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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be angry at DSs 'friend' for abandoning him

217 replies

MrsMuddlePluck · 28/08/2017 23:54

Boys at Reading Festival. My DS had his debit card nicked so no money to get train home. His friend got a lift from his Mum in a 7 seater car home to a street half a mile from our house. Told my son it wasn't his problem that he couldnt get home. Took 4 hours for my DH to find DS to fetch him home. In the meantime he had a panic attack - hungry, dehydrated, lonely & upset.

AIBU to want to slap this selfish little sh#t for leaving him behind?

OP posts:
ThoseFemalesAreStrongAsHell · 29/08/2017 08:49

gingergenius yeah I see where you are coming from Smile.

Original poster
MrsMuddlePluck · 29/08/2017 08:50

They are both 18. They went on the train & spent the whole weekend together as part of a group. Plan was always for the 2 of them to come back by train. It was only when they left the venue that his friend said he'd got a lift home.

Mum presumably wasn't aware but I have a 7 seater too & it's 2nd nature to me to offer my services as a taxi. At a festival I'd be making sure I was sweeping up anyone in trouble.

We hadn't made other plans as we had just arrived home from our holiday abroad with the rest of the family so his coming home by train was an easy option.

The 4 hours to find him was due to there being hordes of kids at the station; nowhere to drive by; nowhere to park; and DS didn't help himself by wearing a hat & poncho combo he'd bought there so poor DH didn't recognise him anyway!

Looking at it 24hours later it's been a huge learning experience for us all & he says he loved the festival & would go to another anytime. Just hope he gives his friend a b#@!$#'g.

OP posts:
drspouse · 29/08/2017 08:54

Why didn't he have a return ticket?

Sirzy · 29/08/2017 08:56

Why could he not just come back on the train then?

ThoseFemalesAreStrongAsHell · 29/08/2017 08:57

Although tbf OP I wouldnt be furious with his friend as fallouts etc do happen. Id be furious with his mother for not giving him a lift! That is beyond me why she wouldnt give him a lift. Especially knowing she was picking them both up too.

Even if they had got seperated if i was picking up my son and his friend id make sure my son and his friend were in the car no matter what before driving home.

Original poster
MrsMuddlePluck · 29/08/2017 08:57

Lots of interesting questions here! Most of which i dont have answers to as he was so angry & tired we ended up telling him to go to bed, sleep it off & we'd talk after he'd come back from work (he's on early shift working in a coffee shop today).

He did have a return train ticket but it was with his debit card so was stolen too.

Likely to be more to it but he is being a very difficult teen and we are having a rough time trying to have rational conversations with him.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 29/08/2017 08:58

There still must Be more to it.

There's no way a friend wouldn't just say 'oh my mums picking me up now, wanna lift?'

I'm guessing something happened between the two of them at the festival.

Namechangetempissue · 29/08/2017 08:58

Eighteen? Honestly? That is old enough to have the sense to go to the welfare tent and ask for advice, water and a sit down in a safe place. Yes, his friend was a bit shit, but your DS has been a bit over dramatic about it all. I'm presuming massive hangover paranoia (hangxiety!). The four hours hunt is ridiculous! Never mind, it is a learning curve for next time. Oh, and don't ring the mum of the other kid -they are 18!!!

ThoseFemalesAreStrongAsHell · 29/08/2017 08:58

Oh xpost ive just seen she wasnt aware. Still though id have offered a lift.

Original poster
MrsMuddlePluck · 29/08/2017 08:59

Perfume...: not being a festival goer myself I didn't know there was a welfare tent. Wonder if he thought of that (probably not!).

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 29/08/2017 09:00

My dds collect waifs and strays. As did me and my sister. My mum once arrived to collect my sister from a bowie concert at mk bowl to be presented with a child of 13 who had lost her shoes her brother her money and her ticket home. I think several hours were spent( pre mobiles and internet) trying to find brother at station, queing for a payphone to phone her mum then my mum buying her a ticket home.

twoheaped · 29/08/2017 09:01

Must be the weekend for it!!
I heard my dd (15) up at 1am on Sunday morning. Went to see what was up. Her friend had fallen out with mates at Leeds festival and had no way of getting home (her parent's don't drive).
So, off we set at 01:15am. With the help of police and event management (who were a fabulous help), we managed to find her, mobile had no battery. Finally rolled into home at 06:10, v v tired Grin.
I would like to think if my dd was daft enough to get herself stranded, some kind soul would step up as I did.
I did get a lovely text from her Mum thanking me.

ThoseFemalesAreStrongAsHell · 29/08/2017 09:01

Namechangetempissue love the term hanxiety! Sums up beer fear nicely I will start using that one.

Fartypant · 29/08/2017 09:05

If you go to festivals, you know about the welfare tent

I am a bit bewildered at the level of parental toing and froing, given that they are 18

Something must have happened for 'friend' to have called his moms to pick him up. And for her to have done it!!

ilovegin112 · 29/08/2017 09:07

Unless friend didn't realise he'd lost his tickets and card, he maybe thought his friend had already got the train

littlebird7 · 29/08/2017 09:08

I would not be seeing this 'friend' ever again, abandoning your child in a moment of real need is unacceptable. There would be no way back for me. Explain the situation to your son carefully. This is not the behaviour of a friend and he would be well advised to drop him like a stone.

SchoolShoes · 29/08/2017 09:08

Ask some more about it later.

However it happened there have to be some lessons to learn about cooperation and getting along with people. And what to do when the unexpected happens.

Rachie1973 · 29/08/2017 09:09

They're 18! For Gods sake don't call the other parents.

Let go a little bit!

viques · 29/08/2017 09:09

For future reference you can buy a ticket from where you are and text the reference code to a station for someone to print out, though he would have to ask someone to insert a credit card to get the ticket(money would not be taken, so I am not sure WHY the train companies do this)

19lottie82 · 29/08/2017 09:12

I'm also in the camp that there must be more to it.

A friend wouldn't have refused to let him get a lift home for no reason.

Did they have a fight?

Assburgers · 29/08/2017 09:13

twoheaped that was a lovely thing to do.

Oblomov17 · 29/08/2017 09:15

I'm still very confused.

Friend left the venue? Without ds? Or with?

And instead of both getting the train, as planned, friend got a lift with his mum?

Did friend know that ds had had his debit card and train ticket stolen? I.e. Didn't friend realise ds couldn't get home.

But friend just left him?

And friends mum? When she picked up friend. Unplanned. Why didn't she enquire as to ds's whereabouts? And then offer a lift.

Sorry. But I'm not getting it.....

MynewnameisKy · 29/08/2017 09:15

I recently went to collect Dd12 from a teenage disco to find her with two twelve your old girls who had made no arrangements for them to get home. I ended up doing a ten mile round trip to do so.

Needless to say no thanks from the parents either.

Op glad you're Ds is ok

GinandGingerBeer · 29/08/2017 09:16

It does sound a bit shit, but on the whole festivals are helpful places, they're used to teens and they're very good at helping, they also have loads of staff and volunteers.
There's possibly more to it than meets the eye, and it's a shame it ended on a bad note, but if your son knew he'd had his train ticket stolen, he shouldn't have just presumed his mate was going to pay for him. How did he think he was getting home?

minisoksmakehardwork · 29/08/2017 09:17

Viques - I always assumed the credit card was for proving identity/creating a paper trail if tickets went missing. I used to purchase tickets for colleagues as part of my job role. Although as long as the tickets were collected it didn't matter who did it. Eg colleague A could collect B, C and D's as long as they inserted their card the requisite number of times. It also meant when tickets had been collected and forgotten about, we were able to ask and therefore trace what had happened.

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