To make her get the bus?

[kitkat321]

Having a BBQ at mine this weekend and have invited family round. My mum lives 35 miles away, doesn't drive but can get a bus then train to ours which will take about an hour then do the same on the way home.

She's initially assumed that after the BBQ I'd be taking her on the 90 minute round trip home.

AIBU or after hosting a BBQ for 8 people and doing all the cooking/prep should I be driving her home?

Middle Aged Woman Forced To Take Public Transport On August Evening shock horror...

Because there's a difference between expecting a 57 yr old and a 92 yr old to be traveling independently.

Think people are being abit mean to op!
I know its her mum and i would want to take my mother home also..... But if you are hosting a bbq at home one of the perks is you dont have to travel and can enjoy some drinks if you wish to etc.
If you know you have a journey to make later that day it will have s impact on your planner evening. So no i dont think op is being mean or her husband to be honest.
Think mum needs to make it so she can stay overnight or atleast ask and not assume a lift will be there the same eve as bbq.
Hope u enjoy your bbq and mum can still come somehow op xxx

That is the second entirely unreasonable mention of a dead mother on this thread. Over a lift home. This place really has gone to the dogs (probably by bus)

Of course her mum can come. And then take public transport home. She doesn't need to stay the bloody night or be chauffeured about or escorted to her door. She is a presumably competent and mobile middle-aged women. We walk (alone and quite independently) among you...

I don't think there is much meanness to the OP. She doesn't want to take her DM home on a 90 minute round trip after holding a BBQ and the majority of posters agree with her!

Ageism is starting earlier and earlier it seems. I really hate that anyone under 40 thinks anyone over 50 is old and dothery.

The mum is 57 FGS. It will be daylight when she goes for train, her son will be with her on the train. If necessary, he can walk with her to the bus, make sure she gets on ( and doesn't disappear to the nearest pub!), and he can continue on his own journey.

FFS this is absolutely ridiculous.

Oh an by the way if Mum has your daughter on the Monday, how does daughter get there? Maybe already said.

So your Mum and DB can split the cost of a cab?

Sorry everyone i started writing my msg ages ago but got distracted so only just sent it so thread moved on alot since then but yes i agree with majority you are not being unreasonable op enjoy a drink at your bbq x

I don't drive and I live around a 25 min drive away from my mum.
If I want to go over to hers I either have to get trains/buses/a combination of both. It takes me longer than it would for her to drive me, but I choose not to drive and that's not her fault. I'd never inconvenience her by asking for a lift. Obviously if she offered me a lift I wouldn't turn it down, but if it meant her not being able to have a drink at her own BBQ, of course I'd just get the bus! I don't understand why your mum can't!

Tell her that you can collect her, but she will have to get the bus home as youre planning on having a drink.
If you offer to collect her, then it doesnt sound as bad to not do the lift back

YADNBU - I'm 55 and would be embarrassed to ask for someone to drive me when I'm more than capable of getting there and back myself.

It doesn't sound bad anyway! As you are the one holding the BBQ can't your brother bring her if someone has to bring her?

She's sounding more and more like a parcel to be delivered as this thread goes on!

I am taken aback that someone who is quite a few years younger than me is so feeble! (unless of course she is not well or there is something wrong with her.... just have to add that before I get jumped on!)

Agree to collect her but that she has to find her own way home

She doesn't need collecting, and the OP will be busy.

It's an hour's local journey for a middle-aged woman. I can assure you that most of us do that kind of thing all the time.

I can't help thinking, that, if you don't drive, then you are used to traveling on public transport.
If not, you must have a limited life.
It is never the host's responsibility to get guests home. If you are invited somewhere, then you weigh up how much you want to be there vs how easy / difficult / expensive / time consuming it is to be somewhere.

This!

How does she normally get to places?

What conversation has gone one so far? She has assumed you'll taxi her-what did you say to her when she said this?

What appointment has she got early in BH Monday?

I'm in my 50s and I can still do all sorts of things I even have a job!
A job! I know! In my 50s!

I could catch a bus too but would need to rest the next day.

Ffs

I'm in my 50s and I have a hangover after lurching home through the south London streets at midnight last night.

I had been, in fact, to a barbecue.

motherinferior

You had a drink! In your 50s? Calm down there, you'll be having sex next.

Op has she climbed on a bus or you dropping her off

This thread is really funny.

My mum is 68 (!!!) and still works, and drives an hour round trip to get to and from work. She also is fully capable of getting public transport and actually goes out - at night!!

I also have colleagues aged up to 69 who work full time on busy wards.
They drive and go out socially and travel etc.

Ok, it was my mum I'd still give her a lift but we're very close and we'd chat all the way home.
OP is not close to her mum. So she doesn't want to drive her home really.

As long as DM is fit and the public transport is reliable then YANBU.