Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To save for baby's nose job

189 replies

DressedInBinBags · 29/08/2017 16:56

DH has a very large nose. I like it and I think it makes him look handsome. He really doesn't like it. DD looks like she is going to take after her father in the nose department.
AIBU reasonable to put some money aside each week incase she wants a nose job when she is older? If her nose isn't like her dad's or it doesn't bother her she could use it for other things.
Obviously she would still be gorgeous to me. I'm just concerned she will be self conscious as other people make remarks to DH and he had been teased about it in the past.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
pringlecat · 30/08/2017 10:40

I think it's a lovely idea, providing no one ever finds out the reason for this secret fund (except perhaps your DH). Tell a close family member and they may spill the secret one day, which would be horribly upsetting for your DD.

If you're lucky, her nose will be perfect, she'll be happy, and you'll have an extra pot of cash to do something with - maybe a nice holiday together.

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/08/2017 10:41

I don't understand. People were telling the lady with the daughter with the excess skin that she should pay for it. I just want to ensure I can pay for my daughter of required.

So just open the savings account, love.

Why all the drama?

BanginChoons · 30/08/2017 10:42

Will you be having any more children? Ensure you can also put the same amount by for them just in case. But then I suppose you have the dilemma of what if one "needs" surgery and the other doesn't? Do they use their savings to pay while the other buys themselves a car or something?

purpledonkey · 30/08/2017 10:43

Good lord now I've read it all.

Nothing like instilling confidence in your kids.

Look up the speech Pink made about her daughter and then refer back to yourself.

Original poster
DressedInBinBags · 30/08/2017 10:46

Banging that's why I wanted separate savings. So she wouldn't miss out on anything. As it happens I cannot have more children.

OP posts:
FlamingoF · 30/08/2017 10:51

Just create a savings account. Maybe your daughter won't be as shallow as her mother and will just accept her looks without looking for a surgical fix. Maybe she will end up with an even uglier chin, flat chested or wanting lipo- better get saving extra hard in case she is ugly, flat chested and fat!

Underthemoonlight · 30/08/2017 10:51

Biscuit are you for real. The other thread isn't even comparable. That girl lost 11stone and had excessive skin which she wanted surgery for to remove it. What about teaching your child inter beauty?

Original poster
DressedInBinBags · 30/08/2017 10:55

Uh she has a savings account this was additional money as I don't want it to come out of her money for gap year/ car/ house fund. I actually have something "wrong" with my appearance and before I could afford to hide it people were always making comments about it or pointing and whispering.

OP posts:
Original poster
DressedInBinBags · 30/08/2017 10:57

^ as far as I could find out it wasn't something that would be passed on but if it was then I would save money to resolve that.

OP posts:
lunaysol3828 · 30/08/2017 11:01

You people are so mean! I had an otoplasty when I was 22 after years of not wearing my hair up and frustration. I wish my mom thought about this when I was little.

I think this is great, OP, but obviously it needs to come from her.

Underthemoonlight · 30/08/2017 11:07

The imperfections is what makes us human, I have a biggish nose. I embrace it hasn't held me back.My DS has ginger hair from his DF shall I dye it so he doesn't get bullied? Of course not I embraced his beautiful hair. The only time cosmetic surgery should be an option if they have a disfigurement or something that needs a correction to improve quality of life. My eldest DS has a ptosis ( his eyelid covered a large portion of his eye) he had surgery to help put an implant to lift his lid up. It isn't perfect but it has enabled him to see abit better although he has to wear glasses due to his eye sight.

GodIsDead · 30/08/2017 11:08

Brilliant. Shit like this is why I read MN. Grin

Graceflorrick · 30/08/2017 11:12

OP, your attitude is awful.

MangosteenSoda · 30/08/2017 11:13

I also think it's a good idea. Someone I know had a nose job between A Levels and uni. Her nose was really big and crooked on a small face. Afaik, she had saved most of the money herself from a part time job.

Some noses just 'stand out' and don't really blend into or mesh well with the rest of the facial features. As with very wonky teeth or very sticky out ears, I don't see why it would be a problem to change it. It's not always a case of taking a perfectly ordinary nose and making it into a little snub like you see so many of in Hollywood.

I had a nose job at 29. My nose isn't small as I didn't have it reduced in size, but it's straight because I had a bump removed. I also had a septoplasty at the same time, so I can breathe much better now. I so wish I had had it done ten years earlier. My parents always told me I was perfect as I was, which is lovely, but I knew I hated my nose and nothing was going to change that. No bad thing in financially planning for a potential event.

RoboticSealpup · 30/08/2017 11:14

DH is Greek and has a typical Greek nose. It's his best feature, IMO. DD looks like she will get one too. It really pisses me off when people point this out, followed by '...but she's still really beautiful!' She's too small to understand but I can only imagine how damaging it would be if she could sense that her own mother agreed.

I'm going to teach my PFB that she has the strong features of an alabaster statue of the goddess Artemis, damnit.

pringlecat · 30/08/2017 11:17

It doesn't matter how much the OP tells her DD she's beautiful, if she becomes fixated with an imperfection and feels miserable, she'll feel miserable. Some people love their quirks and that's the ideal, but you can't force anyone to.

Provided the OP keeps a secret savings account and doesn't go around saying 'I've been saving for your nose job since you were 2, given how ugly I've always thought you look', I think setting aside the cash is actually a compassionate gesture. The big nose genes aren't coming from the OP's side of the gene pool, so she doesn't know what's it like to put up with it. She's showing empathy with her actions.

YokoReturns · 30/08/2017 11:17

I see that posters have signed up specifically to give their anecdotes about their own parents paying for nose jobs.

Round of applause for the Daily Heil...

MNHQ, over here, please!

deadringer · 30/08/2017 11:24

Ah op I think you have been flamed a bit unfairly. Yes absolutely bring up your dd with a healthy attitude to her looks and looks in general. But, I hate my sticky out ears and was teased terribly about them growing up. My dc all had similar ears when younger, except their ears are also quite big as well as sticking out. I did lots of research on surgery and worried all through their childhoods about them being teased and getting a complex but it never happened. Either other kids didn't notice or they didn't care. They grew into their ears and they look perfectly normal now as adults. i still hide mine under my hair though

Original poster
DressedInBinBags · 30/08/2017 11:26

Thank you Ringer. All I want is the best for my child. But clearly being proactive about this is wrong according to most people on here.

OP posts:
SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 30/08/2017 11:39

The fact that you're even thinking about it is bonkers to me. Even if you don't tell her, be careful about your unconscious prejudice.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 30/08/2017 11:40

Oh and excess skin can cause lots of physical problems - skin breakdown and sores - so it's not comparable to the other thread.

GaryBarlowsTaxReturn · 30/08/2017 12:15

Hi OP. I am from a family of massive noses. I inherited it & hated it; made me massively self conscious & I was picked on. I saved up for my own surgery. It was one of the best things I decided to do, made me feel happier and less anxious. If my parents had offered to pay for it I would have been over the moon.

I have a child myself now and if they get my nose I'd at least like to contribute financially if they decided they weren't happy.

I think a lot of the people here commenting negatively about your plan have never been bullied for their appearance. It's soul destroying.

So YABU. I think it's a very positive thing to do.

Morphene · 30/08/2017 12:17

Ahh so projection is the real issue here. You didn't have enough self-esteem to accept your body for what it is, so you assume your daughter won't either.

Well if you continue the way you are, assuming she would rather change her body than learn to love it, then you are probably right. You will teach your DD to hate herself and she will indeed need surgery because of it.

Morphene · 30/08/2017 12:20

I was bullied for my ginger hair....I decided the bullies were the problem not my hair.

I decided that I could change everything about myself, and it wouldn't stop the bullies being bullies....it would just confirm to myself that I was the problem....but I wasn't the problem. They were.

I hated being bullied, but I am very glad my parents never, even for one moment, acted as if they thought I should change myself to conform. That they never ever told me they agreed with the bullies, in thought or action.

Getout21 · 30/08/2017 12:31

What happens if she has the nose job (if she hates it) but is still not happy? Where do you draw the line, how can you say yep to nose job but no to other surgeries.

How many times does a friend turn to you and say I hate my nose, lips, legs etc and their flaw is something you never noticed. I had a friend who was obsessed with her chin/jaw & had some kind of surgery to it & she looked like a diff person (not better imho).

The posters who say they have had a nose job & it changed their lives have you not wanted to do anything else?