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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be angry at DSs 'friend' for abandoning him

217 replies

MrsMuddlePluck · 28/08/2017 23:54

Boys at Reading Festival. My DS had his debit card nicked so no money to get train home. His friend got a lift from his Mum in a 7 seater car home to a street half a mile from our house. Told my son it wasn't his problem that he couldnt get home. Took 4 hours for my DH to find DS to fetch him home. In the meantime he had a panic attack - hungry, dehydrated, lonely & upset.

AIBU to want to slap this selfish little sh#t for leaving him behind?

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 29/08/2017 06:50

Key questions are whether they were meant to be travelling together. How old are they? After a festival he may have had no charge on a mobile. Did he cancel his card asap? On the face of it it seems harsh but if he was planning on coming back by train why didn't he have a return ticket? Did the other mum know? Did her son tell her? If yes to the last two then she was out of order ( unless a long backstory of bullying) if not she couldn't have known your son needed a lift help.

christinarossetti · 29/08/2017 06:58

How awful for your ds, and hope that he:s feeling better now

As pps say, there's bits missing from the story. Why no return train ticket? Did the boys travel there together? Did the mum know about your ds's predicament?

diamond49 · 29/08/2017 06:59

I think we need to know WHY she didn't give him a lift bwfore we can comment.

SnobblyBobbly · 29/08/2017 07:03

I once drove to Reading at 4am to collect my niece and we left her friend behind. They both got drunk and got into an argument. The friend went ballistic, punched my niece in the face and smashed their tent. She then disappeared off with some new friends she had made for the rest of the night. They never spoke to each other again after that.

I'm not saying that your son did those same things, but if he had been playing up (as kids can do with a freedom/alcohol combo) would he tell you those details straight away? Especially if he wanted to be picked up?

I'd be pissed off with the friend too if I were you, but also wondering how & why they got separated.

swingofthings · 29/08/2017 07:04

Of course there is more to it! Unless they are not really friends, just buddies who met just for the purpose of going there.

Didn't he call you and told you what happened? Why didn't you go and get him?

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 07:11

Whether they'd fallen out or not, to leave him in the middle of the festival with no way of getting home was irresponsible and mean. OP I hope your son is ok.

LavenderDoll · 29/08/2017 07:16

What were your sons original travel arrangements.

Was the friend always supposed to be travelling separately

Miserylovescompany2 · 29/08/2017 07:26

Did he travel to the festival by train independently in the first instance? Or was it with others?

I think there is probably more to this story...

brasty · 29/08/2017 07:26

So many questions. OP hasn't even said how old they are. There is more to this than has been said.

HotelEuphoria · 29/08/2017 07:27

Im guessing your son did call home and his dad drove to collect him. I think you need to know the full story as clearly his friend didn't just leave him there without there being more to this.

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 07:28

I'm not sure why his original travel arrangements are relevant? If one of my kids' friends was stuck somewhere, especially somewhere like a festival, I'd expect them to be a friend and help them out. Or have things changed that much since I was a kid?
Someone I know lost a close family member recently because he was stuck getting home, got lost and was found days later having died of exposure. So maybe I'm a bit Shock at some of the responses but I'd expect friends to do the decent thing.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2017 07:35

I don't think it would matter even if it were a drug come down or a hangover, friends shouldn't abandon friends. We should look after eachother especially when someone has done something stupid like take drugs or get paralytic (different story if it was Snobbly and her nieces former friend). I'd find out what happened and why his "friend" left him stranded. And assuming they're teenagers, I'd be letting the mother know.

Fluffyears · 29/08/2017 07:41

Nice friend your son has. Next time arrange a plan B so if he needs picked up a place is arranged and get a portable phone battery as I assume he had no charge and that's why his dad took so long to find him.

Neutrogena · 29/08/2017 07:43

Maybe your son was off his head on drink or drugs.
The fact he had a panic attack suggests that his mind was addled by something.

Floellabumbags · 29/08/2017 07:46

The cynic in me thinks there's more to this. Especially as most people would have already bought the rail ticket and not been reliant on their debit card.

Nuttynoo · 29/08/2017 07:50

I agree with floella. Definitely more to this. At the very least he could have gotten himself to the railway station provided he had his ticket. It's around a 30-45 walk.

He could have made the walk anyway and got the railway staff/police etc to call you. That's what most self-sufficient teens do.

MangosteenSoda · 29/08/2017 07:56

The original arrangements are relevant because they determine whether the other mum knew about your DS or not.

Was she originally meant to pick up both of them, so would have been aware your DS was being left behind? Or did her DS call her on the night and ask for a lift, in which case he could have told her anything about why your DS wasn't there.

I'm guessing from your OP that they were both planning to come back on the train, but it's not totally clear.

They must have had a falling out. It is shitty, but I wouldn't take it any further in this case.

Polter · 29/08/2017 08:05

This is the sort of thing the staff at the welfare tent would help with.

Quartz2208 · 29/08/2017 08:06

It sounds like a falling out as well. Then both rang parents (he still had phone so why take 4 hours to find)

The panic attack could be drink/drug related (which probably led to argument)

Emboo19 · 29/08/2017 08:20

Does seem like there's more to it. But you don't leave a mate with no way of getting home, argument/falling out no matter what.
But it's not for you to say anything to said friend, presuming he's over 16 to have camped without an adult, he thought he was mature enough to go and if he's under 18 you I presume agreed. He's home and safe, chalk it up to experience and tell him to find better friends.

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2017 08:26

This is that Mumsnet "giving lifts" thing again, isn't it

I can't imagine circumstances where I would turn up to collect one of mine-whatever age-in a car with 5 spare seats and not ask if anyone else needed a ride...

ThoseFemalesAreStrongAsHell · 29/08/2017 08:35

Bert I agree its madness. Even if they seemed drunk/on drugs. Infact even more so if that was the case id want to get them home safely.

gingergenius · 29/08/2017 08:37

@ThoseFemalesAreStrongAsHell agreed it was still shit, I just meant that if the lad was older with a bit more life experience it may have been slightly more manageable.

Namechangetempissue · 29/08/2017 08:45

Agree that there has to be a back story to this. Nobody would just fuck over their best friend without some kind of fall out or situation. Why on earth did it take 4 hours for your DH to find him? Did he not say 'I will be at so and so when you get here'? Or wait at the entrance or exit?

PerfumeIsAMessage · 29/08/2017 08:45

We don't know how old the son is though, do we?
Situation sounds badly managed throughout tbh. Especially as the on site police officers should have referred him to the welfare tent for info on how to get home or indeed, you should have sorted him a ticket when he rang you.