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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be angry at DSs 'friend' for abandoning him

217 replies

MrsMuddlePluck · 28/08/2017 23:54

Boys at Reading Festival. My DS had his debit card nicked so no money to get train home. His friend got a lift from his Mum in a 7 seater car home to a street half a mile from our house. Told my son it wasn't his problem that he couldnt get home. Took 4 hours for my DH to find DS to fetch him home. In the meantime he had a panic attack - hungry, dehydrated, lonely & upset.

AIBU to want to slap this selfish little sh#t for leaving him behind?

OP posts:
Hollie0otis · 30/08/2017 19:09

MammaTJ if think you misread. They were not half a mile away, they were hours away at a festival. The friend lives half a mile away, so he could have got a lift with the mum

mummmy2017 · 30/08/2017 19:42

You should tell him any BAR will give him free water, it's a £10,000 if they say no.
Having worked loads of these things, the security staff would have helped him, had he asked.
There are loads of hotels in the area he was, that he could have waited, or you could have bought him a ticket to get back and he could have collected it.

brotherphil · 30/08/2017 19:54

For future reference you can buy a ticket from where you are and text the reference code to a station for someone to print out, though he would have to ask someone to insert a credit card to get the ticket(money would not be taken, so I am not sure WHY the train companies do this)

It's not just any credit card - it has to be the credit card that was used to buy the ticket, to prevent fraud. Getting a ticket for someone waiting at the other end is now a complete PITA - they only seem to be able to do it by post.

PollyFlint · 30/08/2017 21:04

Fucking hell I had my own place and a baby at 18...he couldn't just get the train on his own?

His train ticket and his debit had been stolen, Lola. That's why he couldn't get the train.

I agree with other posters that there is almost certainly a lot more to this story than the OP's son has revealed. Son and his friend must have had a massive falling out for some reason and I doubt anyone will ever actually get to the bottom of it.

The panic attack/dehydration thing sounds like a very extreme reaction to having to wait for a lift from your dad ... and, dare I say it, rather more like a teenager coming down off Ecstasy. I certainly think that an 18-year-old man should be better able to cope when things go awry.

Jojofjo44 · 30/08/2017 21:20

Most of the people here being all judgy and saying that he's 18, a man, an adult and should have been able to sort himself out have obviously never been to a festival.
After 2/3 days hardcore camping /drinking /no sleep /wet through /generally miserable because it's over /lost bank card /ticket /not eaten anything but crap if they've eaten at all. Lost their voices from singing /desperately need a shower /totally depressed at thought of travelling even with ticket are entitled to a little meltdown. Panic attacks can be suffered without taking substances also. Give the lad a break, he's mortal.

Leapfrog44 · 30/08/2017 21:31

Is there more to this than he's telling? Do you think he had taken drugs (hence panic attack) and he mate didn't want his mother to see him slammed?

Either that or there was some kind of fight. Pretty sure there is more to it than you're being told.

Sorry if that's way off the mark but parents can be pretty naïve if they were not up to that sort of thing themselves..

pinkstripeycat · 30/08/2017 21:50

There's some really tough (mean) parents on here. So what if you child was a hardened festival goer at 16? To some 18 year olds this might be their first festival and a big deal. At 17 I travelled alone for 5 hours on 3 different trains and a bus to get to wales to work for the summer. I was fine for the whole 10 weeks. At 24 I travelled alone to Australia but couldn't find my backpackers hostel - I phoned my mum in tears - oh what a cry baby I must seem to some people on this thread, a grown woman of 24 crying to her mum. Some things are just sometimes more of a big deal than others! Not giving a mate a lift is mean and that's all

Motheroffourdragons · 30/08/2017 21:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

unfortunateevents · 30/08/2017 22:03

It is 36 hours since the OP posted on this thread. Presumably her DS has woken up by now. She hasn't updated, and now everyone is winding themselves up into a frenzy about what may or may not have happened. We don't know if there is a back story, if the boys fell out, if the other boy's mother knew that OP's DS had been left behind, if the OP has phoned her or not, or what the dickens the story is! She ain't coming back, time to stress about something else now!

38cody · 30/08/2017 22:35

Maybe they'd fallen out and your son had been a complete sh** to the other boy? There must be a reason.
Just the two of them? How old? This is not the whole story.

kastiekastie · 31/08/2017 00:37

not to make matters worse but this sounds very fishy (if it was as cut and dried as this) - I would be wondering who took my son's debit card after this ... perhaps I am a cynic of the highest order but when you slight my family, you slight me...

Windytwigs · 31/08/2017 02:07

^ what do you mean by that kastie?
I agree it sounds fishy though - a lack of preparation, maturity and common-sense though, along with a large dose of 'not getting the full story' and overreactions maybe, or a not very well planned 'story'Grin

strawberrisc · 31/08/2017 06:44

All the posters saying OP should ring the 18 year old's Mum to have it out reminds me of when I was having a hard time at work from a bully boss and my dear Dad wanted to go in to talk to her! Grin

Ladybirdflyawayhome76 · 31/08/2017 06:57

The friend sounds a bit of an arse tbh. I'm sure if his friends mum knew he was stuck she'd have brought him home.

BalthazarImpresario · 31/08/2017 07:18

Re the welfare tent, if you go to Reading you know about it, it is constantly flagged up on screens, it's on your tickets, maps etc.

Next year if he gets picked up either do it the Sunday night as you can generally hover round the back of the station (I have been rescued when I've wanted to come home early and missed the train ) or park in the Oracle and walk to the station, much less stress.

I wouldn't be calling the parent, they are 18, I would be mortified. My DC is going next year, he will 16 and I don't think I'd get involved in a falling out between his friends... Old enough to go alone, old enough to deal with it.
He has been to Reading Fest 6 times already though so could be why im relaxed about it.

IdaBiscuit · 31/08/2017 08:00

Both of my DCs went to Reading and said it was full of ket heads falling over and being sick everywhere.

Obviously you can't call his parents when they are 18, but my experience I've never known an 18yo boy to deliberately leave another one, unless there was a reason he didn't want his mum to see him.

I think you've only got half a story. And the parent friendly one too.

MissDuke · 31/08/2017 09:18

Some lovely stories on here - the mum who sorted out a random 13 yr old at MK Bowl years ago and the lovely lady who helped out dc's friend at the weekend. Nice to read :-)

diddl · 31/08/2017 09:20

Did Op come back?

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2017 09:22

What a shitty friend, I don't know if I cod tell his mum, but I word be discouraging my D's from being involved with him.

lightgreenglass · 31/08/2017 10:52

Even if they fell out - the friend should have let his mom give your DS a lift back.

DBro (20) is currently backpacking around Asia and has fallen out with his best friend. Both ended up staying in different hostels for a couple of nights but they still kept in contact to make sure the other was safe - both back together now to finish the trip off. Friend sounds like a selfish muppet.

As for they're men when they're 18 - they really aren't. I'm 28 and in an emergency would still ask my parents for help/panic. I cried at a petrol station when I accidentally blocked my bank card and my DSis had to come and bail me out (there were other factors involved including pregnancy hormones). The point is - it's not weakness to be upset or ask for help from your parents. If anything this feeds into the bullshit of men/boys must be strong.

brasty · 31/08/2017 11:15

IdaBiscuit Yes if the friend has been taking ketamine and being sick and falling over, I can see why he would not want his mum to know about that. And so would leave him.

If someone has a phone, they can buy train tickets online. Get him to memorise his card details, or phone you and you can give him yours if this happens in the future. This was easily resolved.

brasty · 31/08/2017 11:17

And the welfare tent will also help out. Festival organisers are not daft. They know some festival goers will need extra help, hence the welfare tent.

ShellyBoobs · 31/08/2017 14:14

As for they're men when they're 18 - they really aren't. I'm 28 and in an emergency would still ask my parents for help/panic.

That's not normal by any stretch of the imagination.

People at 18 are fighting in wars, away at uni, delivery drivers travelling the length of the country, working as builders living away at wherever the site is, travelling the world on gap years.

On one hand there's another thread running where 16 y/o is considered a young adult and it's perfectly acceptable to be sharing a bed with his gf in his parent's home.

On the other hand there's this thread where 18 y/os are barely out of nappies and mummy should talk to a naughty friend's parents on their behalf.

The bizarre world of MN...

Motheroffourdragons · 31/08/2017 14:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

ShellyBoobs · 31/08/2017 14:33

Back up plans are always key.

I don't disagree at all. And I completely agree that they need to have learned to look after themselves and to be prepared. Of course we all help our DCs with that. Absolutely.

It was specifically the bit where so many people are telling OP to definitely ring friend's mother that I'm having a go at!

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