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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Male beauticians and waxing!!

308 replies

Emboo19 · 25/08/2017 12:46

This is based on a friends experience, not mine and it's not so much a AIBU. But we've been discussing it at length and I'm interested in others thoughts.
So would you be ok with a male beautician doing intimate waxing? Would it depend on quite how intimate, so a bikini wax would be ok, but a all off not so much?

I'm not actually sure myself. A part of me thinks it's no different to a male doctor or nurse and I'd be fine with that. Definitely wouldn't have a problem with any other beauty treatments being done by a man, but waxing that invloves no underwear, I'm not sure!!

OP posts:
IloveBanff · 25/08/2017 13:47

PaganGoddessBrigid "And I imagine it feels like an execution."

Confused Huh?

Original poster
Emboo19 · 25/08/2017 13:48

Thanks for the replies, a bit of a mixed bag.

The friend in question was asked when she phoned to book, she declined and booked for a different time with a female. She was just feeling a bit bad about it, as others have said he'd just be doing his job. So we were discussing it and as our male friend said, he gets waxed by females.

I'm still unsure myself, and it's definitely not an attraction/sexual thing. It would maybe depend on if I'd been to them for other treatments and how comfortable I felt. But then I do only go to the same woman and feel weird if she's away and one of the others does it.

OP posts:
Pigface1 · 25/08/2017 13:49

I wouldn't be happy with it. Doctors and beauticians are not comparable - medicine is a highly regulated profession for a start.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 25/08/2017 13:50

I feel the same whether they're male or female tbh. I bloody hate bikini waxes! I'm not prudish, I just hate the whole experience. I'm fine with smear tests, didn't mind people poking about when I was in labour etc. I think it's the fact it's a little undignified (as are smear tests) but very much non-essential.

Having said that, I might have a wax before I give birth to dc2, (currently pregnant). I usually use veet, but can't in pregnancy apparently. If the beauty therapist turns out to be male, I don't think I'd be fussed. I have a good salon near me so assume anyone who works there is a professional.

PaganGoddessBrigid · 25/08/2017 13:50

Painful. I imagine it feels painful.

noeffingidea · 25/08/2017 13:51

Emboo your friend doesn't need to feel bad about it. It's her body and it's up to her who gets to touch or even see it.

StarHeartDiamond · 25/08/2017 13:52

I have no problem with male hcp including male midwives, and males for beauty things like eyebrows and nails, but I wouldn't want my bikini line done by a male beautician unless I had seen or met them first and thought they had the right manner/thought I could relax with them. I'm not saying they'd be giggly/creepy or whatever but it's an unusual and intimate job for a male, so I'd want to have that instinctive trust or loud or acceptance, whatever it is, of them before I stripped to my knickers. Even my female beautician leaves the room whilst I get undressed and dressed because it's dignity, even though in between she had seen my nethers (depending on how far down I'm having the bikini line taken!!)

I have a male dentist who is awesome (two actually I can think of) and one who gives me the creeps. It's more based on the person themselves and their manner.

In the NHS you don't get offered a choice of male or female hcp, (you can of course out in a special request but that's not being offered) you get what you're given and usually you're grateful for the appointment. Whereas with a paid for beauty treatment you can and do have lots of choice so you should pick somewhere and someone you feel comfortable with, whoever that light be.

StarHeartDiamond · 25/08/2017 13:52

*or bond

InvisibleCities · 25/08/2017 13:55

They are professionals?! They are waxers. No offence meant to beauty therapists but it's not like they spend 5 years at waxing college and are then under a strict code of ethics and conduct.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 25/08/2017 13:57

I think it was because she just automatically said no, noeffingidea and then thought after, why would it bother her.

I agree it's not the same as medical professionals, but then in a good salon staff would be qualified and their certificates can be seen etc so it's not just anyone who fancies doing it. I wouldn't go to anyone who hadn't actually done a full beauty therapist qualification.

OP posts:
LazySusan11 · 25/08/2017 13:58

I wouldn't be comfortable, I have waxing and given the positions you have to adopt to get to your fanjo there's no way I would want a man doing it.

stitchglitched · 25/08/2017 13:59

I'm glad they warned her when she booked, I can imagine that if it is just sprung on women on arrival some may feel obliged not to 'make a fuss' and go ahead out of politeness when they don't want to.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 25/08/2017 14:01

invisible

If that was to me, I think I meant that they are professionals; that I think they would behave professionally.

Op, I don't think your friend needs to feel bad though. Her choice. Personally I don't like anyone waxing my vulva. Their gender doesn't really come into it.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 25/08/2017 14:05

She's not losing sleep over it or anything. It just brought up the discussion and she said she felt bad that her first thought was 'no way'.

OP posts:
Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 25/08/2017 14:05

Well I've never had a bikini wax because I don't want the pain and I'd not be very happy with someone that close my my privates unless it's for sex. Or essential medical reasons.

So I can't speak for that but I'd be ok with leg waxing and so on. You can be covered with a towel after all.

CatsAreAssholes · 25/08/2017 14:10

sure they have an expectation to be discriminated against in the workplace.

Hmm yes their emoloyer should not abuse them based on their sex but a woman has no obligation to show her vagina to him. That is not discrimination.

Please can everyone stop telling women they have to be comfortable with their bodies being touched by strange males or it's 'discrimination'.

One poster on another thread said it would be the same as not using a woman mechanic. Hmm No one thinks a male doctor, midwife, waxer is not capable of doing the job. They think women should be afforded some dignity and that a human female with feelings is different than a car.

CatsAreAssholes · 25/08/2017 14:11

And I'm angry the op's friend feels bad about a perfectly reasonable choice. Women shouldn't feel bad for saying no.

Papafran · 25/08/2017 14:19

They are professionals?! They are waxers. No offence meant to beauty therapists but it's not like they spend 5 years at waxing college and are then under a strict code of ethics and conduct

Can't say I have ever read about a male beautician sexually abusing and assaulting women. However, I have read several times about male doctors drugging, raping and otherwise sexually abusing female patients. Seems that the 5 years of uni and the ethics code made little difference in those cases...
I have taught myself to do home Brazilian waxing, so I would not pay either sex £30 to rip hairs out of my genital area. But if I was going to, I would not mind if a male waxer waxed me.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 25/08/2017 14:19

I don't think anybody should feel bad about wanting a doctor / nurse / midwife / beautician of the same sex as they are, if that's what they want.

I imagine some men would rather have a wax from another man too. They shouldn't have to feel bad about that.

Though, clearly some people genuinely aren't all that fussed. I have had a few gynaecological exams by male doctors and it was no problem. All my midwives were female when I had dc1, but I don't think I'd mind a male, (though haven't had one yet so don't know).

With waxes I find it harder to answer as I don't like them full stop. Don't care who's doing it, so maybe I shouldn't actually be posting!

VinoTime · 25/08/2017 14:21

No, I wouldn't be happy with that at all personally.

I always see female doctors for any intimate check ups and my midwives and health visitors were all female - I would have asked kindly and gently to switch MW/HV's had they been male. Not because I doubt their competency, but because I know what I'm comfortable with and what I'm not.

When things started going south during my labour with DD, the consultant was male and had to do checks - I discarded my discomfort about that because both mine and DD's health were at serious risk. But for standard things, I'll always opt for a woman.

FizzyGreenWater · 25/08/2017 14:25

An interesting thought that a gay male might be repulsed by a vulva!

Why would they be? To them it would be an area of the body and nothing else as there would be no sexual attraction, but why would they be 'repulsed'? This is the one thing one can't reverse as of course for heterosexuals the body parts they aren't sexually attracted to will be the body parts they have themselves anyway so they'll be familiar with them. For gay people the opposite sex body will be both 'other' AND not a source of attraction but why would that equate to repulsion-?? Interesting. Or not.

FizzyGreenWater · 25/08/2017 14:26

Oh and to answer the question NOBODY is ever waxing any part of me anyway.

FizzyGreenWater · 25/08/2017 14:27

LOL at 5 years of waxing college!!!!

They would graduate and all throw their sticky spatulas in the air for the obligatory photo.

kmc1111 · 25/08/2017 14:31

My usual waxer is male. Never actually gave it a second thought.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 25/08/2017 14:31

fizzy

It's impossible to generalise I think. I don't expect all gay males would be repulsed by a vulva, but maybe some would.

I know a woman who says she finds vulvas disgusting, but she has to deal with them occasionally, as she is studying medicine!

My gay male friend is quite squeamish about female genitalia sometimes, but I think that's just his personality. He can be a weency but prudish sometimes. He's getting less so as he gets older.