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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with these parents?

298 replies

ilivebythesea · 27/08/2017 17:30

OK, deep breath..., this'll be long...

Have taken one of my DDs away for a weekend break, just the two of us. We are staying in a cottage, with about 8 other cottages around us.

We were swimming in the outdoor pool earlier in the day and DD, aged 14, made friends with 2 children. After lunch, DD asked if she could go back to the pool to play with these same children. Their parents were there, so I said yes, as long as she asked if she could play with them. I said if they weren't there or if they left the pool at any time, she had to come straight back to the cottage.

The rules on the side of the pool say no lone swimming and that children under 15 must have a parent poolside. DD is 15 in two weeks time.

DD came back saying she'd had a great time with these children. The parents were present all the time and had agreed she could play with their children.

OK, so just now, a member of staff knocked on our cottage door, saying some parents (I wonder who?) had phoned the office (which is not open as it's sunday), to complain, sorry, I meant voice their concern that a child was swimming alone in the pool and that they'd had to supervise her! Staff member kept saying no-one is allowed to swim solo (she wasn't) and if she's under 15, I had to be there. She's hardly going to be any different in two weeks time when she is 15. Staff member obviously believes other parents story.

Now I feel like shit. She's a competent swimmer, responsible teenager and I was trying to give her some independence, especially as she's quite shy. She's really upset too. I trust her completely when she says she wasn't alone and that she'd asked the parents if she could play with their children. At no time did I or DD ask them to assume parental responsibility for her.

They know which cottage we are in, so why not come and speak to me about it, rather than tell tales and lies and upset us both. Feel like packing up early and going home...

OP posts:

Original poster

ilivebythesea · 28/08/2017 08:11

Good morning, I thought I should clarify a few things:

DD is 5'7" and also looks older than her years. She's passed the Rookie Lifeguard Gold scheme and belongs to a swimming club. The other parents were aware of this as they'd commented on what a brilliant swimmer she was, so DD had been telling them about her club.

She'd been interacting with them (I won't use playing as some find this a strange term, and messing/mucking about might imply unruliness to others...) the whole morning. When we left for lunch, their children (boy, 12 years, girl, 14 years) begged my DD to come back after lunch. All within the hearing of their parents.

After our lunch, DD asked if she could go back to the pool, but was concerned the parents might want some family time and she'd be in the way. That's why I said, just ask them if it's OK, but not to ask the kids as they'd just say it was fine.

The parents lay roasting on loungers the whole time, so there was no supervision of their children or my DD. In fact they got free childcare and the children got a free swimming lesson too.

When the parents wanted to leave, they just said time to go and my DD just packed up her stuff and left too - no drama. There was no falling out amongst them, no dangerous stunts, and in fact my DD had to tell the boy not to run round the edge of the pool and push his sister in.

Also, I'm neither a shouty fishwife, nor a shrinking violet as others have suggested, just a normal, average person!

I do think the, you broke the rules, deal with it attitude, is a bit, woah, ok! I'm surprised that so many mns never break any rule anytime anyplace.

It seems being a polite, courteous, sensible and friendly teenager is frowned upon then!

OP posts:

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 08:14

I just wondered what point you were making by repeating it?

Didn't the give you a clue? You really are being very strange towards me. Is there a reason for that?

Penny4UrThoughts · 28/08/2017 08:15

I've never seen this degree of reverence for an arbitrary rule, having insurance company fingerprints all over it, outside of the DMV. Does everyone here work for the DMV?

I think the op is being unreasonable.

Not because she didn't adhere to the rule. I took my 14 year and 11 month old son to see a 15 film. There's a super-high chance I would have let my kids go there on their own under 15yo too.

But I would not have expected someone else's parents to take responsibility and her reaction is unreasonable. It's a fair cop. She was caught out. And now she is playing the victim, blaming others and wanting to pack up and go home.

THAT is why she is being unreasonable.

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 08:15

FGS, anyone if any age can slip and bang their head in the pool, even a 50 year old. Do we all need supervision?

Well the rule in the pool OP is at says no lone swimming so yes, in this case we all need supervision.

SandSnakeOfDorne · 28/08/2017 08:19

This is all very bizarre. It's very unusual for a 14 year-old to require supervision in a swimming pool. Most places allow 8 and up unsupervised. The only thing I can think of is that the other family aren't happy to break the ridiculous rule and as your daughter has their kids are now asking to go to the pool by themselves.

PandorasXbox · 28/08/2017 08:19

Penny the DD was responsible for herself. Why? Because she's almost 15 and a competent swimmer.

Only someone who was slightly deranged and very mean spirited would have complained about this especially given the fact the DD has been playing with the children!

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 08:20

so there was no supervision of their children or my DD.

Well there was because they were there. The rule says a parent must be poolside and they were poolside.

In fact they got free childcare and the children got a free swimming lesson too.

Ha! You can't seriously assert that your 14 year old needs no supervision and then assert she was providing chidlcare for another 14 year old! You can't have it both ways.

PandorasXbox · 28/08/2017 08:22

No lone swimming? Bollocks. So if I wanted an early morning swim I'd have to drag DH along to supervise me?

LaughingElliot · 28/08/2017 08:22

Oh ignore the fishwife style posts OP. You did nothing wrong. What a storm in a teacup

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 08:22

As it stands I suspect there is more to it than we know. If all is as OP says andnthis family were so happy to have her DD there then it makes no sense that they would report her. Either they weren't as happy with the situation as OP claims or it wasn't them that reported.

dowhatyouwish · 28/08/2017 08:23

I think the fact that the sign says a parent should supervise anyone under 15 means that you should have gone with her. I know it's annoying as she is so close to 15, but the rules were very clear. She needs supervision as she is 14, if you aren't doing the supervising then in a roundabout way you are leaving the other parents to do it for you should anything happen and I do think that is slightly unfair for them.

I personally wouldn't complain about it though I would come and speak to you about it I found it annoying to supervise someone else's child.

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 08:23

So if I wanted an early morning swim I'd have to drag DH along to supervise me?

You would have to clarify that with the owners. I didn't make their swimming rules!

Original poster

ilivebythesea · 28/08/2017 08:25

I forgot to say, the birthdays thing had come up during the morning, again in earshot of me and their parents. Their girl was showing my DD her new phone, saying she'd got it for her birthday. My dd said she'd like a new phone for hers too. So then it's when's your birthday, how old are you etc.

Thank you to the pps who've said, chin up!

OP posts:

Gorgosparta · 28/08/2017 08:25

No lone swimming? Bollocks. So if I wanted an early morning swim I'd have to drag DH along to supervise me?

I know loads of places that have this rule. Including loads of villas.

Wether you stick to it or not is your choice. But if you get spoken to about it, then its your choice.

Penny4UrThoughts · 28/08/2017 08:31

But Pandora - the 14yo had asked the parents if she could be there with their children.

Had I been the parent, I would also have felt like that left me with implied responsibility. Wouldn't you? Whether or not it was intended to be that way, that's what happened. And the parents weren't happy with that. And complained. Which is also not unreasonable. Yes, it might have been better to mention it to the op, but they choose not to for whatever reason.

Whatever, it's tough. Op was in the wrong (whether or not you agree with the rule, and as I say I would have flauted it too, most probably) and was caught out. It's not like the hotel have banned their family or taken extreme measures. They just reiterated the rule that op already knew. No big deal!

PandorasXbox · 28/08/2017 08:31

I've been to hundreds of hotels all over the world and have never seen the rule about lone swimming.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/08/2017 08:33

Op I totally agree with you, I would be pissed off with them. But enjoy the rest of your holiday, plan nice things and forget them. Yes even adults can slip and fall in a pool, you know her abilities and skills, and she was your responsibility not theirs. Why they felt the need to 'supervise' a 14 year old competent swimmer I do not know. As I said at her age I was travelling by coach from London to York to see my brothers, and I used to go to the leisure centre on my own to swim (shock horror), your dd was and is a better swimmer than me. I can hold me own, but I am not swimming club standard.

Very heavy handed of them. If they found her annoying, they should have sent her back. But also its her right to be there and swim just as much theirs.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 28/08/2017 08:33

I think the OP is in the wrong here. Yes, the rule about 15 seems ridiculous but it's presumably an insurance issue. There has to be a cut off somewhere. The fact that the OP's dd is a brilliant swimmer is irrelevant.

Presumably the other parents are worried that this will become a regular occurrence. If it had been me I'd have put up with it once but probably would have said something the second time.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/08/2017 08:33

Oh ignore the fishwife style posts OP.

You did nothing wrong.

Errrr yes she did. She broke the places rules. She may not agree with them. It doesn't however change that fact.

PandorasXbox · 28/08/2017 08:35

No I wouldn't have felt responsible for an almost 15 year old competent swimmer that wanted to hang out with my dc whilst I lay flat out in a sun bed. I can't get my head around anyone that would tbh.

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 08:35

I've been to hundreds of hotels all over the world and have never seen the rule about lone swimming.

Neither have I, but this place apparently has it.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/08/2017 08:36

I've been to hundreds of hotels all over the world and have never seen the rule about lone swimming.

Which is irrelevant really. This place has. Will be in the t&c that OP signed up to.

MarcelineTheVampire · 28/08/2017 08:37

Oh for goodness sake, it's hardly the crime of the century. OP knows her child's competence in the swimming pool and would hardly allow her in there without her if she was going to drown.

I was playing on my own in the pool at 12, I'm a strong swimmer and my parents trusted me. The other parents were beyond ridiculous to complain.

flumpybear · 28/08/2017 08:38

I do think the, you broke the rules, deal with it attitude, is a bit, woah, ok! I'm surprised that so many mns never break any rule anytime anyplace.

Really OP? Of course we break rules from time to time, but trying to blame
Someone else for your wrong doing is childish and selfish if you - suck it up, you were in the wrong - if their insurance policies were invalid because of your child swimming without you being present, and there was an accident which needs significant money, they'll come after you, perhaps they'd take you to court and maybe you'd lose everything you own - does that
Seem to bring it home
To you that perhaps you're being selfish and wrong?!

CantThinkOfAUserNameNotTaken · 28/08/2017 08:41

Are you sure this family complained and not someone else at the pool who saw your dd without you? Seems strange they would given the context unless your dd is omitting some details and they were trying to ditch her all day?

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