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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be angry at DSs 'friend' for abandoning him

217 replies

MrsMuddlePluck · 28/08/2017 23:54

Boys at Reading Festival. My DS had his debit card nicked so no money to get train home. His friend got a lift from his Mum in a 7 seater car home to a street half a mile from our house. Told my son it wasn't his problem that he couldnt get home. Took 4 hours for my DH to find DS to fetch him home. In the meantime he had a panic attack - hungry, dehydrated, lonely & upset.

AIBU to want to slap this selfish little sh#t for leaving him behind?

OP posts:
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 29/08/2017 09:21

Fucking hell I had my own place and a baby at 18...he couldn't just get the train on his own? Never heard anything so ridiculous he is an adult!

BubbleAnimal · 29/08/2017 09:22

She may have picked him up in a seven seater, but was there space? Had she decided to pick him up because they weren't going home, they were going else where? You can't presume the mother was a bitch for not offering a lift. She may have been completely clueless and parked in a completely different place unaware your son had no way of getting home. If she'd asked she may well have been told "he's getting the train". At 18 they're adults.

RhubardGin · 29/08/2017 09:23

To echo other posters there must be more to this story, it sounds quite odd to be honest.

When did your DS realise his debit card and train ticket were missing?

If he had his phone he could have used digital banking to get a new train fare.

And your DH couldn't find his DS for 4 hours because he was dressed in a poncho? Why didn't he arrange for your DS to go to a designated area and wait for him?

Weird story Confused

PerfumeIsAMessage · 29/08/2017 09:23

I also wouldn't be that hard on the friend...if he also felt the need to not take the planned train back but called his mum then it sounds like both of them had a fright for whatever reason.

NikiBabe · 29/08/2017 09:24

Sorry he is 18 years old. If he couldn't manage a train trip and buying a return ticket at that age or cope with getting home on a train without getting upset and having a panic attack, there is a problem.

His friend was unkind for sure but your son is an adult and he behaved like an 8 year old.

TheWitchAndTrevor · 29/08/2017 09:29

Jesus it's not even that longer thread, and it states in the OP that ds had lost his bank card So he couldn't buy another train ticket.

FFS people.

UrsulaPandress · 29/08/2017 09:29

That's mean. I delivered dd and two friends to Leeds, anticipating that one of the other parents would do the return journey. But no. They don't like doing motorway driving so muggins here spent all day collecting them as well. But I would never have dreamt of abandoning anyone.

RhubardGin · 29/08/2017 09:32

Jesus it's not even that longer thread, and it states in the OP that ds had lost his bank card So he couldn't buy another train ticket

That's why I asked about digital banking as he had his phone. He could have bought a train ticket via this system.

Hopefully OP will come back with more info Smile

unfortunateevents · 29/08/2017 09:37

All sounds a bit odd - and I say that as the mother of 16 and 19 year old boys, one of whom has been to Reading previously. Strongly suspect there has been some falling out and you have got nowhere near the full story yet. Unfortunate that your DS lost his card and ticket, but four hours to find him and a panic attack sounds dramatic. I'm sure Reading station was rammed but why was your husband trying to pick him up there - they were presumably in touch by phone so couldn't son have walked to one of the hotels around or even a bit further afield? Obviously it was late at night but not a normal night - the place was heaving with people so should have been fine.

I would chalk it up to a learning experience and I certainly wouldn't call the other mother until you have spoken to your son to get more details.

livefornaps · 29/08/2017 09:40

There's clearly been a falling out and I bet the friend's mum had no idea your son was stuck.

MrsBobDylan · 29/08/2017 09:41

There will be more to this story for sure.

redexpat · 29/08/2017 09:41

I dont think the mum knew.

Chillyegg · 29/08/2017 09:43

I think actually it was really mean. Doesn't matter if they'd had a fight or whatever you don't leave people like that. Im certain the other lad wouldn't like it happen to him, when your hungover or whatever you dont think rationally which is why I think the ops lad wasn't acting rationally. I.e. He didn't go to the welfare tent etc

People saying he's 18 blah blah well actually that doesn't mean much at 25 I'd be upset and stressed and call my boyfriend to come get me if needs be. At 18 Id of probably really got upset and had a panick attack especially if I didn't have any money.
I remember at college I visited Edinburgh uni with a friend we got the train up and stayed in a b&b came back on the train and his mum was meant to pick us up as my mum had dropped us their. His mum called and decided that actually she didn't want to pick me up cus the extra 10 minutes to my house was too much. Despite the fact my mum had driven an extra half an hour to pick up her son.
Some people are just selfish shits

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2017 09:44

On Mumsnet giving a lift is the biggest favour it is possible to give.Grin

The two of them went to the festival together. The mother should definitely have asked her son where his friend was, whatever age they were. And even if they were "not going straight home" she should have offered to lend him the money for a ticket. Just basic human decency. So either she is an awful human being, or the friend lied to her. Which makes him an awful human being.

Cherrytart6 · 29/08/2017 09:44

Ring the mother

Alittlepotofrosie · 29/08/2017 09:47

He's 18 years old. He needs to learn to handle stuff on his own at some point. Next time maybe he'll plan for contingencies. I fail to see how any of this was the woman's fault.

Isetan · 29/08/2017 09:47

I'd be annoyed but I'd also expect more resourcefulness from a child going to a three day music festival.

Whatever you do, don't let him go on a gap year if ain't an all inclusive resort where they save the rainforest get massively overcharged to play at conversation.

Me and DD (9) became separated while out riding our bikes, despite being upset she found her arse to a supermarket where she told the cashier her story and asked that I be contacted. I was in full panic mode when I got the phone call to come and get her. DD isn't the most perceptive child but even she had enough common sense to find a resolution to her predicament.

Redpony1 · 29/08/2017 09:53

If you go to festivals, you know about the welfare tent

I go to loads of festivals & it wouldn't even cross my mind!!

christinarossetti · 29/08/2017 09:55

The mother didn't know. The other young man was embarrassed about having called his mum for a lift when he was supposed to be getting the train. He didn't want his friend to hear any details about this.

What about the others in the group? Surely, they could also have offered to help him?

RonSwansonsMoustache · 29/08/2017 09:59

Please don't ring his friends' mother! They're eighteen years old, it's not for her to get involved in what his mates are doing.

From what you've written, it's odd your DS didn't get a lift, but maybe they got separated and his friends' mother wasn't willing to wait around for a disorganised 18 year old. In all likelihood she wasn't impressed at being called out to collect her adult son, and the last thing on her mind was offering more 18 year olds lifts home.

Speak to your DS when he gets home and hopefully you'll get some answers. I appreciate it was probably a bit scary for him, but maybe it will teach him to be more organised in the future!

Hereward1332 · 29/08/2017 09:59

I am not sure what is so wrong about calling for help when you have lost your ticket home and means to pay for one. I don't think you can pay by phone, bank transfer or apple / android pay, so having a phone doesn't mean he had the means to pay.

Even 18 year olds are allowed to ask their parents to help them out sometimes.

I doubt the friend's mum would have left him stranded had she known.

ZoeWashburne · 29/08/2017 10:03

JFC your son is 18. He is an adult man. If he had his phone, he could go to the ticket office in the train station and explain the situation. Or you could have purchased a new ticket, and they could have printed it for him. This isn't a lost little boy separated from his parents. This is an adult man that can vote, sign contracts, and join the military.

Yes, he was in a crap situation, and his friend should have given a ride, but it is your adult son's responsibility to sort out his transport himself. He had a phone and four hours isn't THAT long in the scheme of things to wait for a ride when he lost his debit card. The playing up that he was dehydrated and hungry is ridiculous. I regularly go four hours without eating or drinking. In fact, most adults do. Its regularly more than four hours between breakfast, lunch and dinner. If he was having that much of a challenge, at 18 he should be old enough to go find the police, the welfare tent, or

Helicopter parenting to the highest degree if the mother of a grown man calls the mum of another. Maybe he is immature, but unless he is developmentally delayed or as SEN issues, he is being coddled and is ridiculous.

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2017 10:05

"Even 18 year olds are allowed to ask their parents to help them out sometimes."

Not on Mumsnet, they're not!

ssd · 29/08/2017 10:07

op, your son is pissed off at his pal and knows hes been treated badly. He wants understanding from you, not you barging in and sorting at all out, he'll do that himself.

make him a cuppa when he wakes up and smile and nod when he talks to you, while inwardly planning what you'd do to that little shit if only you could get your hands on him...

NikiBabe · 29/08/2017 10:07

JFC your son is 18. He is an adult man. If he had his phone, he could go to the ticket office in the train station and explain the situation. Or you could have purchased a new ticket, and they could have printed it for him. This isn't a lost little boy separated from his parents. This is an adult man that can vote, sign contracts, and join the military.

This.