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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with these parents?

298 replies

ilivebythesea · 27/08/2017 17:30

OK, deep breath..., this'll be long...

Have taken one of my DDs away for a weekend break, just the two of us. We are staying in a cottage, with about 8 other cottages around us.

We were swimming in the outdoor pool earlier in the day and DD, aged 14, made friends with 2 children. After lunch, DD asked if she could go back to the pool to play with these same children. Their parents were there, so I said yes, as long as she asked if she could play with them. I said if they weren't there or if they left the pool at any time, she had to come straight back to the cottage.

The rules on the side of the pool say no lone swimming and that children under 15 must have a parent poolside. DD is 15 in two weeks time.

DD came back saying she'd had a great time with these children. The parents were present all the time and had agreed she could play with their children.

OK, so just now, a member of staff knocked on our cottage door, saying some parents (I wonder who?) had phoned the office (which is not open as it's sunday), to complain, sorry, I meant voice their concern that a child was swimming alone in the pool and that they'd had to supervise her! Staff member kept saying no-one is allowed to swim solo (she wasn't) and if she's under 15, I had to be there. She's hardly going to be any different in two weeks time when she is 15. Staff member obviously believes other parents story.

Now I feel like shit. She's a competent swimmer, responsible teenager and I was trying to give her some independence, especially as she's quite shy. She's really upset too. I trust her completely when she says she wasn't alone and that she'd asked the parents if she could play with their children. At no time did I or DD ask them to assume parental responsibility for her.

They know which cottage we are in, so why not come and speak to me about it, rather than tell tales and lies and upset us both. Feel like packing up early and going home...

OP posts:
EyesUnderARock · 27/08/2017 23:16

Get caught drinking in a bar at almost 18, having sex at almost 16, see if you can plead that you're almost legal. Choose a resort that has rules you can keep. Not complicated.

frogsoup · 27/08/2017 23:17

Because otherwise your children may die in a crash?

Bonkers as conkers.

AgentProvocateur · 27/08/2017 23:17

Where on earth are you that 14 year olds need supervised in the pool? They can go alone at 8 in most pools round here.

Fuckit2017 · 27/08/2017 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackieJerkhart · 27/08/2017 23:23

The more I think about this the more I think it odd that they reported it and it leads me to suspect perhaps OPs daugher was maybe messing around or being cheeky or something that made them think maybe she wasn't actually responsible enough to be there without her mother. The fact OP talks about "playing with the other children" (one of which was also 14!) and that she sent her DD to ask permission to play and to come straight back if they left indicates the DD isn't as mature as most 14 year olds would be so perhaps her immaturity was very obvious when her mother wasn't there and they decided they didn't want to be responsible if she misbehaved/carried on and slipped and hurt herself or something.

Jg1 · 27/08/2017 23:24

There's clearly 2 camps here; I wonder what age the YWBU are & the YWNBU are?
I'm Camp YWNBU @ 49

Cabininthewoods69 · 27/08/2017 23:24

Ignore it and enjoy your holiday. I always end up looking after ither peoples children and it doesnt bother me at all.

LucieLucie · 27/08/2017 23:29

Yanbu,but this is honestly one of the strangest threads I've ever read on here Hmm

Honestly, the uproar from MN vipers about this but never mind because in 14 days time it will have been perfectly acceptable and no one could say a thing.

The world is full of absolute morons op.

Jg1 · 27/08/2017 23:31

BackieJerkhart

"Playing with the other children" means anything under adult age. It's just a turn of phrase. I'dve said kids not children but its the same thing.

To adk permisdion and come straight back afyet is a sign of maturity, responsibility and politeness in my world

BackieJerkhart · 27/08/2017 23:33

I see it differently Jg.

KarmaNoMore · 27/08/2017 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jg1 · 27/08/2017 23:36

*BackieJerkhart

I see it differently Jg.*

Obviously.

Mittens1969 · 27/08/2017 23:37

Why are so many of you speaking of a nearly 15 year old as a child who needs supervision in the pool? The only thing that went wrong was the girl giving away the fact that she hadn't yet turned 15.

ShotsFired · 27/08/2017 23:39

I wonder where people would draw a line then.

We know the published rule -for whatever reason- is 15.

Pp here are saying 14yrs 50wks is close enough.

Is 14yrs 1wk close enough?
13yrs 30wks?
13yrs bang on?

If not, why not?

Why should someone working at the holiday place have to be responsible for gauging and approving/disapproving every single "almost 15" on a case by case basis when they have a rule already?

TheNoodlesIncident · 27/08/2017 23:39

But if OP is assuming the other parents would be there then she was effectively forcing them to act in loco parentis to her dd. And while that might be OK while things go well, if there was an accident (which CAN happen) then it would all be very unpleasant and awkward for them, wouldn't it? Although it seems unlikely, say OP's dd slipped on the side, banged her head, fell in the pool and had to be hauled out - it ain't nice for anyone...

And FWIW, I have social awkwardness in bucketloads and would much rather pass my concerns to the staff to address, rather than trying to tactfully mention it to the relevant parent and most likely being too blunt and getting their back up. I'm cringing just at the thought of having to approach a parent to say You should be keeping an eye on your own kid you know... I wouldn't be doing it because I want to be mean or a dick

BackieJerkhart · 27/08/2017 23:45

Obviously.

Confused
Willow2017 · 28/08/2017 00:00

Lots of traffic rules are silly and didn't exist when I started driving. Like car seats for children, not just babies and rear seat belts. Why should I obey silly rules that are restricting my free spirit?

This is a joke yes? (sometimes it hard to tell these days)

Nobody but the deluded think they are a 'free spirit' anymore...do they?

(Well there was that OP on the thread recently who thought she shouldnt have to actually work to get pots of money but other boring people could do all the hard work for a pittance as they werent free spirits who could piss it up against a wall like she deserved to)

Jg1 · 28/08/2017 00:01

*BackieJerkhart

Obviously.*

Your point being?

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 00:17

My point? That was your comment! Confused

Jg1 · 28/08/2017 07:09

BackieJerkhart

I know. I just wondered what point you were making by repeating it?

missmollyhadadolly · 28/08/2017 07:21

The parents were twats.

OP, hold your head high and enjoy the rest of your break in the beautiful weather. Don't let them ruin it for you.

Ignore the fuckers and enjoy the pool with DD.

Squeegle · 28/08/2017 07:31

What a lot of strange comments on here ilivebythesea, of course YANBU. You weren't expecting these parents to supervise you were just ensuring that your DD was not lone swimming.
Shame on all these posters who are effectively cyber bullying you when they know you're upset. This is supposed to be a group to support- not to victimise.

If you have the courage, go and speak to the parents, explain that your daughter is 15 and you don't expect them to supervise and sorry if they thought they did.

Squeegle · 28/08/2017 07:33

Ps noodles, FGS, anyone if any age can slip and bang their head in the pool, even a 50 year old. Do we all need supervision?

TipTopTipTopClop · 28/08/2017 07:43

I've never seen this degree of reverence for an arbitrary rule, having insurance company fingerprints all over it, outside of the DMV. Does everyone here work for the DMV?

She's 14. Not 15. The rules say 15. Not 14 and 50 weeks. To paraphrase, "Their resort, their rules

Good grief. You must be the life and soul of the party.

PandorasXbox · 28/08/2017 07:51

They were nipping it in the bud. As far as they were concerned this could be a daily occurrence...your daughter going to the pool alone and them feeling as though they need to supervise. For all they know you could have been one of those people who wanted to be able to go off and do their own thing while they look after your child!

Are you mad? The girl is almost 15 not 6. An almost 15 year old does not need looking after.

This thread has been a huge eye opener at the level of utter twattery on MN these days.