to her. I don't like the idea of cosmetic surgery, luckily my issues are my feet and I can cover them with shoes. So I don't know what it feels like to want to change your face. Maybe by the time she's an adult, a larger nose may be conventionally beautiful, or she may just love it because it makes her different. Who knows?

swingofthings · 30/08/2017 17:38

All I want is the best for my child
Then teach her self-confidence. If you want to put money aside, do so, but don't earmark it for surgery. The moment you do that, even unconsciously, you'll be passing the message that her nose is holding her back.

Maybe she will develop a complex and want surgery at an age that she can make that decision and if you want to help her financially then, great, but please, teach your child that attraction is about self-confidence. Look at Barbra Streisand. Talk about a noise, and yet she had no problem attracting the most sexy men. Sex appeal is a lot more than being a pretty face, and that's when you're an course, as child, you shouldn't even think about physical appearance.

rhodanunn · 30/08/2017 17:52

She will be gorgeous to you but you understand that other, awful bullying people not worthy of any of her time, will have such a strong opinion of her appearance that she might need to permanently alter herself, to regain her self confidence.

It's really troubling that so many PPs have gone on about it being the responsible thing to do or that big noses can be beautiful. It doesn't matter when she grows up if she isn't conventially beautiful. She is your daughter and currently a baby. In light of her being just a tiny, glorious little package of potential, why on earth does whether the possibility she grows up to be a beautiful woman with a big nose or a small nose matter, one jot?

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/08/2017 19:07

All I want is the best for my child. But clearly being proactive about this is wrong according to most people on here.

Again. You could've just gone ahead and set up the account (which you're going to do anyway), without asking for opinions on it.

But you obviously just love the drama, so...

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