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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To save for baby's nose job

189 replies

DressedInBinBags · 29/08/2017 16:56

DH has a very large nose. I like it and I think it makes him look handsome. He really doesn't like it. DD looks like she is going to take after her father in the nose department.
AIBU reasonable to put some money aside each week incase she wants a nose job when she is older? If her nose isn't like her dad's or it doesn't bother her she could use it for other things.
Obviously she would still be gorgeous to me. I'm just concerned she will be self conscious as other people make remarks to DH and he had been teased about it in the past.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Ttbb · 29/08/2017 20:51

You would do well to save for in general.

MsHooliesCardigan · 30/08/2017 04:06

Can anyone genuinely say that they wouldn't be bothered if their nose looked like this?
www.google.co.uk/search?q=worlds+biggest+nose&client=safari&hl=en-gb&prmd=isnv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjey-e__P3VAhUEbFAKHVSRC9oQ_AUIECgB&biw=375&bih=559#imgrc=ILaJv6m6YuZjVM:

AlphaStation · 30/08/2017 05:45

A good nose is a nose that you can actually breathe through. Over here there's a scandal with a surgeon doing nose jobs that has made people's noses so narrow that the passage is only like a straw and they cannot breathe through their noses any longer (but will have to breathe through the mouth always). The nose jobs do look very good from the outside (when looking at the person in question) but their life has turned into a hell as they cannot breathe, one person says it feels like constantly having two tampons stuck up their nose. From the news I've learned that the nostrils collapse by being pushed in presumably (thus making the nose smaller) and in anyway these people can no longer breathe through their noses, and furthermore it's not possible to operate to get back open airways as the nose is totally destroyed. This incident has been all over the media.

MsJuniper · 30/08/2017 05:55

You could save for a "treat fund" so at 18 she can choose to spend some money on something important to her - she'll know by then if that's her nose. Hopefully she'll be a confident and happy young woman who's never given it a second thought and she can buy herself a camera, bike or handbag instead.

swingofthings · 30/08/2017 06:11

I have a large nose. Both my parents have large noses. I was self-conscious as a teenager and hated it. Then in my late teens, I realised that it didn't stop me from attracting decent men and I forgot about it. In my 20s, I realised that I actually quite liked my nose as it makes me who I am.

Still I thought I would be kind to my future children and pick a partner with a smaller nose... as it goes, I fell in love with a man.... with a big nose. We laughed that our children would end up with big nose too, but by then, we were both comfortable with our looks so it didn't matter.

As it is, neither of them have large noses, at least not that it would get noticed. Defies the odds, but that's genetics for you! In the end, big nose, small boobs, big bums, I've taught my kids that attraction comes from confidence. They are not perfect looking, but they don't need to be.

Celestia26 · 30/08/2017 07:00

I currently have a savings account for my daughter for the same reason. My daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate. Parts of her face aren't growing properly and I know for sure she'll need a nose job/jaw or chin surgery when she's older. I don't see a problem saving for it now. Actually I think it's wise to, so you're in a position to help her if she wants it. Just please don't tell her what it's for. I'm not going to tell my daughter, I would never want her to feel self conscious about it.

NoFucksImAQueen · 30/08/2017 08:26

Not sure why you're getting such a hard time op. I think it's a nice idea and not at all comparable to a boob job ffs.
Anyone can see you aren't going to tell her she's ugly/has a big nose etc. It's clear from your posts that's not the. Way you feel but that you want to save her unhappiness if that's how she feels

babybubblescomingsoon · 30/08/2017 08:34

Biscuit your poor DH. What does he think of you saving money for his child's plastic surgery in case she looks like him? Biscuit

CanadaMoose91 · 30/08/2017 08:51

I think the OP has the right idea. I had braces as a child because my parents felt that I would be less likely to be judged or overlooked when interviewing for work.
It's not ideal worrying about looks, but it's life. People DO judge based on looks. It sucks. OP, your daughter is very lucky to have a mum who looks out for her and is willing to solve potential problems rather than ignore them and hope for society as a whole to better itself.

Original poster
DressedInBinBags · 30/08/2017 08:53

Baby He agrees with me. He's never liked his nose despite the fact I tell him I like it whenever he moaned about it. He knows how much his sister got bullied for the same nose.
She looks identical to him. Same gorgeous colouring.

OP posts:
Mumof41987 · 30/08/2017 08:54

This is the most disturbing thread Iv seen on MN !

Original poster
DressedInBinBags · 30/08/2017 08:56

I wonder what responses would have been if my AIBU would have been:
My 21 year old daughter wants a nose job. She has been teased a lot because of her nose. If I have the funds should I pay for it?

OP posts:
Primrose06 · 30/08/2017 09:09

If you have funds save but use the money for whatever is necessary.
Do not mention the nose. Accept your dd for who she is. You know unconditional love.
My dh and his mother and other have noses that are noticeable for the wrong reasons. It never entered my head that the children could have them. Maybe I was naive.
As it turned out adult kids ended up with genetic heart conditions which was much wise and more serious than a nose.
As long as your kid is healthy be happy and let them be to.

SprigofRosemary · 30/08/2017 09:22

Erm, I'm pretty sure the OP isn't going to tell her daughter about the money for the plastic surgery (did skim read though). By all means put money aside for her and then she can choose what to spend it on when she turns 18. That might be a nose job or it might be a car. I'm putting away money to go towards a house deposit for my daughter, doesn't mean she will use it for that though!

Aeviternity · 30/08/2017 09:25

This reply has been deleted

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histinyhandsarefrozen · 30/08/2017 09:31

I have a lovely big nose. Never been bullied, never short of fellas...

Dd looks like her nose is going my way. if she's bothered, we'll help her, hopefully she won't be.

EssentialHummus · 30/08/2017 09:39

My 21 year old daughter wants a nose job. She has been teased a lot because of her nose. If I have the funds should I pay for it?

In this case, what's absent is a mum projecting her idea of what is or isn't attractive onto her daughter, imo and that's what rankles here. There's something hugely unpalatable about a parent looking at a very young child and fixating on a (because it is, really) relatively minor thing and deciding that it's a priority for saving.

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 30/08/2017 09:40

Is this the most goady thread ever?

Honestly, you're going to start a savings account for your baby, just like the vast majority of parents ime. If you're not going to tell her what to spend it on then why even bother coming on here and asking whether or not YABU? Of course you're not.

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/08/2017 09:47

I don't really understand the point of the thread.

You don't think you're unreasonable to do this (and neither do I, necessarily).

You're going to go ahead and save for the future possible nose job, regardless of the majority opinion on here.

So what's the point in the thread, other than to indulge in a session of flagellation from MNers. Confused

Odd.

ArchieStar · 30/08/2017 10:05

As someone who has their DFs big nose (and accepted it as part of who I am) I have to say if I found out my parents set aside money from being a baby for a nose job for me I'd be devastated.

If they told me I had money aside for a car, and another trust fund for whatever I wanted it would be a different matter. Your daughter may love her nose become it comes from the guy who loved her before any other male did... her daddy. If you choose to do it then dear god, word it carefully.

Original poster
DressedInBinBags · 30/08/2017 10:12

I don't understand. People were telling the lady with the daughter with the excess skin that she should pay for it. I just want to ensure I can pay for my daughter of required.

OP posts:
Gromance02 · 30/08/2017 10:13

This post has made me cry. I have always been aware that DF wished I'd inherited my DM's beautiful looks. It was never actually said but implied enough for me to know this to be a fact. Please God, don't give your baby's nose anymore thought as your DD will pick up on it. I have used alcohol for the last 20 years as a coping mechanism as I am so self-conscious.

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 30/08/2017 10:30

I don't understand. People were telling the lady with the daughter with the excess skin that she should pay for it. I just want to ensure I can pay for my daughter of required.

So why are you asking if you're being unreasonable? Of course you're not being unreasonable to save!

LaughingElliot · 30/08/2017 10:34

You really should have thought of this before shacking up with a big noser. One must be scrupulous about genetic material.

Morphene · 30/08/2017 10:38

good grief.

I wonder if this would even have crossed your mind if the child was male....

fuck beauty standards and the wrecking of children's lives because of it.

Children having cosmetic surgery is something we really genuinely should not be aspiring to.