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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's only bloody 13 years old FFS

273 replies

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 27/08/2017 23:45

My son was 13 yesterday. Today we went to ASDA and a woman that works there was staring at him. She could not take her eyes off him. She obviously realised that I had clocked her and she started saying that she couldn't believe how much taller he was than me. She couldn't have known how old he was, or that he was taller than average. It was like she was trying to justify the staring. She was blushing and apologising but I felt very uneasy about the staring.

Then tonight we went out for dinner. The waitress was in her 40's. She came over to our table numerous times and was trying to talk to DS. She was saying he looked at least 16 and how good looking he was. She had obviously overheard his name and kept saying it when talking to him. He was uncomfortable with her attention and we left after our main course as we could not have any conversation without her coming over and interrupting. She only spoke to DS and not me and it felt wrong.

My son is a nice looking boy but he's a child not an adult. We don't go out in public together that often anymore (as he's embarrassed to be seen out with his mum) but these two incidents made me very uncomfortable. WIBU to say something the next time this happens?

OP posts:
PugOnToast · 28/08/2017 09:17

@sonlypuppyfat
(I'm not criticising you - when I was about 11 I had to stop going to a green grocer my mum always sent me to as I was so harassed by one of their staff relentlessly asking me out. I know some people are super creepy)

Could it be that they were just staring at beauty? Very beautiful people tend to get stated at. If I saw a very beautiful ethereal looking child I may stare (unknowingly). But it would be nothing to do with sexual attraction!!! We are naturally drawn to beauty.

(I do not speak from experience - the grocer was just a filthy perve)

strawberrisc · 28/08/2017 09:18

Blimey. I saw a beautiful girl of about 9 or 10 at a wedding this week. She was extremely striking and I did look at her then tell her Mum she was very pretty. I hope the Mum didn't class me as a paedophile. I just thought the girl looked lovely in her bridesmaids dress. This is why I barely speak to strangers, it almost always backfires.

Mamia15 · 28/08/2017 09:19

My DS is now over 18 but when he was younger, I was shocked and disgusted at how much unwanted/inappropriate attention he used to get. Think groups of young women wolf whistling /cat calling. J

I'm now going through it again with my DD.

Grim.

Original poster
youmayfoldunderquestioning · 28/08/2017 09:19

This all went to rat shit while I was asleep!

To clarify, we went out to eat at 6.30. It wasn't busy. There were three other tables which had people at them.

It was the frequency of her coming over that bothered me and the fact that she kept calling DS by his name and trying to put herself into the conversation that bothered me.

She made both of us feel uncomfortable so we left after the main course and went home.

DS birthday was on Saturday but he saw his friends on Saturday (which was what he wanted to do) so we had dinner to celebrate last night.

And yes kids of both sexes knock on our door asking if he's in all of the time. Even though he has a phone. I didn't realise this "never happens".

OP posts:
Flyingflipflop · 28/08/2017 09:22

I didn't realise this "never happens".

Only if it doesn't fit in with other posters world view or narrative. Grin

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 28/08/2017 09:23

Who said knocking on the door doesn't happen, I missed that. We get loads of kids knocking on the door, how else do you know that they are at the door?

Email the place and complain, she spoiled your meal.

Original poster
youmayfoldunderquestioning · 28/08/2017 09:27

Yes he's 6ft and has been 6ft for about six months. His other brother (not my son but my ex-dh's eldest) is 6ft 5 so he may still be growing.. he's also got size 12 feet, which is becoming v expensive in terms of footwear.

OP posts:
JemmyBloocher · 28/08/2017 09:27

Not unreasonable at all. Tell them to piss off. If it was your daughter and young men/old men were hitting on her, you'd be expected to want to knock them out and so it shouldn't be surprising that you feel this way about your son. It's creepy and unpleasant and totally beyond my comprehension.

KarmaNoMore · 28/08/2017 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChasedByBees · 28/08/2017 09:31

I would still complain about her OP. The flirting was deeply inappropriate and the comment about serving him alcohol would be of interest to the manager. Tell them you were both so uncomfortable that your son doesn't want to return and you left early and it was meant to be a nice birthday celebration.

Northernparent68 · 28/08/2017 09:33

Is nt it best to ignore it ?

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2017 09:36

No. not best to ignore it. If an adult was being sexually inappropriate with a 13 year old it is irresponsible not to do something about it.

gotspoiler · 28/08/2017 09:36

That myth that women cannot be sexually aggressive is just a myth

So much this. I wouldn't be saying that on MN though

Believeitornot · 28/08/2017 09:39

You just look her in the eye and say "he's 13, can you stop that please". Or just a simple Hmm "what did you say?"

Basically show your son that this behaviour is unacceptable by calling her out on it.

Original poster
youmayfoldunderquestioning · 28/08/2017 09:46

I think I didn't say anything at the time because I couldn't get my head around it. Possibly because, like a lot of people, I couldn't believe that an older woman could be trying to flirt with a young boy. If DS was a girl and it was a man flirting with her I think I would have seen it for what it was much earlier on.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 28/08/2017 09:47

Grim and creepy. I remember it happening to me - very plain facially but, in the way that a lot of young teens have, a good figure (not any more sadly Sad)

Not sure what you can do in the general way of things other than glare pointedly at the starers, but in this specific instance, I would complain to the restaurant. Bloody woman shouldnt have come over pestering you like that, you had to leave early from her actions and, I am willing to bet, you wont be returning!

nina2b · 28/08/2017 09:51

Today 01:36 NoLoveofMine

I get out of it that this poster said her sons were 16 and 18 a few weeks ago and are now suddenly 13 being chatted up by 40 year old women.

Why am I not surprised? The next question is: why are more people not surprised?

CosmicPineapple · 28/08/2017 09:51

he's also got size 12 feet, which is becoming v expensive in terms of footwear.

I feel your pain!

DS is 15 in 2 weeks is 6ft 4 and has size 12 feet.
He has been 6ft since he was 13 has broad shoulders and big hands. He is mistaken for a 19/20 yo all the time.
He has had women attempting to chat him up most recently on a day trip to Blackpool where a women in the pub asked him if he would like to buy her a drink.
He said "sure I will just go ask my mum for some money"
She said "eh why ask your mum"
His reply was "well I spent all my pocket money at the pleasure beach and mum said I cant get a job until I am 16"
The woman made a quick exit.

He is pretty confident though so wasn't phased and thought it was funny.

He still looks like a little boy to me so I find it odd that older women find him attractive.

I think the waitress was out of order though given that she knew his age. Confused

nina2b · 28/08/2017 09:53

Today 09:27 youmayfoldunderquestioning

Yes he's 6ft and has been 6ft for about six months. His other brother (not my son but my ex-dh's eldest) is 6ft 5 so he may still be growing.. he's also got size 12 feet, which is becoming v expensive in terms of footwear.

That last remark is a bit off given your huge concern over this...Hmm

Original poster
youmayfoldunderquestioning · 28/08/2017 09:54

Nina. Nolove has already apologised to me for a mix up on her advanced search. I have one DS. As far as I know I don't have any other biological children.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/08/2017 09:57

Grow a spine and start standing up to people who behave this way, OP. That shows him to stand up to inappropriate behaviour. Pretty shocked at some of the responses here, sexist in the extreme.

Original poster
youmayfoldunderquestioning · 28/08/2017 09:59

Nina. For clarity. My ex husband has five children., one of which is DS. I have one 13 year old son

OP posts:
CoughLaughFart · 28/08/2017 09:59

*I get out of it that this poster said her sons were 16 and 18 a few weeks ago and are now suddenly 13 being chatted up by 40 year old women.

Why am I not surprised? The next question is: why are more people not surprised?*

Oh dear - someone really needs to RTFT. The poster you quoted admitted soon afterwards that she got the wrong person because she was pissed.

It only takes a little work not to make a prat of yourself.

couchparsnip · 28/08/2017 10:02

Why is that 'off' Nina? My DS is 11 and in size 9 shoes already. It concerns me already that he will reach 6 foot in a couple of years and may start to get inappropriate comments.

nina2b · 28/08/2017 10:03

Ok. Just skimming. The stealth boasting is about how amazingly good looking your son is - NOT that this waitress was "flirting" with him, as you allege.

Why have I had to explain that, I wonder? Do some posters really find it so hard to read relatively simple English?