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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with these parents?

298 replies

ilivebythesea · 27/08/2017 17:30

OK, deep breath..., this'll be long...

Have taken one of my DDs away for a weekend break, just the two of us. We are staying in a cottage, with about 8 other cottages around us.

We were swimming in the outdoor pool earlier in the day and DD, aged 14, made friends with 2 children. After lunch, DD asked if she could go back to the pool to play with these same children. Their parents were there, so I said yes, as long as she asked if she could play with them. I said if they weren't there or if they left the pool at any time, she had to come straight back to the cottage.

The rules on the side of the pool say no lone swimming and that children under 15 must have a parent poolside. DD is 15 in two weeks time.

DD came back saying she'd had a great time with these children. The parents were present all the time and had agreed she could play with their children.

OK, so just now, a member of staff knocked on our cottage door, saying some parents (I wonder who?) had phoned the office (which is not open as it's sunday), to complain, sorry, I meant voice their concern that a child was swimming alone in the pool and that they'd had to supervise her! Staff member kept saying no-one is allowed to swim solo (she wasn't) and if she's under 15, I had to be there. She's hardly going to be any different in two weeks time when she is 15. Staff member obviously believes other parents story.

Now I feel like shit. She's a competent swimmer, responsible teenager and I was trying to give her some independence, especially as she's quite shy. She's really upset too. I trust her completely when she says she wasn't alone and that she'd asked the parents if she could play with their children. At no time did I or DD ask them to assume parental responsibility for her.

They know which cottage we are in, so why not come and speak to me about it, rather than tell tales and lies and upset us both. Feel like packing up early and going home...

OP posts:
JigglyTuff · 27/08/2017 22:19

I don't think she needed supervision either. But getting her to ask the other parents if it was okay if she could play with their children did, I suspect, make them feel they were responsible for her.

That's a bit odd isn't it?

Either she's a confident swimming independent, don't need an adult around 14 year old - in which case she doesn't need to ask parents if she can play with their children; or she's a really nervous, needs supervision type, in which case the OP should be there.

Being an independent swimmer and asking parents if it's okay to play with their children is very confused.

Ferrisday · 27/08/2017 22:22

why on earth didn't you/she just say she was 15?
It's 8 at our pool, 15 is ridiculous.

That's very mean of the parents to phone the office

dollydayscream · 27/08/2017 22:27

I'm with you op.

At nearly 15 there is very little that the other parents would actually have to do. I doubt they were watching your daughter anxiously worrying that she might drown at any moment.

Some people are dicks, don't let them bring you down xx

mcpound · 27/08/2017 22:28

Wow I'm amazed by some of the responses on here. Putting the pool rule aside as she was only 2 weeks off 15 I wouldn't have even told my DC to ask permission from the parents to 'play' with their kids. It's a communal pool and she was practically 15yrs old. She should have just turned up and hung out with the other kids with no permission required. At 14/15yrs old your old enough to work out of you get on with other kids or not. It's got nothing to do with the parents as it's not exclusively their pool.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2017 22:31

I certainly woukd not feel the need to supervise a 14 year old, 4 yes, not 14!

working925 · 27/08/2017 22:37

Goodness me - if someone asked to play with my 15 year old I still wouldn't feel responsible for them. If we wanted to leave I would just do so. I can't ever imagine even mentioning it to anyone let alone complaining!

cluelessnewmum · 27/08/2017 22:37

Some people are sticklers for rules and if they knew or thought your DD was younger than 15 then they obviously felt they were in a position of being involuntarily in loco parents, which they resented. They obviously contacted the office as they didn't want it to become a habit.

The hotel rule of requiring supervision until 15 is silly but you can't blame these parents for this.

Obviously it makes it awkward and it's not nice when you feel someone thinks ill of you but I'd just move on. If you want to avoid awkwardness just give a cheery wave tomorrow and say sorry about yday, I didn't realise there was a supervision rule, won't happen again, and leave it at that.

Dealing with it with maturity sets a good example for your DD.

Mittens1969 · 27/08/2017 22:44

The odd thing is that 14 year olds can be left in charge of younger siblings so no way would I think of her as a child that needed to be supervised.

balsamicbarbara · 27/08/2017 22:50

I'm with you Ferris. I can't understand why a 14 year old wouldn't just say they were 15 for an easy life. It was the norm for us to say we were 18 back in the day to get served in pubs even when we weren't (before all the challenge 25 rubbish)

frogsoup · 27/08/2017 22:52

All these "you must follow the rules even if they are daft" people - why? Why should you follow daft rules? If they are clearly daft, then why not break them? Who loses out? In this case, nobody. Daft rules give good rules a bad name.

ovenchips · 27/08/2017 22:54

Ack, it's an unfortunate situation OP. You thought it reasonable (can see your POV), they did not (can see their POV too).

I think the absolute best and most important thing to do is not let it spoil your holiday. Have a glass of wine, a good night's sleep and hopefully by tomorrow those two things will provide mental distance from today's unpleasantness.

It can't have been nice having management come and give you a 'ticking off'. All of us would dislike that. But when you think about it, nothing 'bad' has actually happened. Some other people got the hump about something you didn't think they needed to.

Sounds like a lovely holiday idea you have had for you and your teenage DD to go away for a break together. If you can, try and make the most of this golden opportunity from tomorrow. Don't let this unpleasant incident today spoil what could be a special time together.

Go and have that wine, then that lovely sleep. Then tomorrow - onwards and upwards.Wine

Ragusa · 27/08/2017 22:56

Good grief. Has the world gone mad? I can only imagine the dobber parents were applying the lens they used for their much younger children. A nearly 15 year old needing supervision of any sort?? Get away! Something has gone seriously wrong with parenting mores if we believe a 14 year old needs supervision in thd pool. At 14 I came home from school, packed up my bag, got the bus to our local pool, swam alone or with a friend, got some chips from cafe, worked a 4 hr shift at the supermarket and then came home alone! I realise that sounds monty pythonesque but it is the truth. And I'm not even that old.
The other parents are being totally ridiculous. Had your dd asked me if it was OK to play with my children I would have totally thought she meant "do you have plans/ am I in your way?" Not "can you look after me?". FFS.

EyesUnderARock · 27/08/2017 22:59

Because you get points on your licence, or fines, or a serious frowning that embarrasses you and makes you want to scuttle back home?
It takes a certain quality to be a rebel, a lack of concern for social niceties and expectations. OP broke a petty rule and she's uncomfortable rather than filled with the spirit of revolution.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 27/08/2017 23:04

Oh dear OP you are not unreasonable at all. Next time just tell your DD to say she is 15. Most swimming pools say under 8's need to be supervised and the 15 rule is both unreasonable and laughable.

I do not advocate breaking any rules that I don't particularly like just for that reason but there really ought to be some logical reasoning behind them. What if it had said 17 & 3/4 or 23 or 39?

MudCity · 27/08/2017 23:06

They were nipping it in the bud. As far as they were concerned this could be a daily occurrence...your daughter going to the pool alone and them feeling as though they need to supervise. For all they know you could have been one of those people who wanted to be able to go off and do their own thing while they look after your child! Your expectations don't come into it. As far as they were concerned, your daughter needed to be supervised as per the rules and they needed to take on that responsibility because you weren't there.

Don't leave your holiday though OP. If you see them tomorrow, apologise and say you didn't mean to cause them any inconvenience. I am sure they will be fine about it. It will be a great example to your daughter about taking responsibility whereas abandoning the holiday just makes this into a huge issue and implies it cannot be resolved.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

KarmaNoMore · 27/08/2017 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeyroar · 27/08/2017 23:07

Frogsoup you have to follow the daft rule because you want to stay in the nice cottage with the nice pool (and daft rules). And the person that owns the place says that's how they want their guests to conduct themselves. If you don't want daft rules stay somewhere that doesn't have rules like that. It's easy!

frogsoup · 27/08/2017 23:07

Eh? Points on your license are for breaking traffic rules, which are there for a bloody good reason!! Nothing to do with a hotel trying to treat a nearly-15 year old like an 8yo?!!! There's no breaking of any societal expectation, just a bloody ridiculous rule dreamt up by somebody with no concept of what a teenager can do by themselves!

lotsofconfuse · 27/08/2017 23:07

So you didn't speak to the parents, and just assumed they'd watch your child? I'd be pretty pissed off too! Hmm

Ferrisday · 27/08/2017 23:09

But they didn't have to look after the child, she's 14 Confused

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 27/08/2017 23:09

Lots of these responses re supervision make perfect sense if we are talking about a 10 year old - but 14! Really?

frogsoup · 27/08/2017 23:09

Alternatively honeyroar you tell your 2-weeks-away-from-being-15yo to say she is already 15 if asked. I promise the police will not arrest you

lotsofconfuse · 27/08/2017 23:11

But she wasn't supposed to be swimming unsupervised, and she clearly told the child that if the parents were to leave she should return, therefore assuming they would be responsible for her child Confused

frogsoup · 27/08/2017 23:12

Honestly, you'd think I'd just suggested the op let her daughter drive a car down the M11. I am really not much of a rebel. How much of an insane overconformist do you have to be to think pretending your teenager is 2 weeks older than she actually is is in any sense a big deal?!!!

EyesUnderARock · 27/08/2017 23:13

Lots of traffic rules are silly and didn't exist when I started driving. Like car seats for children, not just babies and rear seat belts. Why should I obey silly rules that are restricting my free spirit?